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Regret and/or mistake in not joining a band


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I was asked to join an 80's post punk new wave band that had a good playlist with plenty of great keyboard parts and solo's.

I've been looking for the right band for a long time and this one had me very interested. They are a part time gigging band which suited me fine.

I started to learn their playlist and was getting excited as playing the songs was even better and more enjoyable than i realized they would be.

I was curious about how they sounded as I knew nothing about them and had never heard them. They had a audio clip on Bandmix and I eagerly went to listen to it. The band sounded pretty good but... the lead singer and "band leader " had a voice I just can't be comfortable with. He sings okay and delivers the goods on time and with enthusiasm but I don't like his low, dull tone with no spark or edge. His voice has no high range or crispness and I just don't like it.

I quit before the first rehearsal and now I'm wondering if I should have at least gone and played with them to check them out?

It's water under the bridge because I let the bands bass player know the reason and he related it to the rest of them, so there's no way the singer would want me now even if I changed my mind.

Did I screw up or am i just following what I think are good I instincts?

It's kind of bugging me that's why I've bothered to post it here to see what others think.

Kurzweil PC3K8/ GSI Gemini Desktop/ ESI UNIK 8+ monitors/ QSC K8.2/ Radial Key Largo/ CPS Spacestation 

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That's as real as it gets!!!!

 

To have fun, you need to enjoy the experience. You like what you like and you don't what you don't.

 

I've had bands slowly wear me down and eventually I quit. I've done auditions, been asked to join and declined. Recently we tried a drummer for a pickup gig as our regular guy was going to be out of town.

30 seconds in and I was ready to let him go his own way. The bandleader and bassist wanted to continue with the audition so I grinned and endured.

 

Mostly (sort of) one beat and a propensity for bashing his crash cymbals during vocal parts. Earplugs in and I managed not to grit my teeth.

 

We found somebody else.

 

If you are gigging, you are selling fun. If it's not fun, time to go home. Don't spend a minute second guessing it.

It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is.
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My reply didn't post, so I'll try again.

Your thread title immediately reminded me of this record I played organ on a few years ago. I loved this who record by Darrel Scott, one of the truly greatest songwriters I've ever known.

[video:youtube]

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I feel like any helpful worlds I might have are overshadowed by that impeccable song that Steve posted. Wow, what perfect lyrics, over an impeccable arrangement. I really felt it (I think all of us have felt that at one time or another). Might have to pick up the whole record, especially if all the organ playing sounds like that. :wink:

 

Did he sound like this?

 

[video:youtube]

:roll:

Samuel B. Lupowitz

Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado.

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Some years back a band that was starting to make some good things happen for themselves told me they were considering adding a keyboardist to their lineup, and asked if I might be interested. I turned them down because I had a steady, good paying gig with a cover band that I didn't want to jeopardize. They got someone else to fill the keyboard slot and went on to do a lot of things that I would have liked to be part of, while my cover band situation went on to become... "toxic" is a strong and overused word, so it's just call it "untenable."

 

In retrospect it's easy to beat myself up and tell myself that I should have seen both of those things coming and made different choices. But the truth is, there's no way to know such things. For every band in their situation that goes on to do what they did, there are ten more that crash and burn. So while I don't consider it to be among my top 10 favorite choices I've made, it's not something I lose sleep over.

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In considering whether to join a band you try to figure out what might change and what is set in stone. The lead singer's voice is probably stone and if it turns you off it probably does most other people as well. Furthermore, a lot of the things you think might be changeable probably are not.

 

A reverse parable: as I was finishing college I got offers from two bands to "go to LA and go big!" They weren't delusional -- they both had a real shot. I wasn't the greatest keyboard player (still ain't), but I had the right sound, look, and character to fit in. Like most bands that think they'll make the big time, they didn't, though one of them continued to be a big deal locally for 20 more years. Frankly, between a stable career and a shot at stardom, it wasn't a hard choice.

