whitefang Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, HE OPENS A WINDOW Yeah, but on which floor? GOD NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE So, how do you explain suicide? A CHAIN IS ONLY AS STRONG AS ITS WEAKEST LINK Thats why I only use rope or cable! ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG And probably of boredom. MUSIC HATH POWER TO SOOTH THE SAVAGE BREAST Savage breast? Didnt I see one of those in a Woody Allen movie? NEVER PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! IF YOU WANT TO DANCE, YOU HAVE TO PAY THE PIPER So, maybe Ill just dance while I whistle. YOU CANT MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING ANY EGGS I cant make an omelet regardless IF THE SHOE FITS, WEAR IT Just the one? YOU CANT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER Unless its one of those dumb-ass books with titles that start, Chicken Soup For The STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES For over a century our politicians have proved this time and time again. DONT WRITE ANY CHECKS YOU CANT CASH OK. But tell my creditors not to cash them either. Not for six weeks, at least! JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED Tell that to Joan Rivers DONT KNOCK IT TIL YOUVE TRIED IT Sorry, but Im still not trying menudo! YOU CANT TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS And if hes old enough, he wont even remember the OLD tricks! IF YOU LIE DOWN WITH DOGS, YOULL GET FLEAS Or, HELL get the fleas. Depending on YOUR hygiene. THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS And it DOESNT want that bacon double cheeseburger!! IT IS BETTER TO LIGHT A SINGLE CANDLE THAN TO CURSE THE DARKNESS Can I curse the darkness if I stub my toe while looking for the candle? WHERE THERES SMOKE, THERES FIRE Not at MY campsite! IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE That line NEVER worked in high school! DONT PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE Why not? Let him deal with MY gas for a change! DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU Hey! Im not giving ANYBODY a blowjob! VIRTUE IS ITS OWN REWARD So, Im not getting any cash then, eh? NEVER COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH OOPS! Should have told the guy who made those omelets. I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 Re: "chicken soup" books - yes, I take an instant loathing to them also. I am all for positive thinking, but not on a brain-dead level, which is why Barney must die! How about "Chicken Soup for Chickens"? For them it would be a book about existential angst...... when they weren't worrying about "which came first?" of course. Re: dogs. I paraphrase the cliche as: "don't sleep with any lying dogs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picker Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 Aw, let those folks be. I don't read pap like the Chicken Soup books. I'm as cynical as anybody I ever met, and that's just too simple minded for me to get much out of it. But you know, I really wish I was able to disappear into one of those books and come back out feeling good. Being as old and wise and cynical as I am is, I suspect, a lot less fun. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d halfnote Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 I think originally soap was made by mixing fat & lye (or maybe lies )...I'm up for some "chicken soap for the soul"... d=halfnote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Psmith Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 I think originally soap was made by mixing fat & lye (or maybe lies )...I'm up for some "chicken soap for the soul"... Suitable for brainwashing . . . "Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King http://www.novparolo.com https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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