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SOT: Old and reused (clean) piano/musician jokes


Garrafon

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Did you hear about the stupid pianist who kept banging his head against the keys?

 

He was playing by ear.

 

Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

 

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

 

 

 

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

 

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

 

A flat major.

 

Why was the piano invented?

 

So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

 

Why was the piano player arrested?

 

Because he got into treble.

 

Why are pianists fingers like lightning?

 

They rarely strike the same place twice.

 

What do you call a musician who just broke up with his girlfriend?

 

Homeless.

 

What's the difference between a musician and a fourteen-inch pizza?

 

A fourteen-inch pizza can feed a family of four.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mr. Garrafon, your joke does not constitute the need for a new thread. There is already an old, cranky thread (that won't die) just for that.

 

It's entitled "SWEET HOME ALABAMA". :laugh:

 

Tom

 

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo
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Mr. Garrafon, your joke does not constitute the need for a new thread. There is already an old, cranky thread (that won't die) just for that.

 

It's entitled "SWEET HOME ALABAMA". :laugh:

 

Tom

 

True, but after having played by ear for an hour or so...I couldn't keep up with all the pages on that thread. I just wish someone would take that thread and "turn it up." :deadhorse:

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Bb, Db, and F walk into a bar. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve minors." So Db leaves, and Bb and F had a fifth between them.

 

 

 

The bandleader says to the singer "can we modulate up a half step after 8 bars, then add an extra beat to the chorus, modulate down a whole step, and drop a beat from the next chorus, and then end in the original key?"

The singer says "that sounds difficult, but I'll do my best."

Bandleader says "It should be no problem-- you did it last night!"

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How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The keyboard player can do that with his left hand!

 

 

 

What's the difference between a coffin and a keyboard?

The corpse is INSIDE the coffin!

 

:)

 

 

Frank

www.frankperri.com
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The bandleader says to the singer "can we modulate up a half step after 8 bars, then add an extra beat to the chorus, modulate down a whole step, and drop a beat from the next chorus, and then end in the original key?"

The singer says "that sounds difficult, but I'll do my best."

Bandleader says "It should be no problem-- you did it last night!"

 

This wouldn't be so funny if it wasn't so true!

 

Frank

www.frankperri.com
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How do you get a drummer off of your porch?

 

Pay him for the pizza.

 

 

A trombone player is driving west down the road. A frog is on the same road, driving east. What's the difference?

 

The frog might have a gig.

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

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A pre teen boy says to his uncle:

 

"That guitar you bought me for Christmas is the best gift I ever got from you"

 

Uncle: Have you learned how to play it yet?

 

Boy: No, I don't play it at all.

 

Uncle: Why not?

 

Boy: My mother pays me a dollar a day not to play it during the day time and my dad pays me five bucks a week not to play it at night.

 

:rawk:

 

Cheers,

 

 

 

Mike T.

Yamaha Motif ES8, Alesis Ion, Prophet 5 Rev 3.2, 1979 Rhodes Mark 1 Suitcase 73 Piano, Arp Odyssey Md III, Roland R-70 Drum Machine, Digitech Vocalist Live Pro. Roland Boss Chorus Ensemble CE-1.

 

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How do you get a dozen viola players to play in tune?

Shoot 11 of them.

 

 

Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a violin case?

They think he's carrying a machine gun and might be about to use it.

Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a viola case?

They think he's carrying a viola and might be about to use it.

 

 

What is the range of a Bassoon?

As far as you can kick it.

 

A conductor and a violin player are standing in the middle of the road. Which one do you run over first, and why?

The conductor. Business before pleasure.

 

 

Why don't bass players play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

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What do you call 10 lead guitarists at the bottom of a cliff?

 

A good start.

 

A banjo player once pulled into a diner's parking lot and went to have dinner. half- way through he realised he had left his banjo on the backseat, with the window rolled down...he rushed out but it ws too late - someone had thrown another two banjos in...

NORD STAGE 2, IPAD 2 with lots of soft syths

Roland td9 expanded

Guitars, basses, Pod Xtl, GT-10b

Garritan, Reason, Symphonic Choirs , Cubase, Sibelius

Three shelter cats

 

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A boy tells his Dad, "Dad, I want to learn how to play bass guitar". The Dad isn't sure, but after some nagging he caves and signs the kid up for lessons, under the condition that after every lesson the kid shows him what he learned.

 

After lesson number 1, the kid gets homes and excitedly runs to his father " LOOK dad!!! I learned how to play E". He triumphantly plucks away on the E string playing eighth notes "E E E E E ...".

 

Second lesson in, the kid runs up to Dad, "Look at this!!! I can play A." He pounds out a bunch of As in a Row on the A string: "A A A A ....".

 

After lesson three the kid runs right up to his room and starts scurrying around, getting some things together. His father comes in and says, "Aren't you going to show me what you learned today". The kid says, "Sorry dad, I can't! I have a gig tonight".

 

I'm just saying', everyone that confuses correlation with causation eventually ends up dead.
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not trying to spoil it or anything

but the busiest player I know happens to play trombone-seriously

All sorts of off the wall gigs- concerts, churches, colleges, senior centers

elks clubs on and on

 

as you were

You don't have ideas, ideas have you

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are. "One mans food is another mans poison". I defend your right to speak hate. Tolerance to a point, not agreement

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