AUSSIEKEYS Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Hi fellow musos..i need fellow musicians to share this with..I have no other avenue to do this. all weekend I have been watching my 84 year old father lie in a stroke ward being paralised on his left side..my father, my best friend, my hero, my mentor, my saviour . A musician of great backround, singer, songwriter, guitarist, piano player and harmonica, long time singing and guitar teacher. born in 1925,bought up in Auburn,influenced by the then current pop songs..ie country and western..gene Autrey etc..he was a young cowboy called 'The Cactus Kid' riding his horses thru the streets of outer sydney in his horse club..oft playing guitar. Yes aussies this was in the Sydney suburbs of Auburn during the 40's...horse clubs roaming the streets..just like motorbike clubs. Went to WW2 in the pacific as a 17 year old, building landing fields on the islands, often shelled,never to fire his rifle in anger but playing guitar and harmonica to his fellow "diggers"..helping them forget why they were there. Yes befriended many a "yank"..and shared their beers and cola [loved to tell us how the yanks had luxuries like donuts,pastries and cola...on tap...all we had was bully beef..hee hee]. A real aussie Larrikin style [Dinky Di]...yes a Paul Hogan character of 20 years earlier...infact they both were brought up within miles of each other but 20 years apart.He believes he knew of Hogan's family earlier on. Married after the war,bought up 2 kids,when that marraige ended he started performing on the Sydney pub circuit, 1958 married my mum [3 more kids],started teaching singing in the 1960's at a well known local music school [in fact he was so loved by his students,on the day of his stroke a student from 30 years ago was cutting down a tree for him, as a duty of his admiration for him], he pushed me into piano[although I hated it, having a music teacher as a father was not what a kid wants...]he even learnt piano in his later 40's and completed all grades, studied classical singing, and incorporated his training into his teaching being able to teach all who wanted to learn from pop to country to classical. Supporting me in all my musical endeavours coming to many of my gigs in support and enjoying dancing [at the club venues] to my later duos, Supported my love of art [as he wanted to be an artist but his parents were against it] and supported my following of my dream into art as a lifestyle..[much to my mother wanting me to be more normal] Performing with my mum in recent years [aged in their 70's and 80's] in their own duo to nursing homes and churches.in fact last gig was just two weeks ago although he has been lamenting that it was getting harder and harder due to his age]. And 1 hour before his seizure he was getting out his new songs for his next album, I would be producing or he may have done another unplugged version himself... My mum, much stronger than all of us was given 2 months to live with cancer last january...she is up all day visiting dad and keeping us strong.My other rock and mentor.Strength I could probably never emulate. I look at him [in hospital] as if I was looking at my grandfather dieing again...i find I was far from positive to his survival, although my brothers and mother are...but today I am feeling more positive...i wanted to give him something to live for...yes of coarse music...by concidence next saturday night was to be their 50th wedding aniversary party.. yes i had already offered to play for them...and of coarse would get them up to perform their own songs..many written by dad... a special song was their own "special" song..Love me tender by Elvis.Dad would woo mum with his version on guitar,...so it was fitting that they sung this.. So i say to dad in his bed ..hey dad..I'm going to do that Elvis song with you and mum and help back you [which he always loved], ...so seemingly innocently start asking him about its chord structure.[although I obviously already know it..I put him in the drivers seat] I ask.."now dad, dont you do this song in D]...he says" "G" son and you know dont forget the B7...its very important to get this right"...I say "yes dad"...and then much to my amusement he says in a paralised drawl..."now remember you have to push your mother when she sings"..I say "what do you mean..does she get lazy?"...he says .."YES! she will just get lazy..you must push her to sing it properly... " he taught me to be a singing teacher...his ways are my ways. my brothers said he fully opened his eyes and the left hand side of his lips raised to normal height..and his speach became more coherant...[i could not see this as I was to his side talking towards his unparalised side] is this not the power of music..is this not why we do our music...is it not the driving force behind all of us...do you not live for your music or art I know I do...my Ill health which has taken me off the performing circuit is so mentally destroying too, I sometimes fear I am only living for my parents ...but then I realise my dream of recording all my 50 or 60 original songs has not been done and my art [ie. paintings] are not out there and I can not leave this mortal coil [fair or foul] until my dreams are fulfilled... I am sure that dad's love of music could in some way perhaps boost his will to try and beat this stroke...he has always been mister positive,he is a firm believer in the power of positive thought...[in which I have to agree with him and believe it can create miracles] and he has a strong belief in God.