Erm... Well, I've never written a love song so I don't know if they work. The one time somebody's mentioned me in a song, I felt extremely self-conscious. But then again, they were singing it in public.
Best of luck, and I really hope it works! The words sound pretty good: personally, I could never get lyrics to be as sincere as that, so I gave up a long time ago.
Bear in mind though, that it's practically impossible to talk a woman into anything, as far as relationships are concerned. Either they're into it, or they're not. But then again, I've never tried writing a love song!
PS: and it's heart "break", not "brake". Brakes are those things on your bike.