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gryphon

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Everything posted by gryphon

  1. http://home.comcast.net/~dannylgriffin/img/setup.jpg I've been thinking about making some changes, but really this simple setup still works for me so I have no reason to other than GAS. I have a grand piano at home that only moves around the LR once a year or two. Not shown: stringed instruments.
  2. A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"
  3. A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I ...think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants." Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum." Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
  4. I was in Costco the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a younger guy. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a weird coincidence though because I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" I said, "It doesn't matter -- let's look for yours."
  5. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, replies, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."
  6. At Church they have a weekly husbands' marriage seminar. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of alla is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her."
  7. A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says,"You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite countertops...."
  8. A man and his wife go golfing. On the fifth hole, the man severely hooks his tee shot into an adjacent field. The ball comes to rest about twenty feet from the side of a barn. The doors on both sides of the barn are open about a foot wide, and the man can see the green through the gap, about 150 yards away. He is left with two choices: try to hit the ball through the gap and onto the green, or play it safe and work around the barn, eliminating any chance for par. The man decides to go for it. Knowing that he must hit a low screaming line drive, he swings as hard as he can. The ball hits the side of the barn and bounces back toward the couple. It hits his wife in the head and kills her. Several years later, the man is playing the same course with a friend. At the fifth hole, he again hooks his tee shot up against the barn, and again the doors are open slightly. Seeing the green through the gap, the friend says "Why don't you try hitting it through the barn?" The man replies "No way. Last time I tried that I got a seven."
  9. Greetings. I am new here and amazed by what I've been reading. I actually got directed to the Reharm thread here. I am a 52 year old engineer, not a working musician, although I do play in my church's praise band. I am largely self-taught. Played piano for a couple of years when I was 22 then didn't touch a piano for 25 years. When I quit playing I sold a Roland synth, Hammond M2 and Leslie. A few years ago I resumed playing, sold my Yamaha CP70B, and threw away my RMI386 because I couldn't give it away. I now own: Estonia 190 (6'3" grand) Yamaha P90 Korg Trinity Roland bass/midi pedals However, my claim to fame here would be a stack of Keyboard magazines from the late 70's and early 80's that I still have. Wendy/Walter Carlos, Keith Emerson...and all those old ads.
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