16251 Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Musician joke - A conductor needed to get a sub for their clarinetist in orchestra. Vendor told him the only person available is a jazz clarinetist. Conductor was reluctant, but they had four rehearsals so decided to give the musician a try. The first rehearsal didn't go very well but after clarinetist had chance to practice the second and third rehearsals went much better. On the last practice the clarinetist nailed the music. After rehearsal was over the conductor went out of his way to praise the clarinetist for his ability to learn the music. The clarinetist then thanked the conductor and orchestra and said, too bad I can't make the performance. Quote AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElmerJFudd Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 LOL - oh how typical this is. But, I have to say, they are great about finding a sub. Quote Yamaha CP88, Casio PX-560 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Coda Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 reality check ... once, I got hired as a keyboardist for concert touring w/ a given artist and there was a musical director already. This guy and me, we became closed friends and because he was also busy w/ film scoring, he asked me if I want to do some arranger work (for that given artist mentionerd above) too. I agreed and for the upcoming tour I became the 2nd musical director because we shared the work ... When rehearsals began,- the crew called me "semi-conductor" ... A.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PianoMan51 Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Can somebody mansplain the joke for me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzpiano88 Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Can somebody mansplain the joke for me? Here's the full version. It's about Jazz musicians: The Jazz Player's Reputation A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, "The only guy I've got available is a jazz clarinetist." "I can't stand working with jazz musicians!" says the conductor. "They dress shabbily, they're always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem." "He's all I've got," says the contractor. "OK," says the conductor, "I'm getting desperate, so I'll take him." The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he's practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor's suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly. During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He's always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well." Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication." The clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do since I can't make the gig." Quote J a z z P i a n o 8 8 -- Yamaha C7D Montage8 | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamuelBLupowitz Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 A jazz musician calls his union office, and asks if there is a seat available in the big band of a notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader. 'I"m sorry,' the union rep says, 'but the leader of that band passed away last night.' The next night, the musician calls the office again, asking about the same gig. 'I"m sorry, but the bandleader died two days ago. Didn"t you call about this yesterday?' The musician responds, 'I just wanted to hear you say it.' Quote Samuel B. Lupowitz Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
16251 Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 Can somebody mansplain the joke for me? Here's the full version. It's about Jazz musicians: The Jazz Player's Reputation A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, "The only guy I've got available is a jazz clarinetist." "I can't stand working with jazz musicians!" says the conductor. "They dress shabbily, they're always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem." "He's all I've got," says the contractor. "OK," says the conductor, "I'm getting desperate, so I'll take him." The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he's practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor's suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly. During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He's always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well." Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication." The clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do since I can't make the gig." Excellent. Someone told me that joke over the phone and he told it a little different. I never heard the real version. Thanks. Quote AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
16251 Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 Can somebody mansplain the joke for me? I think the joke is about a jazz player who will sub-out if a better gig, or more prestigious gig materializes. The idea that the jazzer wasted the the time of conductor is just creative licence. Personally, I was just glad to have any gig. Quote AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PianoMan51 Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 In 1988 I had a bass player not show up for a pit band gig of The Sound of Music because he had a better paying gig. I immediately fired him and the next day bought a TX-7 so I could play LH bass on my DX-7 for the rest of the run. That was the one and only time I"ve experienced this. I"ve played over 1000 jazz gigs in the past 25 years and have not once had a jazz player back out of a gig for more money or prestige. Just not done. No drugs. No drunken gigs. No missing the start of a set. Just mid-level guys playing their best, professionally. Well, that"s my anecdotal evidence. Care to share yours? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcgoo Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 A jazz musician calls his union office, and asks if there is a seat available in the big band of a notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader. 'I"m sorry,' the union rep says, 'but the leader of that band passed away last night.' The next night, the musician calls the office again, asking about the same gig. 'I"m sorry, but the bandleader died two days ago. Didn"t you call about this yesterday?' The musician responds, 'I just wanted to hear you say it.' I believe that notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader might be a certain drummer whose name loosely rhymes with "Ugly B*tch". ð Quote Custom Music, Audio Post Production, Location Audio www.gmma.biz https://www.facebook.com/gmmamusic/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nursers Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Phil Collins? Quote The Keyboard Chronicles Podcast Check out your fellow forumites in an Apple Music playlist Check out your fellow forumites in a Spotify playlist My Music: Stainless Fields Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
