The killer is "I just wanted to make sure you are still here." Yikes. Is it ok to laugh?!?!

About all you can do is laugh. I never thought runnig to the store for groceries would feel like a vacation.

also titled
Why you have not seen much of me lately.
also titled
I need to vent and this place is good as any.

About 4 months ago my dad went into the hospital for what should have been simple treatment. He had an infection in his hip and the blood was too thin. He takes Coumadin for his heart and it always needs adjusting. My dad is on peritoneal dialysis and the closest hospital that supports that type of dialysis is 90 miles away. This time he ended up on a floor that likes to medicate patients to keep them quiet. In three weeks he went from feeling bad to near death and could not stand. We pulled him out and put him in a local hospital. They immediately found that the over-medication was causing him to aspirate and that resulted in pneumonia in both lungs. Not good for someone that is 82 years old. That hospital does not support peritoneal dial so my sister and I had to go do it for him every day. It takes about 9 hours from set up to finish and one of us had to be there the entire time. Before he got sick he did his own dialysis over night letting the machine run as he sleeps. It took 11 and ½ weeks for him to recover enough to go home. By then he had lost so much mussel that he is too weak to stand. He is recovering and learning to walk again. We have three people hired to stay around the clock on week days but I have to go every night to start his dialysis and I stay with him all weekend. He lives 35 miles from me.

My sister lives two miles away from my dad. I thought that her and my brother-in-law would be taking week about with me in the care situation. The week my dad was scheduled to get out of the hospital my brother-in-law committed suicide. It was really unexpected and we can only guess that he thought he had cancer again and could not deal with it. Of course she now questions the time she had to spend with my dad during the 14 week hospital stay as being a reason she did not notice a problem with her husband. I’m trying to watch after her as best as I can while still being caregiver for my dad.

Tuesday night I got to spend my first night at home, in my own bed, for the first time since my dad got home from the hospital. It is nice to at least have someone to watch him at night during the week. Wednesday night my sister called me at 3:30 AM to let me know that my mother was on the way to the hospital. She has congestive heart failure due to not taking her medicines correctly. My mother tries to manage her own medicines and being in the early stages of Alzheimer’s does not help. The doctor says she should be out of the hospital Sunday or Monday.

At least work has been very supportive. Before this started I had built up 2 weeks of vacation and 300+ hours of sick leave. A good chunk of that is now gone. Even so, I am thinking about taking a half day off this evening (Friday) for some “me” time before heading to my parents’ house for the weekend. Once there my dad will be calling for me at least once an hour day and night. “I need to pee.” “What time is it?” “Turn that TV off.” And the most aggravating, “I just wanted to make sure you are still here.”

Thanks for letting me vent.

how do you get the creative spark back? I take a keyboard and my MacBookPro with Live installed when I go but I cannot get started. After a dozen calls of "Hey Bob" there is nothing left. I cannot relax and get into the music. I'm thinking that I need to chance my process. Any suggestions?