I found this little gem over at the Keyboard corner. The audacity of it makes this so much worse than "The Final Countdown"

MONK WITHOUT THE "MISTAKES"

An excerpt from the text:

One day, around 1958, I heard a very interesting piece of music that turned out to be a jazz pianist named Thelonious Monk. It pickled my interest because it was very different from anything I had ever heard. Although his music fascinated me, I had very mixed feelings. On the one hand, Mr. Monk had obvious talents, but on the other hand, his piano playing was very messy, and his songs had many funny notes and rhythms. Over the many years that I have been studying his music, I have grown to the conclusion that his songs would be much better, and much more popular, if many of the dissonances, or "wrong notes," were removed.

I cannot display enough

Oh. My. God.

That guy should not be allowed to do anything anymore. Anything.

He took Monk and made it Yanni.

Bastard.

This guy is the biggest of all time.

The audacity is amazing. Taint. Punch.

Dis ist vaht vee do ins Austria. Vee must make de verld safe fur all zee peeple who kan't vait more dan two measures for chordal resolution. Ve haf only zee two legs so wvy vee make dis musik wis so many uneven beats.

Now im not pretending to be a Monk expert of anything, but that shit aint right

Much Love
Dave

I just... I just... wait... is this NOT a joke? Man, it would be funny if it was a joke. So, he's serious?

Ist das nicht der elevator muzik? (pardon my pidgin German)

It reminds me of Pat Boone's versions of "Tutti Frutti" and "Long Tall Sally".

I read a very interesting play that turned out to be a writer named William Shakespeare. It pickled my interest because it was very different from anything I had ever read. Although his writing fascinated me, I had very mixed feelings. On the one hand, Mr. Shakespeare had obvious talents, but on the other hand, his writing was very messy, and his play had many funny words and rhythms. Over the many years that I have been studying his work, I have grown to the conclusion that his plays would be much better, and much more popular, if many of the funny words and iambic pentameter were removed.

Wow. That's pretty obnoxious.

Hahah... You almost have to love the guy for being so pig-headed... I mean... when most people hear "wrong notes" in music and don't like them, they just stop listening or something... this guy... hahaha... he changes the music to fit his taste!

This reaches a previously unattainable level of douchebagishness.

You could try taint-punching this dude, but... I have a feeling that there's nothing but asshole on him.

Even Satan would think this guy was a (expletives deleted).

Check out his birthplace.. but don't hold it against him..

Bet I could sight read his renditions of Coltrane's tunes.

I learned from an unimpeachable source that Hans has two other works-in-progress:

1. Hans G. cleans up Grateful Dead tunes,
2. Hans G. slows Dream Theatre tunes down to 90 BPM.

Words fail me.

Ken, have you heard this album?



1. You've Got Another Thing Comin'
2. Smoke on the Water
3. It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N Roll)
4. Panama
5. No More Mr. Nice Guy
6. Love Hurts
7. Enter Sandman
8. Holy Diver
9. Paradise City
10. The Wind Cries Mary
11. Crazy Train
12. Stairway to Heaven

I've never heard it. I've heard OF it.

I remember that when that was released, Pat went around the talk show circuit. I seem to remember him saying that he was surprised by the musicality in metal, and wanted to give it his own spin.

I'm pretty sure he never claimed to be improving it.

Now I'm curious enough to see if it's on iTunes. If it is, I've gotta hear Enter Sandman and Stairway.

I have heard that Pat Boone "metal" album, owned it for a minute. High irony value that fades fast. Some interesting arrangements, compositionally, but...

As for the subject of the OP- if there is a musical Karma, he'll soon go deaf anyway.

Peace,

wraub

Dammit, I can't get it to play. It's just "connecting..."

Grrrrrr.

This may be a travesty beyond all travesties.

By the way, 0-9, you have way too much websurfing time on your hands.

myspace was made for cool stuff like wraubmusique.

Peace.
--s-uu

i went and listened to that. why i'll never know. afterward i shot myself in the face. i'm about to go drink a nice tall glass of molten lead to get the taste out of my mouth. after that i'm hoping the resulting lead-poisoning dementia will erase all memory of ever having heard that.

Sweets, you have that real expensive 'puter with the "Taste Filter" turned on. There's a button somewhere in Windows XP Professional where you can switch it off!

Mine loaded, but dropped out a bit for buffering. So let's see. "Well You Needn't," one of my favorite Monk tunes can be bleached by:

1. Remove all syncopation
2. Turn all swing eighths to straight ones.
3. Take out the hip 1-b2 Dominant progression, and use a diatonic second chord.
4. Remove all sense of energetic speed.

Music is about tension and release. This guy's eliminated all the tension; a sure way to boredom.

Wonder how many homo-erotic symbols are on HIS album cover.

Sorry, Dave. No gay man is that square. This is definitely the work of a red blooded breeder.

I just listened to his version of "Well You Needn't," and A/B'd it with the original. This is not a "cleaned up" version of the technique on the original. It is a version that completely removes all the swing from the original. What, did this guy say, "If only Thelonious Monk could sound more like Richard Clayderman...if only we could free it up of all that pesky syncopation*...if only the swing 8s could be straight 8s*...if only it were more--more white..."?

"Von day, Mutti, venn I am a Mann, I schall make alle der Moosik sount yust like dee Ferrante und Teischer!"

[Edit: Dave, I notice you picked up on those changes right off, too!]

Not sure if you'll still be as enthused when you actually hear it ...

He does prove, with his version of Holy Diver, that a strong song remains strong, even when butchered as such.

Think I'll go for Paul Anka's Rock Swings album instead ...

As reprehensible as this deed is, need I remind anyone that a greater Satan now OWNS MySpace?

Oh, no doubt.

But those hidden agendas and private curiosities.....

Have I ever mentioned that I once heard Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It in muzak, on a bona fide radio station, as part of their regular programming? No? Well - some things are just too awful to recount.

Nick said: That's been bothering me all week. I am thinking I need to close out my page there.

Perfect!

Music for the elevator which takes us straight to musician's hell.

Why couldn't he get Enya to add some vocals?

ughhh!

both for the muzak and the new myspace owner



Monk rules!

Murdoch has owned MySpace for some time, now.