Maintaining Composure Onstage

[J. Dan]

The "onstage disasters" thread got me thinking of situations that were not disasters, but just offstage distractions - particularly DanL's example of the drunk falling off the stool.

 

The manager at one of the bars we play was telling us about another band the night before. A girl walked up and punched the lead singer square in the balls. The bouncers came over and surprisingly, the singer said don't kick her out just keep her away from the stage. Well she proceeded to punch and bite the bouncers so they hauled her out. Cops came and management didn't want to press charges, just get her in a cab and out of there. Well cops are putting her in the cab and she says F@!* You to the cops, so she got hauled off to jail.

 

Never had that, but a couple months ago I had a weird situation. Playing a casino where the bar is right in front of the stage and dance floor off in the corner, which is awkward enough. Patrons sitting at the bar are face to face with you (separated by the bartenders, whose backs are to you. Well I'm up front singing lead on a song, and a guy sitting at the bar looks me square in the eye and holds up his middle finger. The whole time he's just sitting there flipping me off. Don't know what he had against me, and if he didn't like the band, don't know why he'd be sitting right in front of us all night. My initial impulse is to hop across and kick him square in the teeth, or at least say something. But casino contracts are pretty clear about conduct no vulgar acts or comments onstage, etc. (not that I'd really do that anyway) So I just tried to ignore him and perform to the rest of the room. Extremely distracting though - really takes the wind out of your performance.

 

 

[timwat]

Reminds me of the famous Metallica experience from the early days. I live in the SF Bay Area (East Bay), and before they got famous Metallica used to play regularly at this awful dive, Ruthie's Inn - on San Pablo in Berkeley. My band played there a couple times - the men's room was so bad we'd tie a rope around the waist of whoever braved their way in there, but the rope would typically corrode before we could pull him back out.

 

Anyway, rabid Metallica fans (denim vests with Metallica written on the back in Sharpie) would crowd the front of the stage when the opening act would come on, uniformly turn their backs on the openers and then flip them off (over their shoulders) for the duration of their entire set.

[DanS]

A girl walked up and punched the lead singer square in the balls.

 

Gentlemen, choose your repertoire's carefully.

[ITGITC]

Well I'm up front singing lead on a song, and a guy sitting at the bar looks me square in the eye and holds up his middle finger. The whole time he's just sitting there flipping me off. Don't know what he had against me, and if he didn't like the band, don't know why he'd be sitting right in front of us all night. My initial impulse is to hop across and kick him square in the teeth, or at least say something. But casino contracts are pretty clear about conduct no vulgar acts or comments onstage, etc.

 

So ya know???

 

Drunks.

 

What can I say?

 

Under the heading of "Why Do I Play Music?"

 

1. Money

2. Fame

3. Women

4. Intellectual satisfaction

 

5. To have the audience flip me off during a set and there's not a thing I can do about it.

 

Sometimes it's easier to just lock the front door, stay at home and practice with headphones.

 

Somebody convince me why live music is not going the way of the Dodo.

 

http://www.davidlnelson.md/Cazadero/CazImages/Dodo_bird.jpg

[Tonysounds]

 

Playing a casino where the bar is right in front of the stage and dance floor off in the corner, which is awkward enough. Patrons sitting at the bar are face to face with you (separated by the bartenders, whose backs are to you. Well I'm up front singing lead on a song, and a guy sitting at the bar looks me square in the eye and holds up his middle finger. The whole time he's just sitting there flipping me off. Don't know what he had against me, and if he didn't like the band, don't know why he'd be sitting right in front of us all night.

 

Casino gigs.the auto pilot rehearsal. Hes probably sitting there because A) its the bar; B) the keno or video poker/slot machine is built into the bar, and those are more comfortable to sit at. Im glad it wasnt me, but I admit I find it hilarious that someone would sit there and just flip off the band they dont like for their entire performance. Its kind of refreshingly honest.