Gigging: Crumar Mojo 61, Hammond SKPro

Home: Vintage Vibe 64

 

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I'be been there, and continue to learn how not to beat myself up over these things. Either 1) I made the best decision I could given the information I had available at the time, or 2) I suspect I didn't do that.

 

Regarding the former, wishful thinking is no reason to beat ourselves up. Who wouldn't have bought Amazon stock at the beginning if we only knew!

 

With the latter -- either not doing something I think I should have, or vice versa -- I try to figure out what to take from it all. Maybe, for example, I should not have let some little thing bother me and stop me from otherwise doing something I wanted. It still catches me off guard, though, when sometimes the only way to learn what we want for ourselves is to first learn what we don't want.

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I feel like any helpful worlds I might have are overshadowed by that impeccable song that Steve posted. Wow, what perfect lyrics, over an impeccable arrangement. I really felt it (I think all of us have felt that at one time or another). Might have to pick up the whole record, especially if all the organ playing sounds like that. :wink:

 

 

Yes! That was a joy to listen to. Haunting, too.

 

Meanwhile, my 'mistake in not joining a band' story was over before it even began. Never met the band, simply passed on the idea after seeing their ad in the Chicago Reader, sometime in mid-late 1988. The band was called the Smashing Pumpkins. Oops... :laugh::cry:

'Someday, we'll look back on these days and laugh; likely a maniacal laugh from our padded cells, but a laugh nonetheless' - Mr. Boffo.

 

We need a barfing cat emoticon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Go with your instincts. I try to picture myself on the same stage and assess whether I'm comfortable being a part of what's being presented. Then I think about what disclaimers I'd have to make to my closest friends/musicians who might come see us.

Roland Fantom 06; Yamaha P-125; QSC K10; Cubase 13 Pro; Windows 10

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Wow thanks Steve for posting that Darrell Scott song, love it and will be listening to some more of his work :thu: I also think it answers the question raised by this thread beautifully.

 

Allan: that is a damn cool 'near miss' ;)

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It may have been a missed opportunity, depending on what else you have going. The last band I was in had some good musicians, a good song list, and were actively gigging. The singer was pitchy and didn"t have the best voice, but he had good stage presence and an effervescent personality which the audience loved and connected with.

 

While I"m cursed (in a good way, mostly) with perfect pitch, most of the folks in the audience weren"t and they seemed oblivious and just enjoyed our shows. At the end of the day, I really enjoyed playing and gigging with the guys and was glayd to be a part of it.

 

Also remember that singers sometimes come and go, or band mates sometimes splinter off and end up achieving greatness with the right addition or combination.

 

For me, I enjoy playing music and can endure some bumps along the way. Any time I can work through new material and synergies with other musicians I feel some level of reward and satisfaction - experience is invaluable, both good and bad.

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tonybanksfan - you did the right thing in the right way, and it shows character.

 

I think so too. I told the bass player it's better to pull the pin now rather than lead the band on a few weeks or months and then quit.

Still, because I was excited about the whole thing and then to find one fly in the ointment it was tough to abandon ship.

Kurzweil PC3K8/ GSI Gemini Desktop/ ESI UNIK 8+ monitors/ QSC K8.2/ Radial Key Largo/ CPS Spacestation 

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BEEN there done that Tony!!! Stuck it out for about four years! It opened me up to a new group of musicians that were not aware of my abilities, but it turned into drudgery!!! It helped me but I felt at times I was selling my soul to do it!!! I did eventually land a job with the top band in the local genre and though it only lasted a few years, it put me in a great spot of being the first call for bands in need and a slot with the best Part Time band. I recently turned down another top Full time band on the circuit for other reasons. Until 2020 I averaged 170 show a year.

Jimmy

 

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho

NEW BAND CHECK THEM OUT

www.steveowensandsummertime.com

www.jimmyweaver.com

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I think you did the right thing, if the vocals were bothering you before playing with them, no telling how bad it would get after 3-6 months. And this way you wasted less of your and their time. I might not have been so honest with the bass player as to the reason not to join, and perhaps left the door open to work with them in the future, but you essentially did the right thing.

