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Need input for title tracks: Do Not Try This At Home


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After a long, hot day working in my garden yesterday, I was given the idea for a new, fun recording project. (No, I don't know where the idea came from, it was just there, I don't claim credit for thinking of it.)

 

The working title is Do Not Try This At Home; the album concept is a bunch of pieces built around phrases usually seen on warning labels & signs. I already have -

 

Harmful Or Fatal If Swallowed

 

No User-Serviceable Parts

 

Do Not Feed Or Annoy The Animals

 

Contents Under Pressure

 

If you have any favorites I may have missed, please post them here. Still considering Do Not Drive Or Operate Heavy Machinery, but not committed to that one, yet. Thanks, everyone!

 

 

 

As any good Deadhead will know, Caution, Do Not Stop On Tracks was taken long ago.

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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After a long, hot day working in my garden yesterday, I was given the idea for a new, fun recording project. (No, I don't know where the idea came from, it was just there, I don't claim credit for thinking of it.)

 

The working title is Do Not Try This At Home; the album concept is a bunch of pieces built around phrases usually seen on warning labels & signs. I already have -

 

Harmful Or Fatal If Swallowed

 

No User-Serviceable Parts

 

Do Not Feed Or Annoy The Animals

 

Contents Under Pressure

 

If you have any favorites I may have missed, please post them here. Still considering Do Not Drive Or Operate Heavy Machinery, but not committed to that one, yet. Thanks, everyone!

 

 

 

As any good Deadhead will know, Caution, Do Not Stop On Tracks was taken long ago.

 

'Contents Under Pressure' is in my notebook of potential titles from many years ago.

'Keep Out Of Reach Of Children'

'Not For Human Consumption'

'Do Not Operate If Intoxicated'

'Unplug Before Opening'

Scott Fraser
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Thanks to Scott Fraser & Larryz!

 

"Not For Human Consumption" & "Do Not Use Near Open Flame" have made the list! "For External Use Only" is a possibility, although I personally prefer "Do Not Ingest".

 

Upon further reflection, "Do Not Drive Or Operate Heavy Machinery" is too much fun to ignore. "Danger: High Explosives" also has an appeal.

 

Any other entries?

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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I really like Scott"s 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Children'. It has a built-in retort for critics. ;)

 

How about...

 

'Hearing Protection Required'

'Noise Area: May Cause Hearing Loss'

'Loud Noise Hazard'

'Wear Goggles When Handling'

'Beware of a Falling Rock'

'WARNING: Strong Current'

'Bears In Area'

'Opening Will Void Warranty'

Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ

 

My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx

 

http://murphysmusictx.com/

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I had given some thought to "Danger: Falling Rock Zone". "Opening Will Void Warranty" has the right tone of mindless legal verbiage, but it lacks the threat potential I'm looking for?

 

OTOH, "Keep Out Of Reach Of Children" could be applied to a lot of very interesting things, so it gets on the list.

 

I'd like to see more beachfront warnings? Some of those are close to what I'm looking for . . .

 

"Keep Hands Away" and "Avoid Serious Injury Or Death" are serious contenders; so is "Danger: High Explosives" . . .

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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May cause irritability (I should wear this warning label myself)

Do not use with plunger or in toilet (this is on a Drano bottle)

Contact may result in injury

Always keep blades away from fingers and body

Do not use any Kershaw knife as a stabbing device (I kid you not, it actually says this)

Please do not use this product inappropriately (found on the package for a Cold Steel Bowie knife)

I rock; therefore, I am.
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I have at least one knife that came with a label suggesting it not be used as a weapon - this on a Dagger-style sheath knife?!?!? What was it supposed to be then, a Medieval toothpick?

 

"Keep Hands Away" was the shortest version I found of "Keep Hands Away From Blades", and several variations on that theme, including "Keep Hands Away From Rollers". (Reminded me of the Stephen King's story, "The Mangler".)

 

@Surfergirl - thanks for the explanations with those signs. Had never seen the "Dangerous Shorebreak" sign anywhere that I can recall?

 

I really like "Vapor May Ignite Explosively"!!!

 

Looking up "Swim At Your Own Risk" led me to a quick review of a liability case regarding warning signs in general, an interesting distraction. Considering "Use At Your Own Risk".

 

The "Nude Sunbathers . . ." sign might be an enticement to some, depending on just who was out sunbathing, of course.

 

The "Jet Blast . . ." warning sign would make a great album cover . . . Is that French phrase "You there! (You're the one?) I love you!" part of the sign, or stenciled graffiti?

 

Where did you see a sign that says "Beware Of Walking Logs"? I'm not doubting you, just want to know!

 

I'll put all of everyone's suggestions in my notebook today - I still like real paper notebooks - and make a final list soon.

 

Thanks, everyone, for your input. I really needed this project. The album project that I've been working on is really dark, dark enough that it's been getting to me. This idea came to me as a sort of promise, "Finish that other thing, and then you can do this, it'll be fun!" I'll share any early results, as I finish them.