[although I cant share this, I understand its power and do not knock its abilities in miracles, at least from the positive thought side of it] The first time I fully acknowledged the incredible power of music wasn't till my first gig in my last duo...upon singing "What a wonderful world" by Armstrong the cook at the pub we were playing had sat down to take a break [about our age, and probably we had songs that were of her time, while listening to this song the tears just began to flow..i joke that it may have been my voice..but no..I truley know what it was..it was the power of music to evoke all kinds of images or thoughts to the listener...she had obviously had a tough life or present situation..and this wonderful song just put her into thinking mode..releasing a torrent of tears for the sorrow she had or was experiencing...a song of beauty but perhaps juxtaposing her tormented life with that of this beauteous imaging. I feel my dads recovery could be based on his love for his music, perhaps its cognitive powers.a way to boost the mental thoughts to repair the physical problems. perhaps I was right the first time but that is my negativity I didnt get from my dad...but my brothers and mother are positive...should I not follow some positive notions that I see in dads love for music, I believe I should continue talking as if life is going on normally in our musical endeavours...perhaps he will think things are normal...the only thing that doesnt gell is he does not acknowledge he is in hospital...or the date [although on the first night he did]..but he remembers everything else...the doctors dwell on the former...I will tell them tommorrow that he remembers the important things..that only the family could know... thanks for listening..sorry to burden you...I may not get back online for awhile as mum's place doesn't have the internet..but if I get home now and then I will look forward to any thoughts. cheers Aussie.[i just needed to write out my thoughts]
mate stubb Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 What a great tribute to your dad. He sounds like a great guy. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Moe ---
Mike Davis Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 This is a beautiful tribute to your father. The love and respect you have for him just jumps off the page. I'm sure he's just as proud of his son. Many blessings, my friend.
wmp Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I feel my dads recovery could be based on his love for his music, perhaps its cognitive powers.a way to boost the mental thoughts to repair the physical problems. That might sound overly optimistic to some. Not me. A bass player friend had a stroke two years ago and was told that he was all done with walking and playing. Inside of a year he was back playing gigs and humping his gear. I've got a gig with him next week. Hang in there, bro. These are tough times. I'm not a very optimistic guy and I don't blow a lot of sunshine. But this time, I think you've got good reason to be very optimistic. You can be a huge part of his recovery and he'll do a lot better than the doctors think. Just because you're musicians. You and your dad are very lucky to have one another. --wmp
ProfD Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Aussiekeys, continue to keep your dad and family encouraged. My dad (singer too) had a stroke last year and while his recovery is coming along just fine, he perks up most whenever we talk about music. Continue to honor your dad especially through the gift you both share. Music is cool. Keep your head up. PD "The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."--E. Ahbez "Nature Boy"
AUSSIEKEYS Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 thank you guys i really appreciate your good thoughts yes.. he and mum gave me the happiest childhood I could ever had hoped for...it was hard times for them money wise but we never wanted for anything that was important..and we never expected more than we got because we were happy... truley life was wonderful and very supported...I could and would not ask for more.And my art flourished in those days thanks to them. and now in their hour of need [both being at that horrible point in life]...all 5 sons are rallying around dad but keeping in mind mum is on borrowed time... but I know my mother she would give her last breath for any of us, and I am sure dads needs are keeping her going. , We believe dad's will may have been weakened due to mum's plight and recent friends dieing of old age...sometimes the optimistic ones can hide their fears and worries, behind their outward appearance.Its hard to keep your mind strong when your body is aging and you cant do the things you once could. Wmp...yes I am hearing other stories of recovery from strokes and your story of your bass playing mate is comforting.. and since my childhood I had become negative ,totally opposite to my real self...I have seen in my dad this optimistic person no matter his health, his money, his whatever...that I lost many years ago..and his ability to keep me from loosing it...we could talk about nearly anything , and I bounced thoughts off him. I am seeing the positive now in my family...so it is becoming contagious and I am at least feeling part of the family in sharing my dads attitude...what will be will be...but if I can make it positive I will try. I have been expecting that there is the risk of the loss of parents over the last 10 years simply because of their age..so have steadied myself for the other...but I will fight to keep them with me as long as I am allowed. But I am strengthening myself with what ever the outcome... thank you profd..yes realised I had to, and fortunately my other brothers share other things I dont with dad and they inject their memories that encourage him...
