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OT from another OT thread: Funny Craigslist Post


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  • 2 months later...

The first one has been deleted already. Here is the one butcherNburn linked to:


Very rare vintage Ural bass guitar made in Soviet Russia in 1979. Perfect punk bass. It plays like crap, of course, Russian guitars are legendary for being junk. But it works, and you'll be the only one around with one of these, guaranteed. Own a piece of history! Start a cheesy guitar collection! Give it as a joke present to a bassist who thinks he has everything! Whatever, just give me your capitalist money and get this commie bass deported out of here. Cash only, please.

"I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes


The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour

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I don't know what you mean by "deleted", it works for be on two browsers with clear cache. Thanks anyway, to make up for it how about this http://thumbs3.ebaystatic.com/m/mKgdRmgzlv5dsrdud4DmwqQ/140.jpg(link) from ebay. You really need the matching 4x10 & 4x12 cabs to go with it though.
If you think my playing is bad, you should hear me sing!
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My local Craigslist site (Kalamazoo) doesn't get that much traffic for musicians (4-5 a week on average), but every once in a while, we get some good stuff, such as the ad below..


I am a musician of over 12 years. i play guitar, bass, and a little bit of keys/synth. i sing and compose electronic music as well. I love all music, anything from blues to death metal, electronica to industrial. very open minded and very diverse with music. if any one is interesting in putting together a real band then please email me. I am 25 years old and do not have a place to practice. Transportation is limited but I do not have a busy schedule and am open to just about any time. music is my life and i plan on making it my career. SERIOUS APPLY ONLY PLEASE!


I like the last part- serious only...


This is a response to the ad


Hi I'm a drummer that is looking for some good people to play with. I can play anything you throw at me but I like to play the drum beat to Living After Midnight on all songs. I currently only own a pair of drumsticks that I caught at a Loverboy concert so the band would have to provide a drum kit. And I can only practice downtown Kalamazoo, closer to the Rickman House the better, since I don't have a car right now. I would prefer a band with a chick or too in it, love to have something to look at while I'm back there banging away on your drums. Please hit me up, you won't be disappointed!


Response to ad # 2


That's sort of funny, but there's so much of that around already that your sarcastic/ironic witticisms really just seem unnecessary and depressing. Then again, this sarcasm also sums up what's wrong with many "musicians" around here, and could actually be used as an instruction manual of sorts.


To kill two birds, so to speak, I don't need a drummer, but interesting, figuratively self-immolating bass players are welcome to respond to this ad. Be so kind as to explain what sorts of causes you're willing to die for, etc.


It's funny that no matter where we are, we see the same kind of mentality- "no job, no money, no car, live in mom's basement, but I'm going to form the most killer band ever!!!"


"Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind"- George Orwell
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Right when I was thinking we rarely get any good ones I find this gem...

seriously I just want to play simple root note bass...no noodling...no runs, or riffs, if it isnt E F G A B C D forget it.


Sometimes I play out of tune, with the guitar players help I will tune to their string tunning.


I have asperations of making it big so dont be trying to snub me.


My stage presence is like that of a VH1 80's Hair Metal Rocker! I got boots, leather chaps, and bandanas!


I dont have any tattoos but I got fake sleeves so dont worry about me not looking the part.


I can sing too! Not in the key we are playing, but as long as you have a lot people singing then you dont need harmonies.


Did I mention I am 40, fat, with grey hair, and keep a bottle of Jack in the trunk for when the ladies toss their g-strings on the stage to me....Hellz Yeazzz!!!


I like fat bottom girls, girls with big jugs, blondes only, the dumber the better, we'll be screw'n all those hot ho's that come at us at the end of the show...wink wink..


If you got a chic singer in your band...I'll be checking out your curves all night long, thinking about touch'n you like I touch myself...not to offend any ladies that front bands


So you like what you reed, I look like the right stuff, send me the 411 on your band info and if your a chica band send me naked pics to add to my collection...




I am a part time photographer, I like BBBWW ( Big Bouncy Booby White Women) send me your information and I will cum (wink wink) by and take photos of you...



Love yas


How do you sign a computer screen?



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Look here, Hudson Valley. I'm tired of answering ads on these pages only to find poseurs, geeks and acoustic folk acts who want me to change my unique playing style to match their style. It's time for a band that is as unique and forceful as I am, and I'm taking no prisoners.


This monumental effort will require the cooperation of a thunderous bass player with the mind and skills to keep this beast of a freight train on its tracks while a talented drummer will unleash an unrelenting hailstorm of destruction down upon his kingdom of percussion. The band will need to be as focused and driven as I am, willing to meet two, perhaps three times a week. When I host a practice session, I treat it like an Ultimate Fighter match, where nobody leaves until someone taps out. If you think you've got the endurance and fire to keep up, then bring your best, but be warned... I don't let up, and I don't want to share a stage with anyone who will.


As you can see from my picture, I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing. When you step up on stage with a true performer like myself, it's like stepping into battle, only instead of swords and arrows, we fight with 32nd notes and pinch harmonics. So in a way, the chain mail is largely symbolic, but my legions of fans have come to appreciate and expect it. You may don similar armor, but only if it fits the theme (no hockey masks or umpire's vests).


You are expected to have suitable gear. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don't bother answering this ad. It is expected that you will have a commitment to tone that approaches mine. (would be impossible to exceed, to be quite honest) I have a pedalboard that is ten feet long and would not dare sacrifice a single effect for the sake of portability. My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of "battle". Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. When you've been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that.


So that is my decree. I know that many of you will mock my demands and continue posting your offers and requests for lesser musicians. You may continue to carry on at your own leisurely pace, hoping for a shot at a coffee house or open mic night. I will not rest until we have our own stadium on the moon, with amplifiers pointed towards the sky's infinite expanses, so that we may truly rock the galaxy. I wish for you to join me on this epic quest.


Yours in rock



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