BOB STANE @ The Coffee Gallery Backstage advice to performers

[kudyba]

Take this for whatever you think it's worth... To: My beloved Entertainers and those who would like to be. From: BOB STANE @The Coffee Gallery Backstage DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY, BUT DO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. This letter is called "Boilerplate." In case you are not familiar with the phrase it means it is general communication. It may, or may not, apply to you, personally. Actually it apples to almost no one personally, but merely clarifies what I need on the stage at The Coffee Gallery Backstage. It has everything to do with what I need from you as an act. Separate your act from "you." What you do on stage is to use a tool. I accept or reject the tool as it applies to what I need on my stage to entertain my paying customers. I neither accept or reject you as a worthy person. Actually, I accept everyone as a person. I have yet to meet or talk to any entertainer/person I did not like. I like you as a person and I want you as a person, and as an act (your tool), to succeed. Unfortunately I am, largely, not getting the right "stuff" in the mail to interpret how you use your tool. This is just a message designed to help you develop a better, more effective tool. DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER. One thing I noticed, after returning to "the biz," was that everyone had matured well and sang and played with great talent and skill. Unfortunately, they were under-employed and it was difficult to audition their material and see who could perform where. If you are getting this from my e mail list I consider you extremely talented. O.K., now let's examine what is going wrong. As you may or may not know, this is not my first venture into the club business. I owned and ran The Ice House in Pasadena where we discovered and made dozens of people rich and famous. We specialized in funny folk singers and I auditioned dozens of acts per week, "live" or in person. In 25 years I auditioned 20,000 acts. I never missed hiring one that made it on any level. I hired lots of bad ones but never missed an act that became a "working" act...big or small. A faultless record. I still feel good about that. Many who became stars had been rejected by other club owners who did not see their talent or did not understand their intellectual and comedic gifts. When I came back in the business running The Coffee Gallery Backstage I almost immediately became inundated with "stuff" mailed from acts. I got so much of it I could not sort it out and listen to it. Unfortunately, a lot of it was CDs full of "angst" and unhappiness. S-o-o-o sensitive. I was getting little clever, up-beat material. I was also getting lots of guitar thumping and repetitive lyrics. Few had clever, memorable instrumental "hooks" anymore. Less had clever memorable lyrical "hooks" to start songs. They just thumped and bumped into the song, through the song and out of the song. Few even knew how to end a song. And so depressing!!! I was afraid to hire these people as I feared my paying customers would commit suicide in the parking lot after the show. Severe depression. Most people sang "their own songs" even if it meant an unbalanced show. Little "cover" stuff of great stage excitement and identification was done anymore. Lots of self-indulgence. Repeat: Self-indulgence. Finally, after 3 years, I discovered what I had known before but had not flashed on because there had been a technical change. I was being sent CDs. CDs were all done in studio. I ran a club. I did not hire phonograph records. I hired entertainers. I hired wit, humor and sparkling personality. I want clever patter and interaction with audiences. I believe in the "show" in Show Business and the "entertainment" in The Entertainment Business. I did not want acts that sang to their horribly depressed belly buttons. I wanted a stage act. An act that does not depress an audience but sends them home feeling good about spending money in a club and convinced they should come back for another dose of good talent presented in a fun package. Asking for, or accepting, a CD was WRONG. A CD only reflected the "sensitive" material an act did in a studio...well massaged with no rough, witty or "human" elements one might experience from a stage performer. What I wanted, and want now, is a "live" audio cassette done in a club with a real audience. Not edited. Let it run. I want to hear every interplay with the audience. Every laugh. Every stumble and all the applause. No, it is not expensive. Just bring a cassette recorder in and plug it into the sound system or set it on the stage and let it roll. If you get a really good one, copy it and send it to club owners. Why have other club owners not objected to CDs and asked for "live" cassettes? Because they haven't realized what the problem is yet. Also they are not used to amusing musical performers. They will not remain ignorant long. The acts who move on this first will get the most work. Amusing acts work all the time. Those who are a "drag" wonder why their talents are not recognized and appreciated. In The Ice House days I often auditioned boring, awful "performers" who would do a dreadful 20 minutes and then come back, after no applause, and ask for a gig. I would say, "you have no show." (Repeat: no show). Oft they would say in an adenoidal twang, "hey, man, my songs are my show." That told me everything about them. They had no sense of humor, nor had any chance of putting together anything entertaining. They were about as funny as a rock musician. Or a rock. If they don't want to entertain, they shouldn't get on the stage. