Ok guys. Two jokes (pg 18):
First joke:
A farmer gets up in the morning, walks out the door into his yard, and notices that his cow is dead. He screams: "Oh, what am i gonna do now? How will i be able to provide for my family? I'm not a man anymore..." - and he shoots himself in the head. The sound of the gunshot wakes up his wife. She walks out the door into their yard where she finds their dead cow and her dead husband. She cries and screams: "Oh no! What am i gonna do? I have no one to take care of me - and the cow is dead so i can't earn any money..." - and she takes her husband's gun and shoots herself in the head as well.
Their 16 year old sun gets out the door and sees his dead parents and the dead cow. Out of despare he walks towards the river to drown himself. In the water he meets a mermaid that says to him: "I can reverse everything back, but on one condition. Are you interested?", and the boy says: "Yes! What's the condition?". So the mermaid replies: "If you can fuck me in the ass for 5 times without stopping - i'll bring your family back and everything will be as it was. But - if you can't make it 5 times i'll drown you". And so he begins. Once, then again - but after the third time he simply just can't take it anymore, and so the mermaid drowns him in the water. Then comes their 12 year old sun, gets out the door and sees his dead parents and the dead cow, and his older brother floating lifeless in the river. Out of despare he also walks towards the river to drown himself. In the water he meets the mermaid that say to him: "I can reverse everything back, but on one condition. If you can fuck me in the ass for 10 times without stopping - i'll bring your family back and everything will be as it was. But - if you can't make it 10 times i'll drown you". Without much choice, the 12 year old brother begins. Once, twice, five times - but he can't fuck her more than 8 times, and so she drowns him.
Finally, comes their 7 year old sun, gets out the door and sees his dead parents and the dead cow, and both his brothers floating lifeless in the river. Out of despare he also walks towards the river to drown himself. In the water he meets the same mermaid that say to him: "I can reverse everything back, but on one condition. If you can fuck me in the ass for 15 times without stopping - i'll bring your family back and everything will be as it was. But - if you can't make it 15 times i'll drown you". The little brother replies: "Make it 20 times". The mermaid replies in return: "25 times". The little boy replies: "How about 30 times?". The mermaid looks at him, amazed, and finally says: "Fine! 30 times it is". And the brother replies: "Ok... But, you're not going to drop dead on me after 12 times like the cow did, are you?"
Second joke:
A hunter goes out to the forest to hunt. He explores the forest, untill he finds a good spot, and he lies down, waiting for deer to come near. Suddenly he feels big paws on his shoulders. He looks back, and there he sees a big bear. The scary bear says to him: "You've got two choices: either you let me fuck you in the ass - or i'll kill you!". The man thinks about it for a minute or two, and replies: "I don't really have a choice, do i? I really want to live, so... go ahead. What can i do?". And so the big bear grabs him and fucks him up his ass so hard - the hunter barely manages to make it back home.
Two weeks later, the man goes to the forest again. This time to a different spot. He finds a good place to hunt, and so he waits for deer to come by. Suddenly - the feel of great big paws on his shoulders again. He turns around - and there's the big bear from two weeks before. The bear says: "You again! Well, you've got two choices: either you let me fuck you in the ass - or i'll kill you!". And so the hunter chooses to live - and the bear fucks him in the ass so hard that his asshole becomes like a schnitzel. The hunter returns to his town, and goes to the nearby hospital.
Two weeks later - he goes out to hunt again. After exploring the forest for a couple of hours he finds a good spot and waits for deer to come by. And again - he feels the familiar big paws on his shoulders. He turns around and sees the big brown bear in front of him. The bear looks at him. He looks at the bear.... awkward silence... Finally the bear says to the hunter: "You don't really come here to hunt, do you?"