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#2002249 - 10/16/08 08:59 AM Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig
Joe Muscara Offline
Double Secret Banninated
10k Club

Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 15486
Loc: Houston, TX
I wanted to start a thread about things to say to keyboard players at a gig. Here are some to get us started. Please feel free to add more. I hope to someday hear these:

Hey! Nice rack!
What else can you do with your fingers?
Wanna tickle my ivories?
K.331, 3rd movement!

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KC Island
#2002251 - 10/16/08 09:09 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Joe Muscara]
retrokeys Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 1478
"I really like your organ"

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#2002254 - 10/16/08 09:16 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Joe Muscara]
wmp Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 12/02/04
Posts: 2982
Loc: MA
My favorite this year:

Will you sing Happy Birthday for my friend for $100?
_________________________
--wmp

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#2002261 - 10/16/08 09:27 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: wmp]
kanker. Offline
KCFF League Champ '13
10k Club

Registered: 08/05/05
Posts: 12338
Loc: Indy
The guitar player's ok, but YOU! You're a genius!!
_________________________
I am an enemy of the Pats.

A ROMpler is just a polyphonic turntable.

web space
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#2002267 - 10/16/08 09:38 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: kanker.]
Mike Davis Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 1106
Loc: Florida
Would you rather have roses on your piano, or tulips on your organ?

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#2002277 - 10/16/08 10:03 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Mike Davis]
meccajay Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 3879
Loc: The Deck
Misty, in C.. two...three...four..
_________________________
TROLL . . . ish.

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#2002290 - 10/16/08 10:58 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: meccajay]
Outkaster Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 02/25/06
Posts: 3669
Loc: Rochester, NY
That Leslie 145 sounds badass!
_________________________
"Danny, ci manchi a tutti. La E-Street Band non e' la stessa senza di te. Riposa in pace, fratello"


noblevibes.com


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#2002296 - 10/16/08 11:21 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Joe Muscara]
Witchman Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/01
Posts: 17
Loc: Apex,NC,UNITED STATES
"I was blown away by how great the bass player was ... you mean that was you playing the bass parts?"

"Could you get your guitar player to turn down so we could hear the keyboard parts better?"

"I really liked how you threw that bit of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #3 into your solo in that Lynyrd Skynyrd song."

"I knew you must be the keyboard player ... you look so much more intelligent than the other guys in the band."

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#2002298 - 10/16/08 11:25 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Witchman]
wineandkeyz Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 02/06/06
Posts: 289
Loc: Hillsborough, NC
"No, man. You shouldn't be way back there next to the drummer. You should be out front where folks can see you."


Edited by wineandkeyz (10/16/08 11:26 AM)
_________________________
Live: Yamaha S70XS, Roland Fantom X7 & VR-700 w/ GSi Burn, Alesis Vortex
Home: Yamaha S90ES, Hammond XK-3 w/ Neo Vent, Alesis QS8.2, Arp Odyssey MkIII, Korg Triton Rack, Roland XV-5080 & JP-8080

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#2002302 - 10/16/08 11:46 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: wineandkeyz]
Blue JC Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 873
Loc: Northeast Ohio, USA
"Food and drinks are free for the band."

"I'll take 3 or 4 Guinness Stouts out of the cooler so they will be room temperature when you want them."

"We have a state-of-the-art house PA and computerized light system and professionals to run them."

"If the stage isn't big enough, we can make it bigger."

"Hi. I'm one of your stagehands. Let me carry that"

"Do NOT play Mustang Sally."

"Here's your pay - and there's a nice tip in there."
_________________________
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. W. C. Fields

