#1807001 - 09/08/07 09:31 AM
Bandmate has B.O.!
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Chad
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Registered: 05/15/01
Posts: 3098
Loc: Pittston, Maine, USA
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I'm just putting together a little blues band, my first experience as a leader. My problem is outlined in the subject: our keyboard player, a great player and singer, and a sweet girl, has a real B.O. problem.
I don't want to lose gigs for this reason, and truthfully, practices would be a bit more pleasant if this problem were rectified. (I want the band to be "stanky", but not stinky, if you see what I mean.) How can I approach this woman in a gentle way about this so that she doesn't a) get hurt feelings; b) get mad and quit? Anybody ever have to deal with such a touchy personal problem in the band?
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"Gear snobs can shampoo my crotch, for all I care." - dcr
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#1807011 - 09/08/07 09:56 AM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: Chad]
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SpaceNorman
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Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 312
Loc: Michigan
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Yikes!! I can't imagine having to deal with a bandmate with a chronic odor issue in this day and age. My experience with "stink" is that it eminates from one of three root problems - a medical problem (which if is the case, rest assured she's already painfully aware of the problem), a mental health issue (depressed to the point she's totally "let herself go" sort of thing....which if is the situation means you're going to have lots of other problems if you haven't already), or it's a financial thing (doesn't have ready access to a shower, doesn't have the resources to readily take care of laundry, etc.)
If it's bad enough that you feel you have to address the problem - deal with it like you would any other problem. Be honest, direct, non-judgemental and as kind as you can be given the situation. You had best be certain that it's really as bad as apparently feel it is (hey, everybody has a "bad" day every now and then....) because as with anything as personal as this - don't be surprised if the conversation goes badly. Very badly!
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The SpaceNorman 
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#1808181 - 09/10/07 07:20 PM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: SpaceNorman]
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Paul K
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Registered: 05/16/06
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Loc: Ithaca, NY
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My wife used to manage a restaurant. She has said without a doubt that these things need to be addressed early in the relationship. Like at the shake-'yer-hand-glad-to-meet-ya beginning. She'd go over it at the same time she'd be explaining how the damn time card machine worked, when your hours are, where the vacuum cleaner is, etc. The earlier in the relationship you deal with this, the better. Don't let it, ah...what's the word here... fester. It won't be pretty, but it'll be better than the alternative.
A shot of tequila might make it easier. Start off with "I love you, but we've got a problem...."
Best of luck....
Peace
Paul K
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#1808794 - 09/11/07 06:38 PM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: Paul K]
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NoahZark
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Registered: 11/06/05
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Loc: Maryland, USA
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If she's hot, why not just ask her to shower with you. 
Sorry, that wasn't very helpful, was it. . . . . 
Noah
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#1816601 - 09/27/07 04:04 PM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: NoahZark]
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Jeff Klopmeyer
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Registered: 10/13/00
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Loc: Redondo Beach,CA,UNITED STATES
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Hmmm, stinky band member, possibly compounded by the fact that she's of the opposite sex and might be all the more offended by the mention of it.
This is a toughie. I know it might not seem like a big deal immediately, but I've performed with guys who either had horribly BO or killer halitosis, and it is not a pleasant situation to be in close proximity with them.
I can't think of a graceful way to broach this topic. Not one. My only piece of advice is to try and do this in private so she doesn't feel like everyone else in the band has been ripping on her about her stinkiness behind her back.
By the way: have the other members in the band pointed this out to you?
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#1816959 - 09/28/07 01:56 PM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: Jeff Klopmeyer]
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rickygclef
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Registered: 06/14/07
Posts: 626
Loc: LI, NY
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Find out when her birthday is or wait for Christmas if you can take it and get her a gift certificate to Bath and Body Works.
All they have there is good smelling stuff mostly for women. Might work. ? Either that or burn insence at rehearsal
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#1846081 - 11/24/07 03:09 PM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: rickygclef]
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Picker
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Buy her a can of industrial strength Right Guard and hope she gets the message...
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You're only young once, but you can be immature forever...
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#1847244 - 11/27/07 01:26 AM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: Picker]
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alfonso
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Registered: 11/06/00
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Loc: Fregene, Italy.
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I think a friendly, discrete and far from the others approach on the subject from a health concerned point of view could be the way, possibly together with a couple serious solutions previously researched for....You could also say that you have a cousin or someone else you know with the same problem, quoting an example of some disease (not too dangerous to avoid paranoia) that you have previously found as possible....usually the "medical" approach puts the conversation on a different interpersonal level, being more serious and more acceptable.
I could be wrong...people are different, but this is what I would do.
Edited by alfonso (11/27/07 01:27 AM)
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#1848762 - 11/29/07 12:28 PM
Re: Bandmate has B.O.!
[Re: alfonso]
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Paul K
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Registered: 05/16/06
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Loc: Ithaca, NY
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So Chad: How about an update on the ol' Stink-o-meter? We're just dying to know how this turned out!
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