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Really OT: What do I do about a freeloader?


Sharkman

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Last month a long ago friend called me up. I have not seen or heard from this guy in over ten years, and honestly, I forgot all about him. I'll call him Mikey the Moocher, since his name is Mike. We talked on the phone for a few hours, catching each other up on what has happened in all the time that has gone by since we last talked. In that one phone conversation, he wanted me to order and send him this, get him one of those, send him something that I owned, help him fix his resume so he could find a new job, and send him a link to a listing on Ebay, since going to Ebay and typing in "Zippo lighter display" is far too complicated for him. But the line that he crossed was when he asked me to make him some money in the stock market. He wants me to take $2,000 and build it up to a large enough amount so that he can retire. Seriously.

 

Anyways, he has just called me for the eleventh time since we talked. I have not answered the phone when I see it's him on caller ID, and I have not returned his calls. I figured he would have taken the hint that I don't want to talk with him anymore, but he must not have anyone else that will talk to him, so he keeps calling me. Oh, he has been evicted twice after living with friends who probably got fed up with subsidizing his lazy butt and didn't want to hear any more of his excuses about why he can't pay the rent. He lives in Tennessee now, hundreds of miles away, so I don't have to worry about him showing up at my front door. And I know better to not let him in the house if he did show up, because then he could claim that I offered to let him move in, and I would have to let him stay for at least thirty days before I could go to court and file for an eviction.

 

Any ideas what I should do with Mikey? I thought he would figure out after ten unanswered and unreturned phone calls that I don't want to talk to him, but he just called me up again this morning for the eleventh time. I hate to come across like a bad guy and tell him what I really think of him, but I may not have any other choice. If any of you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

I rock; therefore, I am.
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He calls me up on my landline phone, so I don't know how or if I can block his number. He lives in Tennessee, so I would probably have to go down there to file any kind of legal complaint. Oh, another thing I forgot to add in my original message. He never offered to pay for any of the things that he wanted. He didn't even offer to pay for shipping. I just don't want anything to do with this leech.
I rock; therefore, I am.
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He calls me up on my landline phone, so I don't know how or if I can block his number. He lives in Tennessee, so I would probably have to go down there to file any kind of legal complaint. Oh, another thing I forgot to add in my original message. He never offered to pay for any of the things that he wanted. He didn't even offer to pay for shipping. I just don't want anything to do with this leech.

 

 

I understand.

 

How much time do you spend on your landline? I ask because I realized a few years ago that it would be cost effective to swap it out for a Tracfone. You can use the same number if you want to so the people who know your number can still call you. You can block numbers so you could disconnect him. I bought an Android "smart" phone at Kroger's for $30.

 

If you don't spend a lot of time talking on your landline, an equivalent Tracfone would need 4 updates a year at $20 each = $80 annual cost. Or you could spring for a year, it's a little over $100 but you'd get a lot more minutes to talk.

Texts are included and you can add 1,000 texts online for $5 if you need them. I switched most of my conversations to text over time.

 

Eventually I was given an "extra phone" by my bassist, transferred all my contacts and changed my number, leaving a considerable number of pest "friends" behind, hopefully forever.

It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is.
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I got myself a smart phone and gave up my landline. As Kuru said, you can keep your number and transfer it to your smart phone. Put the guy on your contacts list so he and his number always shows up on your phone screen. When he calls, just swipe the hang up choice and he will go to your voice mail. You can then check to see if he left a message or just delete the call. You can also block the number if no message is left. This will work for anyone you do not want to talk to.

 

The first thing I would do is take his call and tell him to quit calling you. You are no longer interested in talking to him. See if that works...+1 if he shows up on your doorstep, don't let him in. Talk to him through the window, door, etc. tell him to leave or you will call the police. :cool:

Take care, Larryz
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As long as he thinks he can get something from you he'll keep calling, so next time he calls tell him it's great to hear from him as you're losing your house/apartment and maybe he can lend you some money until you get settled?

 

I'm only half kidding...the last thing a mooch wants is someone mooching from them.

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I understand not wanting to be the hard guy, but sometimes, that"s what it takes.

 

That doesn"t mean you have to be an ass. Just tell him 'Nope.' Short & sweet. Hang up if you have to. Keep telling him 'Nope.'

Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ

 

My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx

 

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Flip the script, that always freaks out a moocher -

 

Next time he calls, tell him how hard things have been, how down on your luck you are, and maybe if he could send YOU a few thousand bucks, you'd be on your way to something better. When he starts to make nosies about, "Well man, you know, I'm not in a position to help . . .", scream at him that he's a useless (here insert your favorite obscenity, or string thereof) and that he should NEVER call you again!

 

If you're in a really cruel mood, you could always say, "Man, if I were in your position, I'd just kill myself. Yeah, that's what you should do . . ." then hang up, forever.

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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  • 2 weeks later...

Here is my suggestion, Answer the phone, tell him you like him a lot but you are not going to do a single thing he asks (as per in your original post above or any other money favor) If that is what he wants you to do, you don't need to continue your friendship with him. I have learned to say no to anyone about anything except the wife and my children, and my and my wife's sisters.

 

After being screwed over back in the day I learned that I can let someone make me feel bad because they never repaid me, or they can feel bad when I insist on being paid or never talking to them again. Here is what I say to myself, the choice is; me feel bad and ripped off, or he/she feels bad and pissed. I chose the latter every time. After years of people trying to take advantage of me, I learned that if it is a real friend he/she will not burden me with his/her burdens, simple.

 

AND ONCE YOU KNOW HOW, SAYING NO IS EASY........

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The expression is, "What you allow, continues."

 

I have observed in my life that people without boundaries only understand a direct "no," because other people setting boundaries for them, is they only way they have ever had any. They may get angry about it in the moment, because lack of boundaries is entirely about instant gratification, but then they will cope with and even be grateful for the "no."

 

They do not suddenly "get the message" without a direct and firm no. Letting calls go to voicemail will do nothing. He'll call 100 times if he thinks there might be something to gain from the 101st.

 

It does not make you a bad person or friend; quite the opposite, it helps someone regulate themselves when they don't capacity to do so themselves. Often people without boundaries feel closest to and most receptive to the ones who tell them no.

 

Answer the phone. Tell your friend you were put off that the first time he called you in 10 years, it was to ask for a bunch of things. Tell him to take you off the list of people he asks for things from. Then make sure he understands what you're saying, and let him know it's non-negotiable. He needs to take his business elsewhere if he's hoping to get anything. THEN it's fine not to take his calls, and you shouldn't. Teach him boundaries by saying no once and sticking to it.

 

Now, flip side: as I read your OP, I was struck with the impression that this guy is really suffering. It's clear he feels incapable of taking care of himself, for whatever reason. Most "takers" aren't trying to get something extra, but fill a void up to break-even point (which is never arrived at). If you want to add a little humanity to your response to him, maybe also have handy the number for one of those televisit psych services. He doesn't have to use it, but you never know. You might be helping someone who doesn't really know how else to ask for it.

Now out! "Mind the Gap," a 24-song album of new material.
www.joshweinstein.com

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