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to get on a stage and not fully entertain. Why not involve an audience completely in the stage personality? Why be a depressing phonograph record? But, then, that is just me and I like an evening of well-designed musical fun. Why should an audience only hear what is sung instead of appreciating a well rounded personality? Throw off your musical shackles!!! Open up. Blossom. Club owners are swamped with audition material. We need short cuts. Cassettes are short cuts. They are portable. They can be listened to in a car while doing errands. We club owners need every time saver. We pay attention in our cars. We want to be amused while driving. Another great point. When I get my CDs from the acts I also get reprints of newspaper reviews. Reviews of what? The act's stage show? Never, never, never do I get reviews of the stage show. Just reviews of the CD. Why? I have the CD in my hand. Think about it!!!! Why should I care what a newspaper writer says about the CD? I can review it myself. I have more experience than the writer. What I can't hear is the show. I need show reviews. I can send show reviews to the newspapers in my town to encourage big publicity coverage. Good stage reviews are gold. And last is the publicity picture. Usually I get head shots. Blurry ones. A BIG NEWS FLASH: A head shot is not a publicity picture. It is a family photo suitable for your family album. A publicity picture is usually done against a plain, uncluttered background and is depicting the act as a high personality, maybe funny, entity. Creative, sparkling, etc. There is only one reason for a publicity picture (ONLY ONE) and that is to get the picture printed in the newspapers to promote the show at the venue. Your face staring blankly into the lens with a forest in the background is a waste of money and time. It is junk. And if it is not razor sharp it is blurry junk. If you give a venue owner anything but the correct and complete tools to get publicized in the newspapers you have cheated him. You have saved yourself money and time by costing the venue owner much more money and lots more time. A great publicity picture furthers your career and fills seats at the venue. A good picture sells CDs for you and increases your value at the admissions window of the venue. Get a good publicity picture. Now. Don't be lazy and selfish. Get a wonderful publicity picture or two or three. Give them, generously, to the venue owner when you are hired. By the way, a correct publicity photo is, usually, vertical as it fits well in one or two columns of a newspaper and is more likely to be used than a horizontal shot. There you have it. Send me a "live" cassette. A CD does not reveal who you are on stage. Get off of dead center and get your career in gear. If you don't care, I do. I want my customers to be pleased. I want my chairs filled. I want to be able to hire you quickly. I want little, or no, angst and I do want a well designed show. I want your photo in my newspapers. I want you to sell so many CDs and cassettes when you play The Coffee Gallery Backstage that you are ecstatic with joy, tell everyone about the place and can hardly wait to come back. And I want you to be happy and prosperous. Can we do all of that? When I say "you" I am saying the "royal" you. It is a generality and, certainly, not an attack. I have spent my life trying to get musician folks up the ladder "just one more rung." It's time for you to climb and I am still pushing. The "I" that I speak of is for all venue owners, not just Bob of The Coffee Gallery Backstage. How about a little help here???? Your comments and insights are welcomed. However, arguing with me (rationalizing) will do little good. I have learned the hard and expensive way what goes over on my stage. Stamping your pretty little foot and saying over and over, "he's wrong, I will do depressing songs, I will, I will I will!" does neither of us any good. I'm not buying drek. Live with it. I can hear your skill, even in the CDs. You can play, you can sing. With great skill. Now we want to complete the package.. How to develop an amusing act? Really easy. Keep a small note book on your purse or shirt pocket. Any time you hear, or say, anything amusing...WRITE IT DOWN. When you are having dinner or coffee with friends...WRITE DOWN THE WITTY STUFF. Then try to work it into your act. Don't think you will remember the good stuff. You won't. You must write it down. Even one good line is gold. No you should not tell jokes unless you can get away with it. About a dozen good insights and you have a wonderful verbal show. Yes, you. No, we don't expect you to be a comedian. Just a good stage personality. Don't try to invent the wheel. Listen. Transcribe. Work it up. Ask your friends to help, especially if you have witty friends. This is all good for you. Succeed. Have fun. Depressing songs are easy to write. Clever songs not so easy. Stretch. If you can't write clever songs then do some research. There are lots and lots of them out there for you to use and they are just laying fallow. I do, however, want to hear my audiences laugh. When they laugh I know they will return for my other acts and will come back to see you. People go out to have fun and a few laughs. They don't come out to be depressed. O. K., now you know this is not an attack on you or anyone else. It is boilerplate. If you have been very, very professional, you work gigs constantly, then it does not apply to you. Feel free to copy it and share with your musical friends. It is for everyone. Breathe slowly and carefully. This is just education. If you don't have constant gigs, or as many as you want, it might be good to read this several times and then act upon it. DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY, BUT DO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. I am waiting for your "live" cassette. Plan out that wonderful, snappy publicity picture. Then have it taken. Bob Stane, The Coffee Gallery Backstage 2029 N. Lake Altadena, California 91001 P. S. Most of the songs on the CDs I get all sound alike. No variety. Mostly it is hard to hear the lyrics because the instrumentals cover the words. Accident? Doubtful. Here is the "acid test" of your stage show: after a set in a club go out into the lobby and ask individual customers if they can 1. Remember the title of any of your songs. 2. Remember any lyric line. 3. Can hum or whistle just one song. Just a snippet. 4. Can remember what any of the songs were about. Got the courage? If the customer's memory fails, you have big trouble. Few readers of this letter will have the courage to do "the acid test." Do you? Yes? Then take the test. If you like this "Boilerplate," send it around on paper or by e mail to all of your friends and mates in this biz. Permission is granted to re-print it in any publication, newsletter or ??? Just credit me and The Coffee Gallery Backstage. If not, hit the "delete." -- BOB STANE

