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OT: Lexophillia-you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna...


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Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as

"you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish",

 

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:

 

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

 

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

 

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

 

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

 

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a

three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

 

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

 

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

 

Smart as$#@ who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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There's a self-help group for people who are excessive talkers. It's called On and On Anon.

 

LOL

 

Good one. A worthy contest winner.

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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They're not all original. The UCLA one was around when I was a kid, in another millennium.

 

Some of my own stuff:

 

True story: years ago I saw some garbage men stop by during their lunch hour to pick up stuff off the record for a little extra cash. I realized that what they were doing was noonlighting.

 

When I filled up a bong's filter with smelly sulfur-iron well water, my guests asked if it was potable.

 

Speaking of water, once when I was hiking I crossed a creek barefoot, very worried about stepping on sharp rocks. I needn't have worried -- the crossing was smooth as silt.

 

A poem about a mosquito in the spirit of Mr. Nash:

I went after him with the force of a juggernaut,

but I still don't know if I hit the bug or not.

 

Not original with me, but a good one:

 

I mailed ten entries to the Pun contest, figuring at least one would win me something, but no pun in ten did.

 

See? -- I don't bitch about it as long as you start with OT....

-Tom Williams

{First Name} {at} AirNetworking {dot} com

PC4-7, PX-5S, AX-Edge, PC361

 

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OT, but some of the best crossword puzzle-solvers in the world are pianists. Something about having to read music while using both hands prepares the brain well for quick association and processing of large amounts of information.

 

Not exactly, related, but your post reminds me of some brain research I did last recently.

 

It was about left brain and right brain and how they interact. I also used some of the material

as a premise for 2 originals.

 

AFAIK, reading music, using both hands on piano, the processing and crossword puzzle solving is primarily Left Brain activity.

{{{{{ topic drift warning}}}

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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Not sure if this counts, but:

 

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

 

Originally a Groucho Marks line. He would have been great at this. Another of his that would have fit: "Come, let us lodge with my fleas in the hills, I mean flee to my lodge in the hills"

 

I've been a big & long-time fan of Stephen Wright too.

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As a child, I became quite a hedonist due to watching the Three Stooges. My philosophy was Eat, Drink, and Beat Larry.

 

In school I had an English teacher who was obsessive about creative writing. She never metaphor she didn't like.

 

Later, in college, I observed two PhD mathematicians sitting on opposite sides of a see-saw, discussing game theory strategies of who should get off first with the least risk of injury to the other. It was quite a paradox.

 

After I graduated and built my first stick-built house, I realized the construction boss was enamored of low brass instruments. He was always telling his workers to bring him a Tuba-something.

 

Not in the same timeline, there was a sleazy little hotel in London, habituated by out-of-work Au Pairs and unsuccessful pickpockets. The police showed up one day looking for prostitutes (presumably to arrest). They didn't find any, even though they had searched every crook and nanny.

-Tom Williams

{First Name} {at} AirNetworking {dot} com

PC4-7, PX-5S, AX-Edge, PC361

 

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Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as

"you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish"

Some artists have used their Lexophilliacilliac behavior to name their Songs or Albums. It's a sickness that unknowingly but viciously takes advantage of us common folk with no sense of humor.

 

Word has it that REO Speed Wagon was actually serious and didn't have that medical diagnosis when they went and named their Album what you said. So I don't fault them for that.

However, they played for some shady outfits in the Ozark region to launder money for someone named "Marty". I lost all respect for them after that.

 

[video:youtube]

J a z z  P i a n o 8 8

--

Yamaha C7D

Montage8 | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven

K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3

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[quote=

 

Word has it that REO Speed Wagon was actually serious and didn't have that medical diagnosis when they went and named their Album what you said. So I don't fault them for that.

However, they played for some shady outfits in the Ozark region to launder money for someone named "Marty". I lost all respect for them after that.

 

[video:

 

I am friends with Wendy and Marty. They say they are not shady. In fact, they own a small island near the Caymans.

 

I can't tell you more than that.

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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