#517666 - 04/20/05 09:22 PM
Please help me
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Monhe
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Registered: 04/20/05
Posts: 2
Loc: New York
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I am looking for some feedback on a song I wrote. I have been working on it for weeks now and sometimes I like it, sometimes i think it sucks. Would really appreciate it if anyone could listen and let me know what they think of the music, lyrics and lead voxs. Any help would be appreciated. Would be happy to return the favor.
Song is "I lose"
http://www.myspace.com/monhe
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#517667 - 04/21/05 12:51 AM
Re: Please help me
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nursers
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Registered: 03/31/01
Posts: 10135
Loc: Australia
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How about introducing yourself Monhe 
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#517668 - 04/24/05 02:42 PM
Re: Please help me
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shniggens
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Registered: 12/06/01
Posts: 3006
Loc: Denvoid, CO
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It sucks!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, just kidding. I didn't even listen to it.
_________________________
Amateur Hack
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#517670 - 05/12/05 07:28 AM
Re: Please help me
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Sendai
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Registered: 05/03/05
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It's fine. I like the fact that all of us musicians can now get our music out like this! I like the tension released in the rock section - you gotta give people something to grab a hold of.
I wonder, do we really need another sad song about how life sucks? The lyrics are sort of a downer...
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#517671 - 05/12/05 08:24 AM
Re: Please help me
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Steve West
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Registered: 05/09/05
Posts: 34
Loc: Midwest
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It's very melodic and haughting to me. I really like it. It sounds very contemperary (being an old schooler myself)to me. Did you do all the parts or is this your band? Keep up the good work
and let me know when the CD is available ;-)
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#517672 - 05/15/05 10:37 PM
Re: Please help me
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Monhe
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Registered: 04/20/05
Posts: 2
Loc: New York
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Thanks all for the feedback. I agree the lyrics are a bit of a downer, I am trying to quit...but you know its really hard to write a happy song 
I did not play all the instruments, actually I only played guitar and did the lead vocals, and my friend pretty much did everything else.
I appreciate the feedback. If there is anything I can ever help out with let me know.
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#517673 - 05/20/05 07:07 PM
Re: Please help me
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nursers
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Registered: 03/31/01
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You still haven't introduced yourself
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#517674 - 05/27/05 07:25 AM
Re: Please help me
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Welsh Knight
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Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 22
Loc: Burnley
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Melancholy song. Needs more "guts" and strings on the middle eight. Try it on a piano with strings instead of the guitar, and increase the level of the bass. (in my opinion of course)
_________________________
Bring back tunes and melodies!
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#517675 - 05/28/05 04:38 PM
Re: Please help me
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jonnie 5
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Registered: 03/23/05
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Thats a good song!!!! i'm really into john frusciante, so i love anything mellow like that.
well done. keep it up.
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#517676 - 06/09/05 12:48 PM
Re: Please help me
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RicBassGuy
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Registered: 02/02/05
Posts: 3651
Loc: Metro Detroit, MI
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Overall, Monhe, I think it's a decent song. It clocks in at 3:26, so it's not too long. Yet still experiments with some variety so it doesn't sound overly repetitive; pretty good for something based primarily on an 8-count/4-chord progression. Like Sendai said, rocking out in the middle is greatly appreciated, as well as the outro. The melody works, the picked guitar chords work, the piano and the other instruments are a nice addition. I only listened twice, and I can still hear the "I lose"s in my head (it's good to be catchy).
However, allow me to get nitpicky. 
I'm not a big fan of the way the chorus sounds the first two times. Something with the volume of your voice dropping to accommodate the backup vocals without making that section any louder than the verse? Have you tried it more as an alternating duet? I think that'd work better: have the female vocals handle the chorus with the same amount of "up frontness" your vocals have during the verse. You can join her on the "I lose"s with the harmony line you sing at the end of the song. Keep the vocals up front! Or give them a dynamic direction; probably a slow fade on the vocal tracks (w/ or w/o increasing effects) over the "I lose"s would be cool, IMO. But don't fade them out completely. Keep the last chorus (in the outro) as is.
On the "rock out bridge", I have a hard time hearing your vocals over the distorted guitar; I think there's some frequency masking going on. If that's what you want, fine, let it be. At the end of this, however, the drums seem to cut too abruptly for my taste; let the cymbals ring or fade them out more slowly.
Personally, I think the song is too laid back for the 4-letter word. If you were getting really emotional, teary-eyed, loud, angry ... fine ... but I don't hear that. Try something more subdued, more subtle. (Or maybe it's just the geezer in me that doesn't relate to you young'ns.) "No one wants to lay with me", etc.
Did I say I was gonna nitpick? Yes, and I did. And now I feel somewhat souless ... like a producer! 
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