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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Probably too long but...

 

Objects in Mirror are Closer ThanThey Appear.

 

Then I had the bright idea to google Warning Signs and click Images. There seems to be an infinite supply.

 

This one might be a good band name - Danger Bull

 

Danger of Death

Beware of Vehicles

Risk of Explosion

Toxic Hazard

Sharp Edges Watch Your Fingers

Beware of Opening Door

Caution Fixed Overhead Hazard

Warning Children Left Unattended Will Be Sold To The Circus

Slow Hedgehogs

Slippery Surface

Danger of Falling Objects

Biological Hazard

Wrong Way

Danger Alligators

Warning Syringes

Caution Uneven Surfaces

Compressed Air Hazard

Caution Stupid Kids Crossing

Warning Open Hole

It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is.
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Where did you see a sign that says "Beware Of Walking Logs"? I'm not doubting you, just want to know!.

 

Reminds me of signs my dad has seen in the Caribbean, possibly Jamaica, reading, "Beware of Sleeping Policemen". Definitely requires explanation. Apparently in the local jargon a speed bump is colloquially called a sleeping policeman, because it enforces speed caution without actually doing anything.

Scott Fraser
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@Winston, here is the long definition of shorebreak.

 

https://hioceansafety.com/ocean-hazards-dangerous-shorebreak/

 

This exactly describes something that happened to me when I was very young. Got knocked over backwards into nice soft sand, spent a moment or two lying on my back underwater, looking up at the sky. I wasn't frightened, I thought the sky looked pretty cool through the water. My mother, OTOH, was less thrilled at seeing me suddenly disappear underwater.

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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'Not For Human Consumption'

 

I laughed out loud when I read this one from Scott. I have a package of freeze dried maggots that is sold as fishing bait that has this warning written on the label. Really, Captain Obvious? Was it really necessary to tell people not to eat a package of freeze dried maggots?

I rock; therefore, I am.
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'Not For Human Consumption'

 

I laughed out loud when I read this one from Scott. I have a package of freeze dried maggots that is sold as fishing bait that has this warning written on the label. Really, Captain Obvious? Was it really necessary to tell people not to eat a package of freeze dried maggots?

 

I saw it on a can of tuna sold as cat food. It contained nothing other than tuna, but I suspect not the best part of the fish.

And the maggots, there are places in the world where that might be construed as a delicacy.

Scott Fraser
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'Not For Human Consumption'

 

I laughed out loud when I read this one from Scott. I have a package of freeze dried maggots that is sold as fishing bait that has this warning written on the label. Really, Captain Obvious? Was it really necessary to tell people not to eat a package of freeze dried maggots?

1028.thumb.jpg.2c80ef757f040f87b68e11b3b5c5f87d.jpg

It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is.
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Watch for falling rocks

Beware of dog

Guard dog on duty

Enter at own risk

Do not enter - High Explosives in use

Do not enter - Military gun range

Do not enter - Radio active area

Do not enter - Defoliant poison in use

Do not enter - Area 51

:cool:

Take care, Larryz
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Watch for falling rocks

Beware of dog

Guard dog on duty

Enter at own risk

Do not enter - High Explosives in use

Do not enter - Military gun range

Do not enter - Radio active area

Do not enter - Defoliant poison in use

Do not enter - Area 51

:cool:

 

Someone lives near a military installation, I think . . .

 

I had an interesting encounter with a "Use Of Deadly Force Permitted" sign once.

 

I was delivering a flower arrangement to a downtown D.C. office building, NOT a gov't building. I stepped off the elevator to find myself in a small lobby, facing a man sitting in a booth that looked like a ticket window at an old-school movie theater. Above him, and slightly to his right was a sign indicating "Use Of Deadly Force Permitted", but nothing to explain where I was, or why all the security measures? I told the fellow behind the plexiglass why I was there, he had me wait for a minute, until a very nice young woman came out from a side door and thanked me for the flowers, then I left. I still have no idea who they were?

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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LOL! Winston, no, I'm not living close to a military installation, but I was in the military for a couple of years 69-75 era. I have pulled armed security at a bunker installation in Colorado that even I wasn't told what was in there LOL! I was just thinking of the signs I have seen that would cause one to pause before entering (i.e. poison in use). The typical out in my rural areas no trespassing signs that are a little humorous: Do not worry about the dog, worry about the owner...If you can read this you are in range...No trespassing violators will be violated...What part of no trespassing don't you understand? :cool:
Take care, Larryz
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@Larryz - I used to see one in New England that said "Trespassers Will Be Shot, Survivors Will Be Prosecuted". Add that to a bit of wisdom from an old buddy - "The first shot is just to get their attention."

"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

 

http://www.novparolo.com

 

https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com

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Close Cover Before Striking

Warning! Coffee Is Hot

Danger! Do Not Enter!

You Must Be THIS Tall To Ride This Ride

Slip Hazard

Beware Of Dog!

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

 

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