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OT: The Rules regarding Christmas Cookies


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Okay, I'm posting this to clear up the confusion that has been going around about certain of the tasty comestibles of Christmas. Here are the official rules;

 

Christmas Cookie Rules

 

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

 

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

 

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

 

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

 

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

 

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

 

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

 

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

 

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

 

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

 

Alright, there it is in black and white, so get it right, people!

Always remember that you�re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

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Here, here! There, there! Now, now! Hey, hey! My, my! Rock 'n' roll, rock 'n' roll! Here's to Olde Fezziwig! God bless us, everyone! Oh, bring us some figgy pudding! Deck the halls! On, Donder, on, Blitzen! God rest ye, Merry Gentlemen! Don they now their Gay Apparel! :D

 

Also, eating those cookies left out on a plate for Santa, that Santa surely appreciated but didn't have time to eat, will negate the calories from those cookies- wafting a cookie under your nose, up the chimney the clories rose!

 

Merry Christmas!

Ask yourself- What Would Ren and Stimpy Do?

 

~ Caevan James-Michael Miller-O'Shite ~

_ ___ _ Leprechaun, Esquire _ ___ _

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I have it on good authority that the bond between food and numbers-i.e. price, calories, amount etc. is an artificial construct anyway, and Christmas is the time when the emporer`s new calculator is revealed as the delusional sham it is. Eat up, drink up! gravity getting to you? stand on your head!

Same old surprises, brand new cliches-

 

Skipsounds on Soundclick:

www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandid=602491

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I have it on good authority that the bond between food and numbers-i.e. price, calories, amount etc. is an artificial construct anyway, and Christmas is the time when the emporer`s new calculator is revealed as the delusional sham it is. Eat up, drink up! gravity getting to you? stand on your head!

 

Here, here!! :D:thu:

Ask yourself- What Would Ren and Stimpy Do?

 

~ Caevan James-Michael Miller-O'Shite ~

_ ___ _ Leprechaun, Esquire _ ___ _

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I have it on good authority that the bond between food and numbers-i.e. price, calories, amount etc. is an artificial construct anyway, and Christmas is the time when the emporer`s new calculator is revealed as the delusional sham it is. Eat up, drink up! gravity getting to you? stand on your head!

 

Global Warming or Cookies disappearing? I'm pretty sure the Cookies disappearing is man made...

Take care, Larryz
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I dont suppose that this list could work on a good bottle of Stone Ruination IPA or, dare I say, blue label Chimay?

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