linwood Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 He sounds like a great guy. Sorry to hear about his health at the moment. He's the same age as my Dad. Those guys are tough. Hang in there. I went through a stroke with my father in law. He was in his mid to late 70's at the time he had it. My mother in law called me on the phone early one morning saying that Larry couldn't talk or move to get out of bed. I rushed over (they lived next door at the time) and called 911 for help. It took some time and some therapy but now he walks/talks fine and works out in the yard harder than I do. He's 84 now, as well. I'll be thinking of your family.
AUSSIEKEYS Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 thanks linwood these stories are great,and will help me in realising there is always hope must sleep now its 2 oclock in the night here and I dont feel sleepy...but after talking with you I feel these thoughts are now down on paper so to speak and feel they wont roll around as much in my head tonight.. I will keep you posted ...good or bad...his life has touched so many people...music teacher,sunday school teacher,soccer coach,musician,philosopher,father,husband and all that stuff...if I could be half as loved as him I would be a wealthy man of my soal.
bloodyMary Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I'm sure your dad feels he's lucky to have such a son, AussieKeys. Music is our everything, and it can get you through some tough times. By the way, I'm glad that we all hang in this kind of forum, where people are open and supportive. Rare quality these days. Stage: MOX6, V-machine, and Roland AX7 Rolls PM351 for IEMs. Home/recording: Roland FP4, a few guitars
marino Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 If I were a father, and my son would write about me the things you just wrote about your dad, I would feel my life has served a purpose after all. Why don't you say those things to him directly too... I'm sure that would help him in such a difficult situation.
yannis D Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Good father good son. My prayers for his recovery. Try to make it less hard for him yannis Be grateful for what you've got - a Nord, a laptop and two hands
kanker. Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I feel my dads recovery could be based on his love for his music, perhaps its cognitive powers.a way to boost the mental thoughts to repair the physical problems. That might sound overly optimistic to some. Not me. A bass player friend had a stroke two years ago and was told that he was all done with walking and playing. Inside of a year he was back playing gigs and humping his gear. I've got a gig with him next week.Wow. That's cool wmp. My sincerest hopes that your dad has a similar recovery AUSSIEKEYS. A ROMpler is just a polyphonic turntable.
montunoman Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Aussiekeys, your situation moved me. I don't to see my dad much these days becase we live in diffent countries but I should call more. I going to call him right now. Hope all goes well with you dads recovery.
