Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 894
Loc: Los Angeles,CA,UNITED STATES
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I received the following from Fletcher at Mercenary Audio in Boston, yesterday, and thought you all might enjoy it. Comments?
Chris
"Subject: What Mr. engineer really means...
(This is borrowed from a zine called Unsung Hero, article by Matthew Crowler).
"What I really meant to say..."
Everyday-in studios and clubs throughout the world-engineers and producers face the tough reality of soothing musicians' egos while still trying to do their jobs. This task becomes especially difficult when the techs behind the music can't really say what's on their mind.
Out from this psychological tap dance of pent up frustrations has grown something I like to call "What I really meant to say." It goes something like this:
Engineer: "Can you play to a click?"
Translation: Me Tarzan; you suck. Like the wavering drunken dolt that you are, your tempo's all over the place. Tighten it up, Napoleon, or I'll bring in someone who can play those cans.
Engineer: "Let's check our tuning."
Translation: Then again, don't touch a thing. I'm working on a CD compilation of fart noises and you guys have what it takes to write the first single.
Engineer: "Maybe you should lay out at this part. Ya know-to thin things up."
Translation: You're about as subtle as a fat chic plowing through a to-go bag. Give us all a break, and skip a meal right here.
Engineer: "Have you had your guitar set up recently?"
Translation: Randy Rhoads died. Why didn't you?
Engineer: "Are you sure you want to go to that chord right there?"
Translation: Mozart knew scales; you know that scales are on fish. This is something you will need to know when you're working down at the docks later this summer.
Engineer: "Do you always sing that part?"
Translation: Of course you do. That's why we're going to place the mic a little closer to a more sonically pleasing orifice-let's say your ass...
Engineer: "Maybe we should see what it's like with the other guitar player trying that part."
Translation: You suck. Your buddy doesn't.
Engineer: "Is that the tone you want for this part of the song?"
Translation: Here's an equation: Adam Jones=tone. You=shit. Unplug, and go get us some pizza.
Engineer: "How long have you guys been playing together?"
Translation: Two weeks? Two years? Too long. Disband now and take your rightful place next to the rest of your ex-bandmates down at Burger World."
-- Fletcher Mercenary Audio TEL: 508-543-0069 FAX: 508-543-9670 http://www.mercenary.com "this is not a problem"
