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OT: Say WHAT??


whitefang

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WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, HE OPENS A WINDOW

Yeah, but on which floor?

 

GOD NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

So, how do you explain suicide?

 

A CHAIN IS ONLY AS STRONG AS ITS WEAKEST LINK

Thats why I only use rope or cable!

 

ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG

And probably of boredom.

 

MUSIC HATH POWER TO SOOTH THE SAVAGE BREAST

Savage breast? Didnt I see one of those in a Woody Allen movie?

 

NEVER PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY

Oh, fiddle-dee-dee!

 

IF YOU WANT TO DANCE, YOU HAVE TO PAY THE PIPER

So, maybe Ill just dance while I whistle.

 

YOU CANT MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING ANY EGGS

I cant make an omelet regardless

 

IF THE SHOE FITS, WEAR IT

Just the one?

 

YOU CANT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

Unless its one of those dumb-ass books with titles that start, Chicken Soup For The

 

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

For over a century our politicians have proved this time and time again.

 

DONT WRITE ANY CHECKS YOU CANT CASH

OK. But tell my creditors not to cash them either. Not for six weeks, at least!

 

JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED

Tell that to Joan Rivers

 

DONT KNOCK IT TIL YOUVE TRIED IT

Sorry, but Im still not trying menudo!

 

YOU CANT TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS

And if hes old enough, he wont even remember the OLD tricks!

 

IF YOU LIE DOWN WITH DOGS, YOULL GET FLEAS

Or, HELL get the fleas. Depending on YOUR hygiene.

 

THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS

And it DOESNT want that bacon double cheeseburger!!

 

IT IS BETTER TO LIGHT A SINGLE CANDLE THAN TO CURSE THE DARKNESS

Can I curse the darkness if I stub my toe while looking for the candle?

 

WHERE THERES SMOKE, THERES FIRE

Not at MY campsite!

 

IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE

That line NEVER worked in high school!

 

DONT PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE

Why not? Let him deal with MY gas for a change!

 

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU

Hey! Im not giving ANYBODY a blowjob!

 

VIRTUE IS ITS OWN REWARD

So, Im not getting any cash then, eh?

 

 

 

NEVER COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH

OOPS! Should have told the guy who made those omelets.

 

 

I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!
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Re: "chicken soup" books - yes, I take an instant loathing to them also. I am all for positive thinking, but not on a brain-dead level, which is why Barney must die!

 

How about "Chicken Soup for Chickens"? For them it would be a book about existential angst...... when they weren't worrying about "which came first?" of course.

 

Re: dogs. I paraphrase the cliche as: "don't sleep with any lying dogs."

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Aw, let those folks be. I don't read pap like the Chicken Soup books. I'm as cynical as anybody I ever met, and that's just too simple minded for me to get much out of it. But you know, I really wish I was able to disappear into one of those books and come back out feeling good. Being as old and wise and cynical as I am is, I suspect, a lot less fun.

Always remember that you�re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

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