Joe Muscara Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 You're a very lucky person, AK, to have had the blessing of a family like that. Treasure it, it will always be with you no matter what happens. Also, it sounds like music is great therapy for your dad. Keep at it, as in the very least, it brings him joy, and it seems like it does for you, too. "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI
AUSSIEKEYS Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Aussiekeys, your situation moved me. I don't to see my dad much these days becase we live in diffent countries but I should call more. I going to call him right now. Hope all goes well with you dads recovery. MONTUNOMAN dont forget...give your dad a call
AUSSIEKEYS Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 GREAT NEWS went in this morning to find dad talking with my family.. his eyes were open, his speach was fairly understandable, he looked quite chippa.. we were able to understand him quite well..and we joked around like normal and I saw the first smile, as much as his paralysis could allow. and also importantly he was moving his left leg slightly and could feel touch . his arm is still weak but was able to very slightly squeeze the nurses hand. went back this evening and he seemed as the night before but I attribute this to total exhaustion, and having many visitors. he made me laugh when he used one of my jokes I say about him, against himself.. he coughed a typical old person cough and promptly said..."old man cough"...this was for me..as at home when ever he coughed I would instantly say to him.... "old man cough" and it was perhaps also a reference to my lung problem..when as a 16 year old kid a similar cough was evident for about 8 months of my life as an old man consumptive cough and my brothers would stir me about it saying I sounded like an old man..[little did I realise that in later years after the age of 35 this cough would come back to haunt me]...so little jokes only the family would get..he remembers them all I have this long running joke with my parents about getting old...when ever they perform in an old persons home I say.."now make sure they let you out..they may think you are one of the inmates"...or if I actually see them performing in a similar situation I always say.."ah yes looks like a scene from Cocoon" we are a jolly joker type family,,always ready with great one liners.But dad is great at telling yarns. He told a few today.. an interesting thing I learnt from dad today, was during a visit from his minister this morning...dad explained what had attracted him to God...during the war he said he met many wonderful war pasters/ministers who were always there to help anyone..he said when you were lonely and wanted to write home they would supply writing paper etc,..he said he never forgot that and always thought there must be something good about this God fellow...this was a new thing I learned about dad... so things are lookin' good.. still some bleeding in the brain [or maybe its the existing bleeding from before], but hopefully that will subside..so everything is positive at this stage. thank you so much for accepting my need to talk with like minded people.. having dropped out of the performing scene , I have lost contact with most of my muso buddies for general commradree,and you definately need to mix with like minded souls often...this is why the cafe scene was important to artists in the 19th and 20th century..to converse and share thoughts, ideas, and understanding...and funny enough todays internet forums have filled that gap in many ways...thank you so much and hopefully I can report more happy news. cheers Aussiekeys. ps I did my first recent full gig a week ago [i offered it as a freebee but a lovely dinner supplied, a chance to see how I coped with performing again]. last saturday with my old duo partner and ex fiance ..she was a singing and guitar student of dads [a favourite]...I know he would have liked to have come to it..but it was a private gig for the function dinner of the Goggomobil Car rally I was involved in...it would have done him a heap of good to have seen us reunited as the old duo..but alas not possible.But he was definately excited for us. thank you so much for your kinds words and thoughts
Sparky2 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Wow, great news! I hope you get to play together again soon. Enjoy playing out again. Mark "Think Pink Floyd are whiny old men? No Problem. Turn em off and enjoy the Miley Cyrus remix featuring Pitbull." - Cygnus64 Life is shorter than you think...make it count.
MoodyBluesKeys Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Really happy to hear the better news, I prayed for your dad and whole family when I first read the thread yesterday. My dad passed from prostate cancer, my mother had Alzheimer's. I understand the hurt from wishing to do something to help, but nothing can be done. I'm in my upper 60's myself. It's not as easy to move equipment now as it used to be, but one of my favorite current gigs is at a local mental center for kids and youth. It is a true blessing to be able to perform free to bring some joy to the residents. I certainly hope your parents' 50th anniversary coming soon will be a celebration. We all must pass sometime, sounds like your father is prepared for the eternity beyond. Jim Howard Grand|Hamm SK1-73|Kurz PC2|PC2X|PC3|PC3X|PC361; QSC K10's HP DAW|Epi Les Paul & LP 5-str bass|iPad mini2 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Jim
Dave Horne Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Glad to hear the good news! No guitarists were harmed during the making of this message. In general, harmonic complexity is inversely proportional to the ratio between chording and non-chording instruments.
kanker. Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Sweet! I hope this is just the tip of the iceberg. A ROMpler is just a polyphonic turntable.