 

My guess though, not knowing anything about him.hes in a band.

 

[Ken Beaumont]

Maybe he got fired playing there

[kanker.]

 

Playing a casino where the bar is right in front of the stage and dance floor off in the corner, which is awkward enough. Patrons sitting at the bar are face to face with you (separated by the bartenders, whose backs are to you. Well I'm up front singing lead on a song, and a guy sitting at the bar looks me square in the eye and holds up his middle finger. The whole time he's just sitting there flipping me off. Don't know what he had against me, and if he didn't like the band, don't know why he'd be sitting right in front of us all night.

 

Casino gigs.the auto pilot rehearsal. Hes probably sitting there because A) its the bar; B) the keno or video poker/slot machine is built into the bar, and those are more comfortable to sit at. Im glad it wasnt me, but I admit I find it hilarious that someone would sit there and just flip off the band they dont like for their entire performance. Its kind of refreshingly honest.

 

My guess though, not knowing anything about him.hes in a band.

Or he's a plant from the casino to see how you'd react...

[Tonysounds]

Not likelythere are floor managers all over the place, ceiling cameras everywhere, and the Food & Beverage person (generally whos in charge of the entertainment depending on who got fired that week) is always walking around. Even a plant by the casino would have to play by the rules (no bird flipping); this guy was probably the real deal.

[Bill H.]

I remember getting razzed like that when I was in a hair band back when they were contemporary. Redneck types would come into the bar looking for women and then find that the women would all be looking at the band. It would frustrate them no end. They thought that they were the "real" men in the room of course.

 

As far as working distractions go, in Canada they used to have a strip stage in many clubs complete with strippers who would do their thing while we were playing. Now there's a distraction for you.

[Tall Paul]

We used to call that the "Canadian Ballet" !

[DanS]

As far as working distractions go, in Canada they used to have a strip stage in many clubs complete with strippers who would do their thing while we were playing. Now there's a distraction for you.

 

It's still a reality, at least in Montreal anyway.

[reidmc]

A girl walked up and punched the lead singer square in the balls.

 

Gentlemen, choose your repertoire's carefully.

 

Good point.

 

We don't know what the band was playing or how well they were playing, so let's hear her side of the story before rushing to judgement.

[Garrafon]

Well I'm up front singing lead on a song, and a guy sitting at the bar looks me square in the eye and holds up his middle finger. The whole time he's just sitting there flipping me off. Don't know what he had against me, and if he didn't like the band, don't know why he'd be sitting right in front of us all night. My initial impulse is to hop across and kick him square in the teeth, or at least say something. But casino contracts are pretty clear about conduct no vulgar acts or comments onstage, etc.

 

So ya know???

 

Drunks.

 

What can I say?

 

Under the heading of "Why Do I Play Music?"

 

1. Money

2. Fame

3. Women

4. Intellectual satisfaction

 

5. To have the audience flip me off during a set and there's not a thing I can do about it.

 

Sometimes it's easier to just lock the front door, stay at home and practice with headphones.

 

Somebody convince me why live music is not going the way of the Dodo.

 

 

And, to send the point home, this is (unfortunately) a singificant factor in one of my soon to be ex band member's decision to quit live music. Just isn't worth it....

[Adan]

Probably everyone who's played bars has seen a brawl break out during a set. I can't remember how many I've seen -- a few dozen maybe. Your first concern is for the safety of you and your mates. Second concern is your gear. Beyond that, I think you're supposed to just keep playing while the bouncers do their job. Kinda feels like a quintessential "pro" moment when you can be totally nonchalant. Pretty hard not to watch though, especially if it's women doing the fighting. That's always more of a spectacle.

