"If the stage isn't big enough, we can make it bigger."

"Hi. I'm one of your stagehands. Let me carry that"

"Do NOT play Mustang Sally."

"Here's your pay - and there's a nice tip in there."

When you get this line at a gig "I really like your organ" simply reply as J. Geils used to say "take out your false teeth Mama, I want to suck on your gums...let's get this party started"

Hi, my name’s Bridgett…huh? Yes, I’m a real redhead! Anyway…wait, let me do this shot of tequila first, cuz I’m kinda nervous….here do one with me….(does shot, grimaces and shudders)….okay, your drummer’s kinda cute (but god is he DUMB, is that an act?)….sorry, told you, I’m nervous. My gymnast sister and I have always wondered what it would be like to have a 3 way, and this is her bachelorette party; anyway, she said when she heard you play that stinky B3 part on Chest Fever, she just about wet herself. Ohmygod…did I just say that??!!! And why would she call it stinky? Oh, Right! Stanky! That’s what she said, stanky. How funny!!! You would so totally like her! Here, we gotta do another shot…..I love tequila, don’t you!!?! (gulps and makes that grimace face again) Anyway, she totally wants to party with you tonite, but she’s too embarrassed to talk to you herself. See that cute short girl waving at you over there (waves back and giggles)….yes, she’s a real redhead too!!!! Gawd!!! Fetish much???? Anyway, we wanna come home with you after your gig or whatever, but this would be a little weird for me and my sister together, so we decided that the only way this would work is if you blindfolded us….that way it wouldn’t be our fault if we accidentally touched each other…much…anyway can we help you put this stuff in your car so we can go to your place? Awesome! Oh...and maybe later, for breakfast we can go get some hot and sour soup??? You so totally rock….(then whispers: but that guitar player really needs to tune up, turn down, and learn some new songs). Cmon Sis, he’s totally into it! And bring the bubbles!

"Hey don't worry about bringing your keyboard or amp tonight.
They have a brand new Yamaha C7 that will be tuned right before we start. They also have a pair of AKG 414s to mic it. I think that they have Meyer monitors too."

With regard to Tonysounds' original post, I couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes straight.

Once, in like, 1998, I had an attractive, mid-20's-ish burner type approach me after a gig, make some small talk, then tell me she loved the B-3 and thought my sounds were great. She asked if I was playing through a real Leslie, and I pointed to the modded 142 (thank you, Keyboard Specialties) I had onstage. Her reply, and I kid you not:

"Wanna go home with me later?"

I don't think I've ever moved a Leslie that fast before, or ever again, in my life.