Jump to content


Please note: You can easily log in to MPN using your Facebook account!

Musician Joke I just heard.


Recommended Posts

Musician joke - A conductor needed to get a sub for their clarinetist in orchestra. Vendor told him the only person available is a jazz clarinetist. Conductor was reluctant, but they had four rehearsals so decided to give the musician a try. The first rehearsal didn't go very well but after clarinetist had chance to practice the second and third rehearsals went much better. On the last practice the clarinetist nailed the music. After rehearsal was over the conductor went out of his way to praise the clarinetist for his ability to learn the music. The clarinetist then thanked the conductor and orchestra and said, too bad I can't make the performance. :D

AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251

Link to comment
Share on other sites



  • Replies 22
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

reality check ...

 

once, I got hired as a keyboardist for concert touring w/ a given artist and there was a musical director already.

This guy and me, we became closed friends and because he was also busy w/ film scoring, he asked me if I want to do some arranger work (for that given artist mentionerd above) too.

I agreed and for the upcoming tour I became the 2nd musical director because we shared the work ...

 

When rehearsals began,- the crew called me "semi-conductor" ... :D

 

A.C.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can somebody mansplain the joke for me?

Here's the full version. It's about Jazz musicians:

 

The Jazz Player's Reputation

A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, "The only guy I've got available is a jazz clarinetist."

 

"I can't stand working with jazz musicians!" says the conductor. "They dress shabbily, they're always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem." "He's all I've got," says the contractor. "OK," says the conductor, "I'm getting desperate, so I'll take him."

 

The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he's practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor's suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly.

 

During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He's always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well."

 

Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication."

 

The clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do since I can't make the gig."

J a z z  P i a n o 8 8

--

Yamaha C7D

Montage8 | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven

K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A jazz musician calls his union office, and asks if there is a seat available in the big band of a notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader. 'I"m sorry,' the union rep says, 'but the leader of that band passed away last night.'

 

The next night, the musician calls the office again, asking about the same gig. 'I"m sorry, but the bandleader died two days ago. Didn"t you call about this yesterday?'

 

The musician responds, 'I just wanted to hear you say it.'

Samuel B. Lupowitz

Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can somebody mansplain the joke for me?

Here's the full version. It's about Jazz musicians:

 

The Jazz Player's Reputation

A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, "The only guy I've got available is a jazz clarinetist."

 

"I can't stand working with jazz musicians!" says the conductor. "They dress shabbily, they're always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem." "He's all I've got," says the contractor. "OK," says the conductor, "I'm getting desperate, so I'll take him."

 

The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he's practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor's suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly.

 

During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He's always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well."

 

Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication."

 

The clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do since I can't make the gig."

 

Excellent. Someone told me that joke over the phone and he told it a little different. I never heard the real version. Thanks.

AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can somebody mansplain the joke for me?

 

I think the joke is about a jazz player who will sub-out if a better gig, or more prestigious gig materializes. The idea that the jazzer wasted the the time of conductor is just creative licence.

 

Personally, I was just glad to have any gig.

AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In 1988 I had a bass player not show up for a pit band gig of The Sound of Music because he had a better paying gig. I immediately fired him and the next day bought a TX-7 so I could play LH bass on my DX-7 for the rest of the run. That was the one and only time I"ve experienced this.

 

I"ve played over 1000 jazz gigs in the past 25 years and have not once had a jazz player back out of a gig for more money or prestige. Just not done. No drugs. No drunken gigs. No missing the start of a set. Just mid-level guys playing their best, professionally.

 

Well, that"s my anecdotal evidence. Care to share yours?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A jazz musician calls his union office, and asks if there is a seat available in the big band of a notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader. 'I"m sorry,' the union rep says, 'but the leader of that band passed away last night.'

 

The next night, the musician calls the office again, asking about the same gig. 'I"m sorry, but the bandleader died two days ago. Didn"t you call about this yesterday?'

 

The musician responds, 'I just wanted to hear you say it.'