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#2002305 - 10/16/08 11:48 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Blue JC]
Steve LeBlanc Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 12/22/00
Posts: 7384
Loc: Los Angeles, CA,UNITED STATES
"play me like you play your piano"

she was cute too \:D

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#2002306 - 10/16/08 11:51 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: wineandkeyz]
tonysounds Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 08/11/05
Posts: 7934
Loc: Chicago
Hi, my name’s Bridgett…huh? Yes, I’m a real redhead! Anyway…wait, let me do this shot of tequila first, cuz I’m kinda nervous….here do one with me….(does shot, grimaces and shudders)….okay, your drummer’s kinda cute (but god is he DUMB, is that an act?)….sorry, told you, I’m nervous. My gymnast sister and I have always wondered what it would be like to have a 3 way, and this is her bachelorette party; anyway, she said when she heard you play that stinky B3 part on Chest Fever, she just about wet herself. Ohmygod…did I just say that??!!! And why would she call it stinky? Oh, Right! Stanky! That’s what she said, stanky. How funny!!! You would so totally like her! Here, we gotta do another shot…..I love tequila, don’t you!!?! (gulps and makes that grimace face again) Anyway, she totally wants to party with you tonite, but she’s too embarrassed to talk to you herself. See that cute short girl waving at you over there (waves back and giggles)….yes, she’s a real redhead too!!!! Gawd!!! Fetish much???? Anyway, we wanna come home with you after your gig or whatever, but this would be a little weird for me and my sister together, so we decided that the only way this would work is if you blindfolded us….that way it wouldn’t be our fault if we accidentally touched each other…much…anyway can we help you put this stuff in your car so we can go to your place? Awesome! Oh...and maybe later, for breakfast we can go get some hot and sour soup??? You so totally rock….(then whispers: but that guitar player really needs to tune up, turn down, and learn some new songs). Cmon Sis, he’s totally into it! And bring the bubbles!


Edited by tonysounds (10/16/08 11:53 AM)
_________________________
Hitting "Play" does NOT constitute live performance. -Me.

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#2002312 - 10/16/08 12:13 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Blue JC]
Dave Ferris Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 4357
Loc: Glendale, Ca.
 Originally Posted By: Blue JC

"If the stage isn't big enough, we can make it bigger."

"Hi. I'm one of your stagehands. Let me carry that"

"Do NOT play Mustang Sally."

"Here's your pay - and there's a nice tip in there."



That's a good start.

"There's going to be a lot of speeches tonight, I hope you guys don't mind the long breaks"

Leader to band...."Looks like everyone's going home early guys, maybe one more and we're done for the evening" UNDERTIME!!!

Leader to band....."They've asked if we can do an hour of OT, my rate for you guys is $150 for the hour. We'll take a little break and cruise the last hour".

"Just pull up and unload in front, give your car to the valet, parking is taken care of."

"Here, let me help you carry that"...

"Don't worry about any "dance music", the DJ has that covered, just play the jazz and standards that we hired you guys for."

"I love jazz, please don't play any of that other typical stuff that everyone else plays".


_________________________
http://soundcloud.com/dave-ferris

2005 NY Steinway D, Yamaha CP4, CP5, RCF TT08A, TT22A speakers


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#2002319 - 10/16/08 12:46 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Dave Ferris]
Dave Ferris Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 4357
Loc: Glendale, Ca.
" Hey don't worry about bringing your keyboard or amp tonight.
They have a brand new Yamaha C7 that will be tuned right before we start. They also have a pair of AKG 414s to mic it. I think that they have Meyer monitors too."
_________________________
http://soundcloud.com/dave-ferris

2005 NY Steinway D, Yamaha CP4, CP5, RCF TT08A, TT22A speakers


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#2002327 - 10/16/08 01:43 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Dave Ferris]
Start/Run Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 364
Loc: Jackson, Tennessee
..."you remind me of Keith Emerson"...

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#2002370 - 10/16/08 04:39 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Blue JC]
B3bluesman59 Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 1007
Loc: La Quinta,CA

When you get this line at a gig "I really like your organ" simply reply as J. Geils used to say "take out your false teeth Mama, I want to suck on your gums...let's get this party started"

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#2002373 - 10/16/08 04:50 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: B3bluesman59]
wineandkeyz Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 02/06/06
Posts: 289
Loc: Hillsborough, NC
 Originally Posted By: B3bluesman59

When you get this line at a gig "I really like your organ" simply reply as J. Geils used to say "take out your false teeth Mama, I want to suck on your gums...let's get this party started"


