Sorta OT: Dad in ICU teaches me "No Regrets" living

[felix]

My dad is sick and getting worse - that's just the way things go with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), but this was the first big trip to the ICU and the first time he had to be intubated and on a ventilator (fortunately, he was able to come off the vent this time).

 

I traveled to be there for him, as did my two sisters. His house is pretty cluttered (he's obsessive compulsive), and we spent some time each night after coming home from the ICU straightening up.

 

Time and time again, we came across lengthy handwritten journals about things he was working to accomplish - unrealized dreams, lots of stuff he hasn't figured out how to get around to.... and in all honesty, many he probably won't ever get around to considering the progression of his disease.

 

Really got me to thinking I need to find a way to get off my ass and stop rationalizing why I don't get around to making more music. I hear a lot of myself in some of the things he writes about - how I like to have everything planned out first, how I want the assurance that the output will be as good as I want it to be... but if all that keeps someone from doing something, then something is wrong. I mean it's better to make some music that's not quite as great as you imagined it'd be than making no music at all.

 

My sisters and I decided there was a lesson to take away from all of this, it's to not put things off, Carpe Diem, sieze the day, just do it, etc.

 

Fortunately, my dad has been improving over the last several days - but all of us should try and live each day with no regrets - and don't put off whatever that thing is you've been meaning to do.

[DanS]

Words of wisdom Felix. I hope your dad is doing better.

My dad's in the hospital with until today, what was unknown what he had (lower abdomial pain) which they have now diagnosed as gall bladder. Glad that was all.

[linwood]

Felix, sorry to hear of Dad's situation and glad to see things are at least improving. I hear ya loud and clear, bro. Wishing you and your Dad good health. That goes for you too, Dan.

[Joe P]

Felix,

Sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he gets better soon. From experience I can urge you to be involved with his health care as much as possible. I don't want to hijack the thread, but I can tell you that my folks in their 70's listened to their doctors but the doctors made some critical misjudgments. Stay involved as much as you can.

Regards,

Joe

[Chris Link]

This sort of thing makes you realize how quickly life can change. Enjoy the time you have with your Dad. He may well do fine for quite a while, but you never know. Even if he's quit smoking (yeah, some COPD is from other causes, but the majority of cases are from smoking), it's physiologically an irreversible process. It's certainly good that he was off the ventilator pretty quickly.

 

My Dad died a couple of years ago from lung cancer. Long-time smoker. For a long time, I would pick up the phone to call and ask him a question on some household fix it project. He was always pretty handy (built the first house my folks lived in) and typically had the right answer. Like many of that generation, he wasn't a sit around and talk guy, so we usually needed something like this (or golf or politics) to chat about.

 

So get going and make some music. Hell, I wish I'd have made some recordings of my piano playing, even just plugging into Garage Band, for my Dad.

 

What's the saying? "No one ever lay on his deathbed regretting not having spent more time at the office."

[timwat]

Amen to that, Felix.

 

Life's short, always shorter than we think. Today is a gift (too often taken for granted), and the next ephemeral moment is far more unsure than we ever acknowledge.

 

The older I get the more I see how 1) I've squandered time on things that didn't really matter, and 2) put off investing my life in things that really do.

 

Driving this down to music (as this isn't a forum about faith, philosophy or epistomology), this has helped me acknowledge how weak a player I am, how many holes I have in my music theory, and to see if I'm ever going to get even a little better as a musician, I have to take ownership and invest my time NOW.

 

For me this means a few voice lessons, some small jazz ensemble workshops, and taking the time to be disciplined about finally reading all these jazz instructional books I purchased but never read or practiced.

 

I find I'm practicing more than I ever have, recording some things (despite how miserable the results are), and finally, listening to the others players more than I ever used to.

[Chris Link]

Amen to that, Felix.

 

Life's short, always shorter than we think. Today is a gift (too often taken for granted), and the next ephemeral moment is far more unsure than we ever acknowledge.

 

The older I get the more I see how 1) I've squandered time on things that didn't really matter, and 2) put off investing my life in things that really do.

 

Driving this down to music (as this isn't a forum about faith, philosophy or epistomology), this has helped me acknowledge how weak a player I am, how many holes I have in my music theory, and to see if I'm ever going to get even a little better as a musician, I have to take ownership and invest my time NOW.

 

For me this means a few voice lessons, some small jazz ensemble workshops, and taking the time to be disciplined about finally reading all these jazz instructional books I purchased but never read or practiced.

 

I find I'm practicing more than I ever have, recording some things (despite how miserable the results are), and finally, listening to the others players more than I ever used to.

 

Amen (in a "so be it" sense as not to intrude into the faith area).

 

Plus, you've gotta love a post that contains the word "epistomology".

 

P.S. I didn't notice, but my spell check wants to call it "epistemology". Ah, whatever- I still liked it and am not a spelling bee champ by any stretch. I'd have missed that one.

[DanS]

Thanks Linwood. Montreal beating Boston tonight cheered him up!