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[quote]Originally posted by kudyba: [b]P. S. Most of the songs on the CDs I get all sound alike. No variety. Mostly it is hard to hear the lyrics because the instrumentals cover the words. Accident? Doubtful. Here is the "acid test" of your stage show: after a set in a club go out into the lobby and ask individual customers if they can 1. Remember the title of any of your songs. 2. Remember any lyric line. 3. Can hum or whistle just one song. Just a snippet. 4. Can remember what any of the songs were about. Got the courage? If the customer's memory fails, you have big trouble. [/b][/quote] Sounds like he wouldn't like R.E.M. too much... [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif[/img] Actually, there's two different aesthetics he's getting at... There's the direct, accessible kind of rock music that was mainstream in the '70s and '80s. Then there was the "alternative" movement in the '80s and early '90s (when it *was* truly an [i]alternative[/i] to what was on the radio). The alternative movement replaced directness with indirectness, audience-pleasing shows with a standoffish I-don't-really-want-to-be-on-stage introverted vibe, and sex/drugs/partying subject matter with Art (which could still very well still be about sex/drugs/partying, but often leaned towards "emotions"). Alternative music often threw form and convention out the window -- sometimes it worked (especially if the musicians *did* know form and convention but were throwing it out for a reason), but in less-skilled hands -- or in the ears of those who couldn't stand this aesthetic -- it could across as self-indulgent. I'm not placing judgement on either aesthetic... I like both, and I can see the value in both. There's good and bad examples of either kind of music. But it's obvious that the writer has a very clear idea of the aesthetic he wants at his club. This message has been edited by popmusic on 10-23-2001 at 11:31 AM

[Tedster]

Good stuff, Rob.

[halljams]

I thought that was very well written, obviously by by a level headed, fair minded individual. If all club owners were that intelligent, i might still be interested in playing in clubs now and then. His points are completely valid in my opinion. No one in the audience wants to work even a tiny bit to be entertained, it's all up to the person on stage. With that in mind i have to tell... Personally i am not interested in getting up there and being a clown for a bunch of drunk assholes trying to get laid, I just wanna make music. So what i always tried to do is get in a band with a good frontperson(s) and hang out in the back by my amp and stare at the floor.LOL Sometimes i still got chicks! (that's what it's really about isn't it?) Now if i could only get rid of this ringing in my ears.