 

I believe that notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader might be a certain drummer whose name loosely rhymes with "Ugly B*tch". ð

Custom Music, Audio Post Production, Location Audio

www.gmma.biz

https://www.facebook.com/gmmamusic/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In 1988 I had a bass player not show up for a pit band gig of The Sound of Music because he had a better paying gig. I immediately fired him and the next day bought a TX-7 so I could play LH bass on my DX-7 for the rest of the run. That was the one and only time I"ve experienced this.

 

I"ve played over 1000 jazz gigs in the past 25 years and have not once had a jazz player back out of a gig for more money or prestige. Just not done. No drugs. No drunken gigs. No missing the start of a set. Just mid-level guys playing their best, professionally.

 

Well, that"s my anecdotal evidence. Care to share yours?

 

I played background jazz gig at hotel lobby or function. The gig wasn't mine and leader who was sometimes there and other times absent filled rest of band with Berklee students. There was a lots of sub-outs for above reasons and other reasons. The subs they got were all players so it was fine (except I became a taxi service a lot of the times.)

 

I was just happy to have some gigs that I could play jazz.

AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can somebody mansplain the joke for me?

Here's the full version. It's about Jazz musicians:

 

The Jazz Player's Reputation

A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, "The only guy I've got available is a jazz clarinetist."

 

"I can't stand working with jazz musicians!" says the conductor. "They dress shabbily, they're always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem." "He's all I've got," says the contractor. "OK," says the conductor, "I'm getting desperate, so I'll take him."

 

The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he's practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor's suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly.

 

During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He's always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well."

 

Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication."

 

The clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do since I can't make the gig."

 

Excellent. Someone told me that joke over the phone and he told it a little different. I never heard the real version. Thanks.

 

 

I found it on thr Berklee site. Here are some good Haikus from there: Haha :)

 

 

Solo pianist

Freed from all constraints of form

Heedlessly mangles

 

Best man pays sideman

Leader's greediness revealed

Rebellion ensues

 

Riffing on "Rudolph"

Musicians in red and green

Learn humility

 

I'm sending a sub

Not to worry, he'll be fine

He's fresh from rehab

 

The jam session starts

The bassist calls "Giant Steps"

Cold fear grips my brain

 

Women crowd bandstand

Lured by my outrageous chops

My alarm clock rings

 

Free jazz temptation

Strikes during the bride's first dance

What would Wynton do?

 

Break time is over

Rest of band is returning

Now for that phone call

 

The drummer helped

Me count the syllables in this

Haiku

 

I once had a dream

Big house, new car, big money

Now I play the bass

J a z z  P i a n o 8 8

--

Yamaha C7D

Montage8 | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven

K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe that notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader might be a certain drummer whose name loosely rhymes with "Ugly B*tch". ð
I had the same thought, and it makes the joke funnier, but I didn"t recall originally hearing the joke with a specific musician at the butt of it... that said, I"m remembering it through a haze of at least a decade.

Samuel B. Lupowitz

Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The real question is - how many "jazz clarinetists" do you even know? :laugh: Unless you play strictly dixieland or 20s style jazz. Then ones I know are sax players who also play clarinet(s) and/or flute(s).

Check out Anat Cohen.

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yogi Berra explains Jazz.

 

Interviewer: Can you explain jazz?

 

Yogi: I can't, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong.

 

Interviewer: I don't understand.

 

Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can't understand it. It's too complicated. That's what's so simple about it.

 

Interviewer: Do you understand it?

 

Yogi: No. That's why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldn't know anything about it.

 

Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today?

 

Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it.

 

Interviewer: What is syncopation?

 

Yogi: That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds.

 

Interviewer: Now I really don't understand.

 

Yogi: I haven't taught you enough for you to not understand jazz that well.

Wm. David McMahan

I Play, Therefore I Am

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FYI, we've had a long running humor thread for a long time, IIRC it has musician jokes and not. Maybe these should be merged? Just sayin'.

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...