[Ken Beaumont]

I played a bar once were a guy sucker punched another guy knocking him out cold. I was playing guitar and singing the guy fell sideways I quickly kicked the floor monitor out of the way. Had he hit his temple on the edge of that monitor, it very well could have been a murder scene. The waitress noticed it and told that to the cops. He was out cold and bleeding profusely. He didn't even try and break his fall he was totally out. It was the last song of the night. We couldn't get our gear out until the ambulance, fire truck and cop cars left. Of course we also were questioned, being 70 miles from home I didn't get home till almost 4 am, the gig ended at midnight!

 

 

We did finish the song, we skipped the lead and went to the last chorus. Last time we ever played another redneck joint!

 

 

[Moonglow]

A girl walked up and punched the lead singer square in the balls.

 

Gentlemen, choose your repertoire's carefully.

May have helped if he was doing some Journey stuff....

[Michelle ggurl]

My guess though, not knowing anything about him.hes in a band.

 

BINGO (or is that KEENO?), my thoughts exactly. A band that sucks, or is not working, or that fired him ... or maybe his intellectual property was ripped off by an 80's band the OP was covering (or he thinks it was), or his girlfriend, "the one that got away," dumped him to that song, or the OP looks like the guy who stole his girlfriend, or he just lost a sh!tload of $$ at the blackjack tables, or he forgot to take his meds, or he took TOO MANY meds ...

 

Now I almost feel sorry for the loser. Nah ...

[ITGITC]

Now I almost feel sorry for the loser. Nah ...

 

 

Too funny!

 

Are you sure your degree isn't in psychology? I feel like I owe you $150 for the session.

[mynameisdanno]

Ok, so we're three songs into a 75 minute set and this Xanax'd-up lady loses her balance and falls right in front of the stage. Compound fracture of radius/ulna. I was set up facing the band, so I didn't see it happen, and was wondering why the band sort of slowly fell apart. Then I looked down and realized what the problem was. The rest of the band saw the whole thing go down; our lead singer said he actually saw marrow.

 

We take a break, ambulance arrives and hauls her off, staff turns up the house lights and mops up the dance floor with bleach, and then "well, you guys have 30 more minutes - get to it." Kinda killed the dance floor action for the rest of the night.

 

It was completely unintentional but the bulk of songs we played after that point seemed to have strangely appropriate lines in the lyrics... "baby going down, down down"... "don't you wanna see them all fall down"... "falling down, while my head is spinning"...

 

We got a new original tune out of the experience - pretty much wrote itself.

 

[Dave Pierce]

Reminds me of the famous Metallica experience from the early days. I live in the SF Bay Area (East Bay), and before they got famous Metallica used to play regularly at this awful dive, Ruthie's Inn - on San Pablo in Berkeley. My band played there a couple times - the men's room was so bad we'd tie a rope around the waist of whoever braved their way in there, but the rope would typically corrode before we could pull him back out.

 

Anyway, rabid Metallica fans (denim vests with Metallica written on the back in Sharpie) would crowd the front of the stage when the opening act would come on, uniformly turn their backs on the openers and then flip them off (over their shoulders) for the duration of their entire set.

 

OMG. Ruthie's Inn. Yeah.

 

Boy do I ever have a bunch of stories about that place. Of course my mental state in those days was such that it's hard to know which ones are true. But I have both played there, and watched shows there, including Metallica.

 

Man, sometimes I forget what a metalhead I used to be. Weird how that works.

 

--Dave

[DanL]

One time this chick who was somewhat of a regular came to a gig pretty early, while we were still setting up. She got this giant kaluaha looking drink and started downing it. Near the end of the first set, it's still not real crowded, she's in the face of the girl who bartended in the band area. Pointing her finger, stuff like that. Apparently the bartender flagged her because she was too drunk and the chick is pissed. Next thing you know, the doorman is escorting her out, right across the dance floor and out the side door. The girl is outside, pacing up and down (the room was all windows on that side so you could see her) and she's muttering to herself. I'm thinking, no good will come of this. We finish our 1st set, and not 10 seconds after we hit the last note, the whole building shakes. The chick had taken her SUV and plowed right thru the front doors of the place. Luckily it was 2 sets of doors, an exterior and then interior doors, and no one was in the atrium when she crashed into the place. She splits, and from what I understand, nothing ever happened to her even though they knew who she was.

