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What's harder?


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Breaking up with the girlfriend or the band? :grin:

 

No but more seriously we did tonight, the band I mean. It's bittersweet though because it was the first more serious band I've been in although not serious as some of us wanted which is where a number of the problems lie. We were having some good times but there was a lot of tension. It is thankful that things didn't end as explosively/sourly as they could have.

 

On the positive side I feel like it was a decent last show tonight, a good one to go out on. And now this allows the bassist and myself to move on to more rewarding projects which will hopefully come to fruition. We'll see what the future holds, it looks wide open though (in a good way).

 

You guys got any good break up stories? Brutal band tensions and so on?

Then you'll never hear surf music again...
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Dude, my band of 6 yrs just broke up monday.

Everyone in the band is good friends and it didn't end pretty.

there has been a lot of tension lately and lots of frustation.

we're supposed to play 2 show this weekend and the bass player

refuses to even call me. the other guitar player in the band is going to play bass this weekend. aht to go over like a lead balloon as they say.

The break up is about the fact that we aren't going anywhere the fun is gone. it has become a hassel.

 

it has been a relief really. I'm just sorry it went sour.

 

I think my next band will be a 3 piece.

 

I think I'll call it Ben James and the No Names

what do ya think

Why do you lay down? I say that it beats standing up! whats got you feeling so down? I hold up my empty cup!
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Its got to be harder breaking up the band, getting another girlfiend is much easier than a liked minded muiscal person who plays drums or sings.

We have just lost our bass player today !!!! due to other commitments (personal) and i am gutted, but we will roll on and find another, but as we all know it may take weeks of trying people out, nightmare.

Sorry to hear about your bands guys, but hope you all feel ok and keep positive. the next good thing is just round the corner!!!

G

Love life, some twists and turns are more painful than others, but love life.....

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=592101

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I was in a professional touring band for seven years. Through that time, we went through a couple of drummers and a bass player.

 

At one point, the lead guitar player and I (I was on bass by then), hired a drummer and went three piece.

 

The drummer had never been on a tour before, having only played in local clubs.

 

We packed up the truck and headed off, for a tour, that would take us all the way up to northern Saskatchewan. The idea was, all the money we made working our way up there, would pay for the gas and truck repairs etc., then the gigs on the way back, would all be profit. (We only had four gigs on the way up, but a ton of them coming back.)

 

Things were going ok. The drummer seemed a little neurotic and kept calling home, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

 

As we got farther and farther north, the drummer became more and more strange. Little snitty outbursts about wanting his own room. Weird statements about how everyone was there to see him play, because he was a "star". The phone calls home began to become very frequent.

 

After four, one week gigs, we finally arrived in Northern Saskatchewan. The money from the three gigs was gone, put into gas for the truck and also a repair (we broke down on the prairies, in the middle of no where, somewhere outside of Winnipeg (but that's another story).

 

The first night was rough. They had a strange format of four, 45 minute sets, instead of the usual three, 45's. At this point the drummer was loopy. Saying things that didn't make sense at all.

 

On the second night, as we were getting ready to go on for our first set, the drummer handed the band leader the phone. The band leader picked up the phone and it was the drummer's mother! He didn't even live at home. I believe he was 33 years old. Anyway, she yelled and screamed and told him that the drummer needed to have his own room (even though by this point, he had his own room as the band leader and I were sick of his constant griping) and he needed to be treated properly. The band leader, standing there with his guitar strapped on, ready to go on, said, "We are heading out to the stage right now, I don't have time for this." and hung up.

 

The next morning, we awoke to find the drummer crying. He said his Mom sent him a train ticket and he was going home. He said he had a nervous breakdown, stormed out of the room and that was the last we ever saw of him.

 

So, the band leader and I started the three day drive home. Having to cancel all of our gigs, that we had lined up to work our way home (there were ten in all), meant that we were broke. We pulled together enough cash for gas and started the trip, stopping at the occasional roadside park, to BBQ hotdogs over a fire pit.

 

It was a long three days and when we got back, we immediately started looking for a new drummer.

 

I quickly learned that day, some people just can't cut it on the road.

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I read the various band breakup stories and I think to myself, "WTF??!!!!". Being in a band is about playing some music, having some fun, and making a buck. If those criteria aren't being met, move on. What is it with all the drama??? If I wanted drama with my music, I'd have become an opera singer.

 

Egos. Non-communication. Members have lost sight of the big picture. Members not working together for the common good. Members talking shit on each other to outsiders. Members worrying about what the other guy might be doing rather than keeping their own shit together. Come on, guys... it should be an 'us against the world' attitude, at least as might be visible to any outsiders. And from within, each member should know the goal, and their place in helping to achieve that goal. The rest is bullshit.

 

I figure the guys who break up bands are like the guys who would break up with Eva Longoria because she wasn't a blonde. Likely they never had a good grasp of the big picture.

 

Bill

"I believe that entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

 

Steve Martin

 

Show business: we're all here because we're not all there.