Great line! (But actually that was Peter Wolf, the lead singer for the J. Geils Band.)
_________________________
Live: Yamaha S70XS, Roland Fantom X7 & VR-700 w/ GSi Burn, Alesis Vortex
Home: Yamaha S90ES, Hammond XK-3 w/ Neo Vent, Alesis QS8.2, Arp Odyssey MkIII, Korg Triton Rack, Roland XV-5080 & JP-8080

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#2002391 - 10/16/08 05:05 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: tonysounds]
Jill Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 06/15/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Portland
 Originally Posted By: tonysounds
Hi, my name’s Bridgett…huh? Yes, I’m a real redhead! Anyway…wait, let me do this shot of tequila first, cuz I’m kinda nervous….here do one with me….(does shot, grimaces and shudders)….okay, your drummer’s kinda cute (but god is he DUMB, is that an act?)….sorry, told you, I’m nervous. My gymnast sister and I have always wondered what it would be like to have a 3 way, and this is her bachelorette party; anyway, she said when she heard you play that stinky B3 part on Chest Fever, she just about wet herself. Ohmygod…did I just say that??!!! And why would she call it stinky? Oh, Right! Stanky! That’s what she said, stanky. How funny!!! You would so totally like her! Here, we gotta do another shot…..I love tequila, don’t you!!?! (gulps and makes that grimace face again) Anyway, she totally wants to party with you tonite, but she’s too embarrassed to talk to you herself. See that cute short girl waving at you over there (waves back and giggles)….yes, she’s a real redhead too!!!! Gawd!!! Fetish much???? Anyway, we wanna come home with you after your gig or whatever, but this would be a little weird for me and my sister together, so we decided that the only way this would work is if you blindfolded us….that way it wouldn’t be our fault if we accidentally touched each other…much…anyway can we help you put this stuff in your car so we can go to your place? Awesome! Oh...and maybe later, for breakfast we can go get some hot and sour soup??? You so totally rock….(then whispers: but that guitar player really needs to tune up, turn down, and learn some new songs). Cmon Sis, he’s totally into it! And bring the bubbles!


Incest is best.

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#2002395 - 10/16/08 05:23 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Jill]
S_Gould Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 03/27/01
Posts: 1159
Loc: Port Charlotte ,FL,UNITED STAT...
You guys have a REALLY rich fantasy life, huh? \:D

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#2002396 - 10/16/08 05:43 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: S_Gould]
learjeff Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 08/09/04
Posts: 7670
Loc: NC, USA
Play more Monk and Mingus.

(OK, NOW he's dreaming!)
_________________________
Learjeff.net

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#2002398 - 10/16/08 05:54 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: learjeff]
Stephen Fortner Moderator Offline
But who is number 1 ? ...
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 2669
Loc: Back to Oakland, CA, UNITED ST...
With regard to Tonysounds' original post, I couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes straight.

Once, in like, 1998, I had an attractive, mid-20's-ish burner type approach me after a gig, make some small talk, then tell me she loved the B-3 and thought my sounds were great. She asked if I was playing through a real Leslie, and I pointed to the modded 142 (thank you, Keyboard Specialties) I had onstage. Her reply, and I kid you not:

"Wanna go home with me later?"

I don't think I've ever moved a Leslie that fast before, or ever again, in my life.
_________________________
"I'm just a confused musician who got sidetracked into this damned word business..." -Hunter S. Thompson

Stephen Fortner
Editor in Chief, Keyboard Magazine
NewBay Media LLC

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#2002413 - 10/16/08 06:50 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: learjeff]
B3bluesman59 Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 1007
Loc: La Quinta,CA
Great line! (But actually that was Peter Wolf, the lead singer for the J. Geils Band.)
_________________________________________________________________
"And on the lickin' stick....Mr. Magic Dick"!!!

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#2002415 - 10/16/08 06:51 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Stephen Fortner]
ELP71 Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 11/09/01
Posts: 808
Loc: USA
"The guitar is too loud. Let me turn it down so I can hear you better."

"I really like your extensions."

"Oh, don't worry. We'll move your stuff for you. Parked a mile away? No problem - just pull your car up, we'll have it ready."

"Please DON'T play 'Brown Eyed Girl'!!!"