 

I've told this one before- drunk harmonica player wants to sit in, we let him play 1 song, he sucks, next set, he wants to play again, we say no, so he's standing next to me off stage, and while I'm in the middle of a solo, lunges for my mic. I caught him right across the throat with a forearm backhand shot and sent him flying into a pile of cases. The next night he called the venue, asked for me, and had the balls to ask me if I saw his box of harmonicas.

 

 

[CEB]

I seen tons of fights and what not but the worst was....

 

playing a strip joint with a 22 year old horn dog drummer. A distracted drummer about the worst thing for me.

[ITGITC]

...drunk harmonica player wants to sit in, we let him play 1 song, he sucks, next set, he wants to play again, we say no, so he's standing next to me off stage, and while I'm in the middle of a solo, lunges for my mic. I caught him right across the throat with a forearm backhand shot and sent him flying into a pile of cases. The next night he called the venue, asked for me, and had the balls to ask me if I saw his box of harmonicas.

 

 

Well? What didja tell 'im?

 

My brother and I used to fight like that all the time.

 

Lucky me... At dinner I always got his bowl of JELLO and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

 

I wonder what kind of stunts he'll pull THIS week.

 

 

[Josh Paxton]

I've seen dozens of routine brawls in the crowd, but experienced two remarkable ones that were too close for comfort...

 

1st: Playing one of the big outdoor European rock festivals in the late '90s. Band before us is an Irish punk band. I'm watching from the back corner of the stage. During their last song, in true punk rock fashion, they start trashing their gearsmashing amps, throwing stuff off the front of the stage, etc. Only it's not their gear, it's the backline company's. And all the tech guys work for the backline company, and naturally get pissed and run onstage to stop them. A major brawl ensues right in the middle of the stage. I'm in the back corner, thinking this is great fun to watch, and will make for a great story... until the brawl starts moving in my direction. I look around and realize I'm more or less trapped, with a ten-foot drop from the edge, and I'm in increasingly serious danger of getting dragged into this thing. So I went the only place I could: up. I was next to a lighting tower, so I climbed up the scaffolding to avoid being dragged into the brawl. It worked, and the fight was broken up soon afterward. But if not for my monkey instincts, I could have been in real trouble.

 

2nd, and way more bizarre, was an onstage fight/confrontation that became the whole show. I was the MD for Tony Clifton. For those of you who know who that is, the rest of this will make perfect sense. For those who don't, it would take too long to explain, but let's just say working with him is, by its very nature, more surreal than any other gig I've ever done. He is a fictional character, but he was "in character" any time the band saw him, 24/7, for the roughly eight months I worked with him. This really got to some of the band, and started to mess with their heads as far as being able to tell the difference between performance and reality (which is more or less the entire point). One night something snapped, and one of the horn players threw his book at Tony's head, screamed "Fuck you, Tony Clifton!", and stormed offstage... and about 75% of the 14-piece band followed him. (I was not among them.) The show then turned into a Jerry Springer-esque confrontation between Tony and the aggrieved band members, which went on for probably an hour. At the end of it, Tony, the other three remaining band members and I plowed through sad, anemic-sounding renditions of a couple more tunes, finishing with his "signature" medley (which he had performed on Letterman back in the day) of "I Gotta Be Me" and "That's Life." The thing I'm most proud of: ending with the medley was my call. Tony later thanked me for it, saying he had no idea how to end the show, but that was the perfect choice.

 

After it was over, as I was packing up, the few audience members who stayed through the ordeal came up and asked me, "Was that real, or was it all part of the show?" And really, what could I tell them? So I gave them the most honest answer I could: "It was pure Tony Clifton. And if that doesn't answer your question, then nothing I can say will make it any clearer."