 

I had a situation recently where one of my favorite local bands asked me to join, and while I love the music, and am friends with everyone in the band, I passed. For several reasons, 1, they have 2 very busy guitar players, and I would have to be fighting for space for keyboard parts, 2, they have a kind of perfectionist attitude, and tend to rehearse a lot for very few gigs, and 3, I knew them well enough to know that there was a band dynamic that I don't feel like I could contribute to, in fact, I feel that, much as I like the guys in the band, there's a pretty toxic band relationship. I do regret my choice, but I still think it was the right choice. The reason I told them I wasn't joining, which is true, is that I didn't have time to commit to another band on the level they were demanding, and I didn't want to leave any of my current projects.

Turn up the speaker

Hop, flop, squawk

It's a keeper

-Captain Beefheart, Ice Cream for Crow

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"I quit before the first rehearsal and now I'm wondering if I should have at least gone and played with them to check them out?"

Gotta disagree with some on here - I'd have gone to experience a live rehearsal. You could then tell if you could fix it or live with it. We can all waste far too much time in seeking perfection where it cannot exist, be it in band, house, car, job or woman. What would it cost? A day or two? Or spend your life searching for unobtainium?

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"I quit before the first rehearsal and now I'm wondering if I should have at least gone and played with them to check them out?"

Gotta disagree with some on here - I'd have gone to experience a live rehearsal. You could then tell if you could fix it or live with it. We can all waste far too much time in seeking perfection where it cannot exist, be it in band, house, car, job or woman. What would it cost? A day or two? Or spend your life searching for unobtainium?

 

Yes, I agree as well, that is/was what I was struggling with, but now I have to move on. Made the decision, have to live with it. It's not gonna bother me too much, I'm 60 years old and had my share of musical experiences so I'm alright with it now.

Kurzweil PC3K8/ GSI Gemini Desktop/ ESI UNIK 8+ monitors/ QSC K8.2/ Radial Key Largo/ CPS Spacestation 

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Did he sound like this?

 

[video:youtube]

 

So he actually sounded quite a bit like Roland Orzabal of Tears for Fears but had a deeper tone. Head over heels was in our playlist, luv the song.

Now, I expect some people here might disagree with me about his voice but I just find it too distinctive and on the muted dull side.

 

Kurzweil PC3K8/ GSI Gemini Desktop/ ESI UNIK 8+ monitors/ QSC K8.2/ Radial Key Largo/ CPS Spacestation 

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I guess that I'm lucky that I have had zero regrets passing on a band where there were clear warning signs, and checking out of a few where the problems didn't show up until later. Performing music live is a very complex, sophisticated task -- and not everyone is up to the challenge, despite good intentions all around.

 

The one thing I look for is whether or not the band members sincerely want to get better at what they do, and are willing to invest their time and effort to do so. That alone will cover for many ills, but not all of them. Occasionally, despite the best intentions all around, it just isn't going to happen, and then I check out.

 

Vocalist can't remember the lyrics? Big tablet, or pads of paper on the ground. Guitar player can't get a decent tone? Hook him up with someone who's figured that out. Set list sucks? Put up a Facebook poll and have your audience check in. Drummer keeps slipping the beat? Click track for you, my friend.

 

The other thing that I've found can help is intermixing various band musicians with non-band players in jam sessions. They're always on their best behavior when new people are involved.

 

And the best reason for not joining a band? "You guys are after something big, and I'm not sure I can devote the time to what this band deserves".

Want to make your band better?  Check out "A Guide To Starting (Or Improving!) Your Own Local Band"

 

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August Zadra asked my to join a Boston/Journey Tribute as a keyboard player maybe 15 years ago. At the time I still had a pretty busy day job and I'd need to commute to practice from Phx to LA, so I turned him down. August went on to become Dennis DeYoung's guitar player. I've kinda regretted that one for a while...