[Joe Muscara]

Felix,

 

Most of what I would say has been said, like now that your dad is feeling a bit better, enjoy your time with him. He'll appreciate it.

 

One thing I do want to share, in relation to your original thought, is this. In particular the part about looking at yourself in the mirror every morning and asking yourself if this was my last day, do I want to do what I am about to do?

 

 

My best to you and your family.

[BluesKeys]

Felix, I hope you dad is on the mend and as others have said enjoy your time with him. Words of wisdom my friend on not putting off things since none of us know when our time is. I recorded a song I wrote for my mother and she got to hear it before she died. But my dad never heard the song I wrote for him.

 

best wishes to your family

[ProfD]

Felix, definitely hang in there with your dad. The time spent with loved ones is short.

 

My father had a mild stroke last year. While looking out for him can be challenging, I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

It is unfortunate these situations cause self-reflection. I'm one of those people who uses real and self-imposed conditions to continue moving forward.

 

Good luck with your dad's progress and in your own endeavors.

[RABid]

Hang in there Felix. I'm glad your dad is improving. My dad went into the hospital just after New Year's Day and is still there. He is on a special dialysis that the hospital staff is not trained on so my sister and I take turns staying with him during the 9 hour daily process. Talk about draining creativity. Hopefully he will get out in a week or so, but twice he started to come home and had seizures the day he was to be discharged. One thing I have learned, never leave a family member alone at a hospital, but that is a subject for another thread.

[DeepEddieZilker]

Thanks for the story, Felix. I'm new around here, but that kind of hit me on a lot of different levels. I'll spare the gushy details of that, however, if only to encourage you on the venture of making music vs. real concerns about how one survives while doing it.

 

There is a book I haven't read called, Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow. It's taken me years just to get to "doing what I love." It's been a long, hard slog, and I've had to do some things I didn't want to do to get where I am. Such is Life, the journey.

 

I have about 2% of the home studio my misplaced entitlement will allow for. I use computer speakers (Altec Lansings - quite decent, actually), the Labtec Desk Mic 524 microphone that came with the computer, 2 DAWs, and some free plug-ins I downloaded from the internet.

 

At some point, the time it took to survive became less important than the time spent to create. It just seemed like my energy was drawn to it. I put some pretty rough mixes out, got some opinions from others about them, played them out at an electronic appliance store, became VERY familiar with the software I was using, read a lot of magazine articles and put everything I've learned into practice, creating the end result.

 

I'm happy with it and it was a hell of a lot of fun, too.

[felix]

Update - looks like he may get to come home this time. Needless to say, we are relieved. He even managed to get married to a lady he's been involved with for over 15 years. They were married in the hospital by the hospital chaplain (and I was lucky enough to be there as part of the wedding party - we all wore hospital pajamas).

 

I think, for me, the way this relates to my playing is that I need to not stress about having everything lined up perfectly in order to play. I need to play when I have time to play, even if it is just noodling around or playing stuff I've played a million times before. I need to not worry that I'm too rusty, that it won't be good enough, that I don't have an arrangement all sorted out in my head.

 

When that stuff is keeping me from starting to play on any given day, then I need to get over it and not let it get in the way. Now that I am done with multiple back-and-forth roadtrips, I'm going to set up my rig at home so it can easily be turned on and booted up. That'll remove the hurdle of "by the time I hook everything up and get it all up and running, it won't be worth it."

 

Thanks for all the positive feedback!

[Joe P]

Glad to hear of the positive turn of events, Felix, best of luck.

Regards,

Joe

[Chris Link]

Glad to hear the good news. Give the bride a kiss on the cheek from all of us here.

 

Now sit down and do that perfect song for your dad and commit it to tape/disc/whatever. Even if it's not perfect by your standards, he'll appreciate it.

 

Take care.

[MusicWorkz]

Thank you for sharing Felix. This is a wonderful read and very encouraging..glad Dad is doing better.

 

I hope this can help all of us put an end to theoretical creativity...

[Mr. Nightime]

My dad recently spent some time in the ICU. His health is not good at all. Diabetes has cost him his left leg, the tests done when he dealt with congestive heart failure has ruined his kidneys, he had a bout with Bell's Palsy, his throut paralized, forcing a feeding tube, which after a while of no longer needing it, came loose, causing him to lose a lot of blood. He's been living with my sister since my mom passed almost 3 years ago, and it's about a 2 day drive for me to get there. His latest episode, with the feeding tube, scared my sister enough that she called me when he was being airlifted to the hospital. Took 4 units of blood.

 

It was at that moment, when I realized I had no way to get there, that I had a life changing moment. No more sitting on my butt all night engaged in mindless entertainment. Time to get those projects and dreams accomplished. It's enough of a change where my wife has commented "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?"

 

Felix, it's good to hear that your dad got through this episode all right. I'm happy to say, so did mine.

 

I need to call him tonight.

 

[Joe P]

It's enough of a change where my wife has commented "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?"

 

No doubt, the passing of a parent can be a life-changing event, not only for the surviving children, but also for the surviving spouse.

Regards,

Joe