AUSSIEKEYS Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 thanks guys , itis really appreciated Really happy to hear the better news, , sounds like your father is prepared for the eternity beyond. Jim thanks jim....perhaps you are right...his beliefs certainly strengthen him.
wmp Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 AK, I'm totally delighted this turned out to be less serious than it could have been. My mom had a stroke while in the hospital for unrelated tests two years ago. She was gone before I got to the hospital, though her body didn't quit for about a week. Enjoy what you have because it's all temporary. --wmp
AUSSIEKEYS Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 thanks wmp yes you are right...i have put my life on hold...for a few years now,a planned move out of Sydney put off as I prefer to be with my parents while it is possible...I only live half an hour away so can get to them often.They still live in the family home which is always home to me.
Musicale Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Yeah, I held a surprise 70th birthday for my mom, had a lot of friends and family over. Then some wise guy pointed out that it was only her 69th. Died of stroke before her 70th. Dad's 93 and still kickin. Live life the fullest possible everyday. Regards,
wmp Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 So I played with my friend who had the stroke tonight. He was good as new the last couple of times I played with him, and tonight he was better than ever. Playing and singing his ass off. We were both early and had dinner together. Good, because he's one of many guys I love and love to play with, and we never get to hang. His stroke took out his left side. As soon as he could, he forced himself to play. He also made a point of doing everything he could left handed, even though he's right handed and his right side worked fine. Eating, mouse slinging, writing, whatever. His son is only 9 and doesn't play, but he said that his son was the most important part of his recovery. AK, you haven't put your life on hold. You just got your priorities straightened out. --wmp
AUSSIEKEYS Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 thank wmp and musicale so nice to receive everyones replies just heading out the door to see him he is getting ok...last night he was writing a 'thesis' as he called it on Confucius and Sigmund Freud this freaked me out...not a university person but where did the term thesis come from..he studied these when younger by himself..as i said he is a philosopher..but this threw me he sat there writing it while we visited him..this is unusual...unlike him...more like me...he usually is more into tallking to family, where i will do my thing while they visit...but like to be in the area while they visit he is more family visiting type..i am not..so i thought gee this is different in him...but more like me. he is getting bored and cant move out of bed. his mind works great..but he is more distant..staring more than usual, probablt y feeling he is too much trouble..or that is what he is saying. i am looking at all my keyboards to see what i could take in..am thinking about buying a cheap boomchikka so he can connect headphones to play...I have some he could use but maybe too big have an old Spectra might be able to use am staying with mum tonight and tommorrow so gotta find him something..he'll go mad doing nothing. might buy him a cheapy to play, then he can give it to one of the grand kids. i am trying to find something to keep him occupied..i think talking to pitying people can get you down...i try to talk normally, as if at home. your friends recovery is encouraging and my life on hold...just a saying..as i've been wanting to move north for 30 years and could never afford it...so whether i can or cant I just never seem to...so "whatyagonnado" rather spend more times with my olds...I have an art studio/cabin in the mountains...cheap rent from a friend as storage, but i sleep there comfortably, 1 nightthere this week so that helped me recover a bit...got a lot of model making done... dad was not wanting us to be totally racing in...he was glad i got away a day.
AUSSIEKEYS Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Hi fellow musos. I have been away for a year it seems...due to dads dilemma, he never did really recover but kept going for mum who was dieing of cancer... she passed away in May after fighting the cancer so she could keep visiting dad in hospital, she managed to live for 16 months longer than expected, and was strong to the laST FOR US AND DAD. dad deteriated rapidly after her death and was buried today.he was lost without her. i would like to thank all those with kind thoughts and stories that helped me that night of need.I promised I would keep you posted of the outcome. Dad had the send off he had hoped for , many friends and family, his Album playing in which I proudly performed on and recorded, and each of the kids offered a story or tribute..mine was to write a song the morning after his death and to perform it in the chapel. similarly on my mothers death I too wrote a song for her and performed it in the same chapel... but more on this on a new thread. https://forums.musicplayer.com/ubbthreads.php/topics/2109268#Post2109268 again thank you Aussie keys
Joe Muscara Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Sorry to hear that, AK. My sympathies to you and your family. I'm glad to hear that there was so much love in your family. Let it carry you through. "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI
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