[Synthoid]

[Joe Muscara]

I was the MD for Tony Clifton.

Wow - when was this?

[kanker.]

I was the MD for Tony Clifton.

Wow - when was this?

For real. That's a really groovy bit of resume material there....

[Botch]

Had one old guy in South Dakota that told us, as we were setting up, the town had a strict noise ordnance and we had to quit playing before 1 or whatever.

He reminded us of this each break. Then, with about three songs to go, he walked up and stood next to the guitar player, and reminded him over and over to quit playing by 1 (we had every intention of doing so). We started the last song, plenty of time, and the old guy walks behind the guitarist, puts his hand on the amp AC cable, and pointedly stares at his watch, and stands there. The guitarist stopped mid-verse, put down his guitar, grabbed the coot and dragged him out the back door. He never did say what he did to him, but the guitarist came back in, put on his guitar, we did the last chorus and tore down; never saw the old guy again.

 

We had some older lady fall and break her hip, too, on a dead night in another small SD town. The ambulance came, and so did every adult in the entire town, had to see what was going on. The place was packed the rest of the night! Bartender even mentioned that, at $75, calling the ambulance in the next weekend might just be worth it...

 

I've done more gigs in Utard than anywhere else, but surprisingly I've only seen one fight, but it was a doozy. Scary part for me was I'd just had Lasik surgery done two days before, I could just see a wayward fist costing me my vision in one eye.

[B3bluesman59]

Botch said: I've done more gigs in Utard than anywhere else, but surprisingly I've only seen one fight.

_________________________________________________________________

Speaking of fights...back in the late 60s my rock band played every Friday and Saturday night for a year at an old roadhouse bar somewhere in the Great Northwest. The roadhouse was about 5 miles out of town, no neighbors...in the middle of nowhere. It was notorious as a moonshine bar during prohibition. This place had history. The venue was located about 25 miles from an Indian reservation and every Friday night half the tribe would show up for drinkin' an dancin'...and fightin'. It was like Little Big Horn with the Indians agains the white man....we would start playing and within the first hour fights would break out...and I'm talking real fights with pitchers of beer being thrown, glass breaking everywhere, blood, etc. The sheriffs deputies would respond making some arrests and taking some of the patrons to the hospital. Then we would start playing again and things usually went smoothly the rest of the night. Saturday night was date night...the crowd was almost all white and many of the guys and gals would show up with a date...the problem was many were married or going steady and this was their night to chippy around. Boyfriends/husbands/wives/girlfriends..what ever...it never took long for the action to begin...hairpulling, sucker punches, etc, we would just keep on playing. Saturday nights were never as violent as Friday nights but there was still plenty of action. Not once did anyone ever try to mess with the band...which was a good thing because we could take care of ourselves if needed and our drummer was a semi-pro boxer, a tough little street guy who had never lost a fight to anyone. I know he was just waiting for someone to take him on...but it never happened. Damn, those were some fun times...but I would not want to have to deal with that kind of a gig again. Just too old for that much fun now.

[Bill H.]

Seen so many bar fights that they all blur into one. Most of the time the management will instruct the band to keep playing no matter what. You do kind of go into "auto" mode though as you are playing because you are watching the action and on alert in case it spills onto the stage.

 

Played a club in Montana once where the stage was surrounded with chicken wire just like in a Blues Bros movie. The boss was very insistent: "No matter what happens out there keep playing!!! "

 

Guess what - nothing happened the whole week. Talk about anticlimatic -

 

Played another club in Montana (Billings) where the owner hired the entire starting offensive line for the Montana State University football team as security. That was the quietest "wild" bar I've ever played. Everything was dealt with quickly and efficiently. Just a great gig.

 

Played a club in South Seattle that took a few bullets from the street. If we had still been playing we would have stopped for that, but it was after hours and we were packing up.

 

Definitely made us all drop what we were doing and hit the stage floor though.