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[quote]Originally posted by halljams: [b]So what i always tried to do is get in a band with a good frontperson(s) and hang out in the back by my amp and stare at the floor.LOL [/b][/quote] I bet you play bass! [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/wink.gif[/img] [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif[/img]

[halljams]

[quote]Originally posted by popmusic: [b] I bet you play bass! [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/wink.gif[/img] [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif[/img][/b][/quote] Uh, ashamed to say, no, lead/rythm guitar. Some how i get away with it. I did have a bass gig once though, and it was great, no pressure cause i know i suck on bass! I've never worked on it.Unlike guitar which i have worked my ass off on and still,depressingly enough,suck! What do you call the people who hang out with bass players? chicks! I love that one.

[Deathtoallwhoopposeme]

Bob made many valid points in his Manifesto. However, there are some things that are very subjective to what he likes and he's up front about that. I do well over 250 gigs a year, solo and with my band and I can tell you, it all depends on the venue as far as how the audience reacts to your show. I always try to be humorous and talk to the audience a bit. Sometimes you really work at it just to know they are there with even the slightest bit of interest in what you are doing, so as to validate your existance in front of them. An example is a happy hour type gig, where people are winding down from a days work and rarely are in the mood to listen. It doesn't matter how good you are. I'm also going to say, the VAST MAJORITY of gigs out there are played in front of drunk idots anyway and I have no desire to be a vaudville act for their benefit. IF you are skilled, emotional, your songs strike a chord generally, and not the detatched alternative persona mentioned above you'll do fine as long as you try to include the crowd a bit. This guy Bob in my opinion wants comedian/Musicians...In my experience if you talk to the crowd for more then 20-30 secs between every other song or so, it's Just TOO MUCH!!...After all, most people i know are there to hear the music and let it take them to a place that spoken banter can not...Music is powerful and mysterious and humorous banter by the musician is not as appreciated by audiences as BOB STANE thinks...Unless you cound those Dueling Piano type places...It has to be about 85-90% music...It's a far more richer journey... P.S. This guy also sounds like the type of club owner that I HATE working for....If you are a pro you know the type..

[halljams]

[quote]Originally posted by sventvkg: [b] ..Music is powerful and mysterious and humorous banter by the musician is not as appreciated by audiences as BOB STANE thinks...Unless you cound those Dueling Piano type places...It has to be about 85-90% music...It's a far more richer journey... P.S. This guy also sounds like the type of club owner that I HATE working for....If you are a pro you know the type..[/b][/quote] Well first, i am a professional, and spent several years full time doing roadwork. As the band buisness leader, soundman, and sideman. I would prefer to work for a guy like this who knows what he wants in his club and knows enough words to describe it to you. Rather than some coked out, power tripping twit, who spends all week trying to get the girl in the band alone in the back room. It's the slimeballs that kill it. And there are too many. This guy makes it clear that it's a buisness, which it is from his point of view and that "if you want to play in his club you better understand that". I think that is reasonable. "You are under a contract to me and i expect you to fulfill the contract obligations, which are this....." What's wrong with that? Personally i choose not to be contracted in this way for these things so much anymore, but i think it is a fair buissness attitude. my $.02

[Botch.]

Bob, I enjoyed reading your essay as it indicates to me that my band is doing the right thing. We're just a cover band and not the greatest musicians in the world, but we have so much FUN on stage that it really rubs off on the audience and we've been asked back to every club and festival we've played. Our new booking agent wants us to record ourselves live in a club, with audience feedback, for the demo; sounds like that was a good idea! One question: do club owners check out a band's website? We normally post photos from our most recent gigs ( [url=http://www.puddlestone.net]www.puddlestone.net[/url] ) and try to show both the band and the audience having a good time. Just wondering how many club owners bother to check them out. Thanks for the essay!