 

 

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I read the various band breakup stories and I think to myself, "WTF??!!!!". Being in a band is about playing some music, having some fun, and making a buck. If those criteria aren't being met, move on. What is it with all the drama??? If I wanted drama with my music, I'd have become an opera singer.

 

Egos. Non-communication. Members have lost sight of the big picture. Members not working together for the common good. Members talking shit on each other to outsiders. Members worrying about what the other guy might be doing rather than keeping their own shit together. Come on, guys... it should be an 'us against the world' attitude, at least as might be visible to any outsiders. And from within, each member should know the goal, and their place in helping to achieve that goal. The rest is bullshit.

 

I figure the guys who break up bands are like the guys who would break up with Eva Longoria because she wasn't a blonde. Likely they never had a good grasp of the big picture.

 

Bill

 

Pretty simple actually. People who can't (won't)function in a band are also not that good at working jobs in the real world. They don't know the meaning of teamwork or just doing your job because it's your job. If they play Prima Donna when part of a band they'll do the same thing in a straight gig.

 

Part of the reason for that, imnsho, is the romantic stereotype of gypsy rockstar troubadour living the "money for nothing" lifestyle that the media portrays. The truth about working as a musician, hustling gigs, hauling gear, chasing pay and never sleeping wouldn't sell as many books, magazines, movies or crappy TV shows. Probably sell a lot fewer guitars as well.....

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I read the various band breakup stories and I think to myself, "WTF??!!!!". Being in a band is about playing some music, having some fun, and making a buck. If those criteria aren't being met, move on. What is it with all the drama??? If I wanted drama with my music, I'd have become an opera singer.

 

Egos. Non-communication. Members have lost sight of the big picture. Members not working together for the common good. Members talking shit on each other to outsiders. Members worrying about what the other guy might be doing rather than keeping their own shit together. Come on, guys... it should be an 'us against the world' attitude, at least as might be visible to any outsiders. And from within, each member should know the goal, and their place in helping to achieve that goal. The rest is bullshit.

 

I figure the guys who break up bands are like the guys who would break up with Eva Longoria because she wasn't a blonde. Likely they never had a good grasp of the big picture.

 

Bill

 

I'd agree with you, mostly.

 

The thing is, there are a lot of "rock stars" out there. Guys that don't show up on time and have really bad attitudes, not just with the band, but with the club owners and agents. This sort of thing can't be allowed. When you get one or more of these guys in a band, it's time to break the band up and look for new guys.

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.... there are a lot of "rock stars" out there.

 

Guys that don't show up on time and have really bad attitudes, ....

 

First, if you're not playing the arena or stadium, you ain't no "rock star". Second, if you cannot respect me and my time, I'm not working with you. I agree, time to break up the band. How can guys get rock star attitudes playing bars? unreal.....

 

Bill

"I believe that entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

 

Steve Martin

 

Show business: we're all here because we're not all there.

 

 

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.... there are a lot of "rock stars" out there.

 

Guys that don't show up on time and have really bad attitudes, ....

 

First, if you're not playing the arena or stadium, you ain't no "rock star". Second, if you cannot respect me and my time, I'm not working with you. I agree, time to break up the band. How can guys get rock star attitudes playing bars? unreal.....

 

Bill

 

There seems to be an endless supply of them too.

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I recently quit a band at a local church because they didn't want to practice, for reasons I can't fathom. I think we can praise God BETTER if we know the songs and have some idea what our bandmate is going to do, and inspire the congregation better, too!

 

But it wasn't anything bitter or angry, and I'm still playing in another context with the other guitarist and a couple of girl singers.

 

Other than that, there have been a couple of times when musical organizations just drifted apart, but no bitter divorces.. I hate that mofo, I'll do anything to ruin his career.. nothing like that!

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The break up is about the fact that we aren't going anywhere the fun is gone. it has become a hassel.

 

Just typical relationship BS that you get with almost ANY type of emotional relationship...

not just with a band.

 

Being in a band is like having 4-5-6 girlfriends/wives at the same time (boyfriends/husbands for you ladies).

It's just not easy for everyone to stay focused with a certain amount of business attitude while also being very creative and having lots of fun doing it. :(

 

This is why I am, and have been, so hesitant about doing the band thing again.

Its just too much of a crap shoot and its too draining when everything goes bust.

 

If you just wanna be in a band that only gigs for fun occasionally and without ANY deep aspirationswell, thats easy. Even if you break upyou just go and find a few other guys again that are in it only for the fun of it.

Buta more serious band...well, that is always riskyand odds are good it wont last long anyway. Or it may last, but end up going through constant roster revisions.

 

miroslav - miroslavmusic.com

 

"Just because it happened to you, it doesn't mean it's important."

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This is why I am, and have been, so hesitant about doing the band thing again.

Its just too much of a crap shoot and its too draining when everything goes bust.

 

I haven't been in a band since '89 because of this. And the percentage of prima donnas in SoCal is extremely high, so it's next to impossible to find reliable people.