16251 Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 In 1988 I had a bass player not show up for a pit band gig of The Sound of Music because he had a better paying gig. I immediately fired him and the next day bought a TX-7 so I could play LH bass on my DX-7 for the rest of the run. That was the one and only time I"ve experienced this. I"ve played over 1000 jazz gigs in the past 25 years and have not once had a jazz player back out of a gig for more money or prestige. Just not done. No drugs. No drunken gigs. No missing the start of a set. Just mid-level guys playing their best, professionally. Well, that"s my anecdotal evidence. Care to share yours? I played background jazz gig at hotel lobby or function. The gig wasn't mine and leader who was sometimes there and other times absent filled rest of band with Berklee students. There was a lots of sub-outs for above reasons and other reasons. The subs they got were all players so it was fine (except I became a taxi service a lot of the times.) I was just happy to have some gigs that I could play jazz. Quote AvantGrand N2 | ES520 | Gallien-Krueger MK & MP | https://soundcloud.com/pete36251 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Williams Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Phil Collins?That was pretty rich, Nursers! Quote -Tom Williams {First Name} {at} AirNetworking {dot} com PC4-7, PX-5S, AX-Edge, PC361 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nursers Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Phil Collins?That was pretty rich, Nursers! What are you talking about Buddy? Quote The Keyboard Chronicles Podcast Check out your fellow forumites in an Apple Music playlist Check out your fellow forumites in a Spotify playlist My Music: Stainless Fields Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzpiano88 Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Can somebody mansplain the joke for me? Here's the full version. It's about Jazz musicians: The Jazz Player's Reputation A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, "The only guy I've got available is a jazz clarinetist." "I can't stand working with jazz musicians!" says the conductor. "They dress shabbily, they're always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem." "He's all I've got," says the contractor. "OK," says the conductor, "I'm getting desperate, so I'll take him." The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he's practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor's suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly. During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He's always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well." Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication." The clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do since I can't make the gig." Excellent. Someone told me that joke over the phone and he told it a little different. I never heard the real version. Thanks. I found it on thr Berklee site. Here are some good Haikus from there: Haha Solo pianist Freed from all constraints of form Heedlessly mangles Best man pays sideman Leader's greediness revealed Rebellion ensues Riffing on "Rudolph" Musicians in red and green Learn humility I'm sending a sub Not to worry, he'll be fine He's fresh from rehab The jam session starts The bassist calls "Giant Steps" Cold fear grips my brain Women crowd bandstand Lured by my outrageous chops My alarm clock rings Free jazz temptation Strikes during the bride's first dance What would Wynton do? Break time is over Rest of band is returning Now for that phone call The drummer helped Me count the syllables in this Haiku I once had a dream Big house, new car, big money Now I play the bass Quote J a z z P i a n o 8 8 -- Yamaha C7D Montage8 | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamuelBLupowitz Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 I believe that notoriously temperamental, tyrannical bandleader might be a certain drummer whose name loosely rhymes with "Ugly B*tch". ðI had the same thought, and it makes the joke funnier, but I didn"t recall originally hearing the joke with a specific musician at the butt of it... that said, I"m remembering it through a haze of at least a decade. Quote Samuel B. Lupowitz Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRW Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 The real question is - how many "jazz clarinetists" do you even know? Unless you play strictly dixieland or 20s style jazz. Then ones I know are sax players who also play clarinet(s) and/or flute(s). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 The real question is - how many "jazz clarinetists" do you even know? Unless you play strictly dixieland or 20s style jazz. Then ones I know are sax players who also play clarinet(s) and/or flute(s). Check out Anat Cohen. Quote "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Harrison Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 The real question is - how many "jazz clarinetists" do you even know? Unless you play strictly dixieland or 20s style jazz. Then ones I know are sax players who also play clarinet(s) and/or flute(s). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddy_DeFranco [video:youtube] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveMcM Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Yogi Berra explains Jazz. Interviewer: Can you explain jazz? Yogi: I can't, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong. Interviewer: I don't understand. Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can't understand it. It's too complicated. That's what's so simple about it. Interviewer: Do you understand it? Yogi: No. That's why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldn't know anything about it. Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today? Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it. Interviewer: What is syncopation? Yogi: That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds. Interviewer: Now I really don't understand. Yogi: I haven't taught you enough for you to not understand jazz that well. Quote Wm. David McMahan I Play, Therefore I Am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveCoscia Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 That's funny, Dave Quote Steve Coscia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Harrison Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 [video:youtube] [video:youtube] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 FYI, we've had a long running humor thread for a long time, IIRC it has musician jokes and not. Maybe these should be merged? Just sayin'. Quote "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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