"Man, what are YOU doin' here?" (after they sit at the bar and put bread in your jar)




Edited by ELP71 (10/17/08 08:58 AM)
_________________________
Weasels ripped my flesh. Rzzzzzzz.

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#2002443 - 10/16/08 09:37 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Joe Muscara]
Jill Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 06/15/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Portland
From lead guitarist:

Superstition, in E flat.

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#2002449 - 10/16/08 10:03 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: learjeff]
David Loving Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 12/11/00
Posts: 4532
Loc: Texas
you sound just like Dr John
_________________________
in Waxahachie, Texas

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#2002455 - 10/16/08 11:15 PM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Dave Ferris]
ivorycj Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 942
Loc: 5280
 Originally Posted By: Dave Ferris
"Hey don't worry about bringing your keyboard or amp tonight.
They have a brand new Yamaha C7 that will be tuned right before we start. They also have a pair of AKG 414s to mic it. I think that they have Meyer monitors too."


I did a gig at the Billy Graham Training Center in Ashevile, NC over last Thanksgiving, and they told me their C7 was tuned and watered every 14 days. I don't think they were lying. That was an INCREDIBLE piano.

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#2002472 - 10/17/08 05:03 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: ivorycj]
SK Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 4058
Loc: North America
(fantasy) After the last song of the night, a guy comes up and says:

"I was just about to yell ONE MORE!... but I stopped myself when I thought about it:

You guys have been playing hard all night. It was my fault for coming in late, and it would have been selfish to ask for even one more song.

Please accept this $1,000 tip to show my appreciation for the little bit I heard. Killin'!"
\:\)

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#2002473 - 10/17/08 05:17 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Stephen Fortner]
Steve Force Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 8684
Loc: Metro-Detroit, Michigan
 Originally Posted By: Stephen Fortner
With regard to Tonysounds' original post, I couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes straight.

Once, in like, 1998, I had an attractive, mid-20's-ish burner type approach me after a gig, make some small talk, then tell me she loved the B-3 and thought my sounds were great. She asked if I was playing through a real Leslie, and I pointed to the modded 142 (thank you, Keyboard Specialties) I had onstage. Her reply, and I kid you not:

"Wanna go home with me later?"

I don't think I've ever moved a Leslie that fast before, or ever again, in my life.



She had a modded 142 as well?

;\)
_________________________
"forceman" -Detroit, Michigan
--------
My Professional Websites

My musical gear Blog

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#2002477 - 10/17/08 05:36 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: Joe Muscara]
muzikteechur Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/30/08
Posts: 1288
Loc: Kittery, Maine
On my mother's eyes, I swear this is a true story: this happened to me in December of 1995. My (1st) wife and I were invited to a Christmas party at the home of some rather affluent friends.
These friends have a beautiful Steinway that I had been after them to tune for a long time. They asked me to bring my Christmas book and perhaps play a few carols at some point at the party. I said: "Sure, but you'll have to get the Steinway tuned!"
They did, I did, and the piano sounded GREAT. The tuner had done a great job - and had even returned the day of the gathering to make sure it hadn't "settled" any.

So, on to the party. Wine, women, and song, and folks were having a grand time. When it seemed appropriate, I sat down at the piano and began playing some light jazz and Christmas tunes. This one very drunk lady (today we'd call her a "Cougar") began hanging around, tickling my ear lobes, and generally making a nuisance of herself, much to my wife's amusement. I tried to ignore her (the drunk cougar, not my wife).
She began to get aggressive and at one point moved over to my right side and actually plunked her ass down on the keys - hard. I stopped playing and said "Madam, PLEASE! This is a FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT!" to which she pulled up her very short skirt, revealing no panties, and replied: "So's THIS, Baby!"

And that, my friends, is something you SHOULD say to a piano player.
_________________________
Muzikteechur is Lonnie, in Kittery, Maine.

A-105, Leslie 715, XK-3c, Kurz PC1x, Neo Vent, Motion Sound KP-200S, and a bunch of other stuff that weighs too much and doesn't sound authentic.



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#2002499 - 10/17/08 06:43 AM Re: Things TO say to keyboard players at a gig [Re: muzikteechur]
retrokeys Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 1478
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner!!

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