#518315 - 12/01/05 10:55 AM
Re: Songwriting humor thread
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Hugo H
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Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 124
Loc: Georgia, USA
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I wrote this a few days ago and posted it elsewhere first (a lyrical critique site). It's a reviewer's lament sung to the tune of "Simply Irreistable", with my apologies to Robert Palmer. Just a bit of comical parody to brighten your day, hopefully 
Simply Uncritiquable
How can it be permissible
These lyrics reprehensible, yeah yeah
That kind of song is lyrical
But the words are just too terrible
It's a tune you just know, it's got wonderful flow
You're tapping your toes but you have to explode
It could've made sense to me! but now I find it
Simply uncritiquable
Simply uncritiquable
The wording is so meaningless, huh
It's simply unbelievable
The lyric's irredeemable
My comment's inexpressable
He's a natural muse, he should leave me enthused
He deserves a review, but I'm so confused
It could've made sense to me! but now I find it
Simply uncritiquable
Simply uncritiquable
(Simply uncritiquable) It's so lame, there's no rhymin' where the stress goes
(Simply uncritiquable) There's no shame, there's no rhythm line to line
It's unavoidable, I'm backed against the wall
I've got to post something to post my own again
I'm writing comments now, no matter how cornball
It could've made sense to me, but now I find it
Simply uncritiquable
It's so lame, there's no rhymin' where the stress goes
(Simply uncritiquable) There's no shame, there's no rhythm line to line
The lyrics are inscrutable
The proof is irrefutable, Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
It's so completely horrible, huh
The words are undefineable
It's a song you could love, if the words you could shove
You're obliged to post now by the rules from above
It could've made sense to me, but now I find it
Simply uncritiquable
Simply uncritiquable
It's so lame, there's no rhymin' where the stress goes
(Simply uncritiquable) There's no shame, there's no rhythm line to line
It's so lame, there's no rhymin' where the stress goes
(Simply uncritiquable) There's no shame, there's no rhythm line to line
Simply uncritiquable
(c) 2005 Hugo Hemmerich
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Kawai GS-40 grand & other keys
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#518316 - 12/02/05 08:07 AM
Re: Songwriting humor thread
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RicBassGuy
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Registered: 02/02/05
Posts: 3746
Loc: Metro Detroit, MI
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That is ... simply uncritiquable. 
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#518317 - 12/08/05 08:29 PM
Re: Songwriting humor thread
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Hugo H
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Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 124
Loc: Georgia, USA
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A couple of enterprising bass players, unwilling to sit through a long, bass-less stretch of Beethoven's Ninth, sneaked off stage and into the bar next door. Beer flowed; time passed. "Look at the time! We have to get back!" said one. "Relax," said his partner, "I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to untangle it." They staggered back into the hall and took their places. About this time, a member of the audience noted that the conductor was breaking a sweat. "Of course," replied her companion, "It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score's tied, and the bassists are loaded!"
(courtesy Jerry Herbstreit, Milwaukee)
okay, that was a music joke, but what the heck!
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#518318 - 12/08/05 10:59 PM
Re: Songwriting humor thread
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RicBassGuy
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It's pretty funny! At first I thought the bassists were going to be the butt of the joke, but instead I was pleasantly surprised.
I chuckled. Not quite guffaw material.
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#518319 - 12/14/05 09:08 PM
Re: Songwriting humor thread
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Hugo H
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Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 124
Loc: Georgia, USA
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Though impressed by the child's enthusiasm, Franz's teacher was always having to remind the boy not to leave things unfinished.
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#518320 - 12/20/05 09:03 PM
Re: Songwriting humor thread
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Hugo H
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Posts: 124
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I ran across these two anecdotes in Henry Mancini's autobiography.
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After his long climb to success, Henry, a man who lived relatively modestly, bought a boat. His friend and fellow composer David Rose had one, too....
"On the weekends, Ginny, the kids, and I enjoyed going out for a cruise. I would get up on my flying bridge with my sailor's cap on and have a wonderful time. Usually, toward the end of the trip, we would put the drinking flag up and have one of our afternoon toddies. One Sunday I was sitting there luxuriating in the sea air, my foot up on the flying bridge, leaning back with a drink in one hand and guiding the boat with the other, when I saw smoke coming towards us. It was David, chugging along in one of his steamboats, the black smoke pouring out of it. It reminded me of Little Toot in the cartoons. He drew nearer, and I could see him, his wife, Betty, and their kids. Then I saw that he too had a drink in his hand.
As his boat passed mine, he raised his drink in a kind of salute and called out, "Aren't you glad you practiced, Hank?"
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Later he purchased a vacation home in Vail and was there one Christmas with the producer of Laugh-in, George Schlatter...
"George and I had decided to take a mid-morning break. We went down to Vail village and entered a tiny shop. We ordered hot chocolates and were standing at the counter drinking them when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw a young, good-looking couple.
The man asked, "Are you Henry Mancini?"
And I, giving my best "ah, shucks" crooked smile, replied, "Well, yes, I am."
He said, "You dropped your credit card."
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(from Did They Mention The Music? by Henry Mancini with Gene Lees, Contemporary Books, Chicago, 1989)
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