 

I can tell you that I've joined more than one band that I've regretted though so maybe it evens out?

You want me to start this song too slow or too fast?

 

Forte7, Nord Stage 3, XK3c, OB-6, Arturia Collection, Mainstage, MotionSound KBR3D. A bunch of MusicMan Guitars, Line6 stuff

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Not much to add except:

 

1) As you already said, you're not going to lose sleep over it either way.

2) Had I the free time, I probably would have gone to the rehearsal. I'd have done my homework, hit a home run, impressed them all that I'm the only keyboard player they'd really want. Then made it clear the decision would be mutual - as they made their decision about me, I'd be taking some time to make my decision about them.

3) If it wasn't the right situation to invest my time, I probably would not have been so frank and specific about the vocalist's voice to the bass player, and declined for more generic and conciliatory.

 

 

At least out here where I gig, all the regular players know each other. I get referred to all sorts of opportunities from surprising and unexpected sources. Maybe the vocalist I don't prefer (and never worked with) ends up referring me to a lucrative opportunity down the road.

 

Anyway, that's generally my thinking on this stuff. I try to leave everyone with a similar impression - competent, does his homework, shows up on time and prepared, nails the parts, sense of humor, positive energy, deals with the decisions professionally.

..
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About five years ago I got an IM from a band member of a progressive music group, offering a spot in their band. They were playing all the pioneering progressive music: Yes, ELP, Genesis, Gentle Giant, you name it. They needed a keyboard player with the gear from that era and they had seen my website. They rehearse in the Syracuse area, with band members spread out all over - NYC, Syracuse, Scranton. I knew this wasn't a group that could go over in a bar - they were touring the northeast theater circuit. Dream band but not possible as I had a full time day job then and there was no way I could drive 120 miles each way for rehearsal, then have to take vacation days for the theater shows. They put on the hard sell though.
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I'm no pro, so any band I would have missed out on wasn't going to be any great big deal :)

 

The one "special" case--a band that was going to travel and play gigs in Ibiza (!), I was 19 years old--I was going to do, but it fell through so no regrets.

 

 

All my regrets are the other way--why, oh why did I waste so much time with bands that (looking back) were quite obviously never going to leave the garage (literally). Eventually I found a band that learned 40-50 songs in a hurry and started gigging--aMAzing what can happen when everyone learns all the songs for practice and you have a PA (both were issue previously). This is my current band of 7 years, on hold due to the virus, and if I ever need to look for another one it has set some pretty high bars to clear :D

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During the mid-1980s a drummer I knew asked me to audition for a new project that featured the founder/lead singer of a Chicago-based hard-rock band that previously had an album out under Epic records. The new project was more pop-oriented and the drummer gave me a cassette that contained these incredibly catchy/tasty tunes. I auditioned with the band and we all just "clicked." I was offered the position but declined about one week later. I had a really good groove happening...I was already in a very popular/successful regional band (the band ended up owning/operating a large nightclub from 1986-1994) and I was attending college, had a girlfriend...but I sometimes wonder what forces would have been set in motion at that moment in time, among those musicians, those songs, circumstances, etc.

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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Bands are like marriages... Meaning that you need a good collaborative relationship. Multiply this by 4 or 5 (depending on the number of bandmates), plus the older you get, the less flexible you are... And let's not forget the true joys of playing in front of Covid infected drunks and asshole club managers, these facts give you a .00034% chance of joining a band that will be an enjoyable experience.

 

My advice... Play alone, write and record music, or find a new hobby.

'55 and '59 B3's; Leslies 147, 122, 21H; MODX 7+; NUMA Piano X 88; Motif XS7; Mellotrons M300 and M400’s; Wurlitzer 206; Gibson G101; Vox Continental; Mojo 61; Launchkey 88 Mk III; Korg Module; B3X; Model D6; Moog Model D

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