How to say no after an audition

[Mr. Nightime]

I turned down 2 separate bands in the last 6-8 months.

 

The first. I did a rehearsal, and a gig with them. 2 songs into the first set, I decided that it was not for me. In fact, had it not been for MY professionalism, I would have left after the first set. The guitar was 1/4 flat and drastically out of tune from the first note, and he just plowed through. Drummer took a song that started at about 135 BPM, and drug it down to about 50 BPM. It was miserable.

 

I didn't tell them right away, as I was exhausted, and had to work the next day. But, about a week later, the guitar player called me asking about playing a gig. I told him then that I was already booked really solid (my current band was playing 6-7 gigs a month). He asked if perhaps he should get someone else that he knew, and I told him that he should. Funny, I played the club that we played at a couple months later, and the owner and I got in a discussion about him. He noticed just how bad they were, and told me they would never play in his club again.

 

Another time, I spoke with the drummer and guitar player from a band that wanted me to play. But, they were talking about 8-10 gigs a month. There is no way I can play that much, what with my day job, my health, my wife's health, and just not wanting to.

I told them it sounded like it would be fun, but I could not commit to that much time away from home.

 

 

 

[MotiDave]

I"d be careful with a few of the ideas here:

 

1. if you learned a handful of audition songs, gotten yourself to their audition, set up all your pro gear, and started playing with the band ... its a bit late to say you"re kinda too busy. Plus - if you wanted to audition for them, you"ll want to audition for someone else - and word will be around soon enough if you join a different band.

 

2. If you try the ol 'i tried out for another band and it just felt like a little better fit - but you guys are great, good luck!' - you"re likely to get hit back with 'oh, no worries brah, its all cool - so whats the name of the band you"re joining? We know a lot of the bands around here, we"ll come see your play'. DOH!

 

Best not to make up clever shit. Avoid elaborate stories, someone above said it right - the more you talk the sooner you"ll get caught. Might as well just come out with it and tell them they suck. Otherwise just tell them a version of it doesn"t feel like the right set for you, its not quite your vibe, blah blah - something vague and non-judgmental like that. Simple, easy, non-offensive, and you"re out.

[CowboyNQ]

1. if you learned a handful of audition songs, gotten yourself to their audition, set up all your pro gear, and started playing with the band ... its a bit late to say you"re kinda too busy.

Yes!

 

I've been on the other side of this and it is beyond annoying. Thanks very much for wasting our time, person who auditioned.

 

While we, the band, smile and say "no worries," you can be assured those people get a little black mark next to their name. Not a good thing in the very small music community I live in.

[stoken6]

Thanks all,

 

I should explain the circumstances behind my post. I auditioned with a bunch of guys I met at a jam session. At the audition it was clear that these guys weren't at my standard (far from it), and I wasn't going to get any kind of satisfaction out of it. I left the audition with all the usual niceties - "thanks, we'll be in touch".

 

Then the BL called me: "so what did you think?"

- Me: "Well, I don't think it's a good fit"

- BL: "What do you mean? We thought you were great"

- Me: "Thank you, I'm flattered, but, well, you know..."

- BL: "Go on"

- Me (tactfully): "Well, the material and style aren't particularly my thing"

- BL (pleading): "What do you mean?"

(and so on and so on).

 

I could have been very blunt and said "look - I've explained it's a no, there's no point pursuing this conversation", but I didn't want to fall out with the guy as we both attend this local jam session.

 

As it happens I bumped into the BL at the jam and he said "I'm going to keep trying to get you into my band". I just shrugged and said "it's not going to work".

 

Cheers, Mike.

[Joe Muscara]

At the audition it was clear that these guys weren't at my standard (far from it),

 

[snip]

 

As it happens I bumped into the BL at the jam and he said "I'm going to keep trying to get you into my band". I just shrugged and said "it's not going to work".

If by "weren't at my standard" you mean they weren't very good players, they could get better and thus you might dig it after all.

[Markay]

Well based on the most common reasons good players we did not want to leave, but have left the cover bands I have been are:

1. Family committments;

2. Day job demands.

 

So if you have learnt the songs, gone to audition and don't want to join the simple way to handle it is to leave the audition saying you will discuss the time commitments with your partner and get back to them in a couple of days. Then simply tell them you are unable to fit their rehearsal and gigging commitments, or aspirations, in with your current family or job committments.

 

Anyone who is pissed that a player is not prepared to put their band ahead of family or paying the mortgage, is not someone I, or most people, would want in their lives. If the BL is your boss, your partner or close relative then you may have to get really creative.

 

 

[psionic11]

I left the audition with all the usual niceties - "thanks, we'll be in touch".

 

You did the polite thing and deferred. Often that's enough.

 

But when the other party persists, you can try to deflect once again. If they do not pick up the subtle hint, then you will have to more directly just say you're not interested, as you did.

 

Be direct, and don't leave it open-ended.

 

If they persist, don't change your answer, just gradually change your tone of voice:

 

No, thanks. (they persist)..."why"

I'm not interested. (persist)

I said no. (persists)

No! How many times do I have to say no? (but why)

I'm not interested! (persist... at some point you need to be more rude than firm.)

NO!

[MotiDave]

Thanks all,

 

I should explain the circumstances behind my post. I auditioned with a bunch of guys I met at a jam session. At the audition it was clear that these guys weren't at my standard (far from it), and I wasn't going to get any kind of satisfaction out of it. I left the audition with all the usual niceties - "thanks, we'll be in touch".

 

Then the BL called me: "so what did you think?"

- Me: "Well, I don't think it's a good fit"

- BL: "What do you mean? We thought you were great"

- Me: "Thank you, I'm flattered, but, well, you know..."

- BL: "Go on"

- Me (tactfully): "Well, the material and style aren't particularly my thing"

- BL (pleading): "What do you mean?"

(and so on and so on).

 

I could have been very blunt and said "look - I've explained it's a no, there's no point pursuing this conversation", but I didn't want to fall out with the guy as we both attend this local jam session.

 

As it happens I bumped into the BL at the jam and he said "I'm going to keep trying to get you into my band". I just shrugged and said "it's not going to work".

 

Cheers, Mike.

 

Flawless execution, well done! Once again a well played 'its not my vibe' variant successfully assuages the unwanted band and leaves them happy and wanting more of said masterkeyboardplayerdude! If people can take even one bit from this thread ... it is this. Every other alternative response is less attractive than this simple and timeless beauty.

 

I tend to know the musicians that ask me to play with them already - i know their talent. Generally they are more talented than i am. Not a problem. But 'the vibe' thing is critical to me, i have to want to play the music. Once i hear 'yeah, we do a wide range of classic rock - mostly 60s and 70s, folk and blues ...' i"m Out. I"m a head banger - i need that rush of crappy hard rock to get vibed lol. No point lying to ourselves here.

 

Or if I know the lead singer is not a great front person. I just don"t want to play in a band where the front person isn"t a great singer or isn"t a charismatic front performer. Or is really fat. Sorry. Come to think of it-i have a new add to that singer list - if the asshole tells stupid lame pun-inspired jokes that either indicate he"s a douche or preview the next songs title ... between every song. Every. Single. Song. Lesson learned tharrrr.

 

[Outkaster]

You can be honest with people and not have to come across as condescending. Half the time a lot of the bands we are describing ruin it for others in the local scene wherever you are.