A Jazz/Chord Melody Master-my former instructor www.robertconti.com

 

(FKA GuitarPlayerSoCal)

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Well, OK... MY best breakup story.

 

We were meant to play a sort of showcase thingie for the Sydney rock press one night and the singer had also dragged in these eleven year old kids who had a garage band. She was very fond of these kids.

 

Anyway, there was one of those influenza viruses going around, one of the ones where you throw up non stop for 48 hours. And our trumpet player/backing vocalist caught it on the day of the gig. Now, there's no way that you can play the trumpet if you're about to throw up, so I simply pulled the band out of the gig. It wasn't a weird decision because we were a five piece with no guitars and elied heavily on her trumpet playing and our odd arrangements.

 

Anyway, the singer hit the roof. Her boyfriend, a radio DJ, hit the roof. Her boyfriend's boss, who was a pretty important guy in the Sydney indie scene, hit the roof. And they were all ringing me and abusing me. All the usual, "You'll never play in this town again!" shit. From about 2:00pm to about 8:00pm.

 

And in the middle of all that, my girlfriend, who played keyboards, simply walked out... which kinda sealed the thing. We couldn't have presented a band even if we'd wanted to. She came back long after the gig would have been over.

 

The singer took the drummer and went off to do the gig. And she roped in a bunch of musician friends who had come to see a few gigs but had never so much as jammed with us. And here's the stupid bit... rather than get them to do a bunch of standards/jam session thing she expected them to know how to play two sets of our ORIGINALS. :o And being pretty much "a chick singer" she couldn't so much as tell 'em what key the songs were in. But they had a go anyway, I've been told.

 

So, obviously, the whole thing ended up in a confused, spluttering mess in front of the assembled Sydney rock press. It's a pity, I quite liked that band.

 

And yes, the eleven year olds had their gig but, being eleven and too young to go into a pub, that was the end of THEIR career.

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... we were a five piece with no guitars...

 

What kind of weird shit were you into? :eek:

 

 

 

...the whole thing ended up in a confused, spluttering mess in front of the assembled Sydney rock press.

 

Wadda' you expect with NO guitars! :P

 

miroslav - miroslavmusic.com

 

"Just because it happened to you, it doesn't mean it's important."

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I keep saying this! so I will say it again. If you are putting a band together, and you are serious about wanting to work on a regular basis, join the union in your market! When you look for potential band members you can get a very good idea of how those players have performed with other bands in the past. You can get informantion from your business agent about these players. There are players in this market that are pretty much black balled by the union and bands in the area, allot of information is available this way. I can put together a five piece band in a week based on recommendations, and their availability of coarse, I can be very sure they are quality players who have good reputations.
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What kind of weird shit were you into? :eek:

 

Well, I was really into stuff like Heaven 17 at the time. What happened was that we auditioned 27 different guitarists and we didn't like any of 'em. And rather than sit around and wait, we just arranged our way out of the problem.

 

 

 

Wadda' you expect with NO guitars! :P

 

I know... I shoulda known! :(;)

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I and a friend spent an entire year of our lives trying to get a band going. We went through various changes of barely adequate personnel with cruddy personalities, many disappointments about backers and equipment suppliers, and evneutally played two go-for-broke gigs that made it to broke and no further. I was penniless and virtually homeless pretty much the whole time, sleeping on floors and couches where and when I could find one or the other. Things seemed just about within my grasp about 3 times, but always turned out to be just smoke & mirrors. It was the most frustrating time I have ever spent in my life.

 

In the end, my friend went back to the band he was in before, the bass player when to a another band out of town, the drummer just made an ass out of himself towards them because they left, and towards me because he never did like me much anyway, and I ended up going back into the service because I couldn't find even a halfway decent day gig. I swore I'd never go through that mess again.

 

While I was in the service, I became a Christian, and my orientation towards music and bands changed drastically. I ended up playing with a band(in the various forms it took personnel-wise) for over 25 years. That ended when the drummer moved to Reno, and the other guitar player/bass player got too busy with his day gig (associate pastor at the church we all used to attend) to have time for it anymore. The three of us were "the band" for all intents and purposes, despite all the other folks who had played with us over the years. When one of us left, if was really over. That was about 5 years ago.

 

We got together again for a reunion gig about 2 months ago, and it was great. We still sounded pretty tight, even after not playing together for years. The drummer has been busy with a band out in Nevada, and that kept his chops up. With a tight drummer who is used to doing things off-the-cuff, it's pretty easy to sound good.

 

The band that I spent 25 years with was hard to give up, and I miss it like losing a hand, but I don't regret a minute of the time I spent with them. We were able to use our gifts in the service of what we believe in, and we made pretty good music while we were at it. I don't think it gets much better than that.

 

My wife and I were divorced 20 years ago this year, after a marriage as disastrous as the first band I wrote about above. I don't miss her at all.

 

What's harder? You do the math...

Always remember that you�re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

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