Jump to content


Please note: You can easily log in to MPN using your Facebook account!

How to say no after an audition


Recommended Posts

Inspired by this thread, I wanted to ask about forumites' experience in turning down bands after an audition.

- I've been auditioned for several bands where I've liked them and they've liked me

- I've also auditioned and failed (ironically, because I was too quiet - if I hadn't turn down', they might not have turned me down, har har)

- I've also auditioned and decided it's not for me, often because the standard of musicianship isn't high enough. I'm not trying to inflate my own abilities here, but I've auditioned for folks that are rank beginners, and that's not my scene.

 

When this happens, my British etiquette gene kicks in and I find it hard to say "no you guys aren't good enough for me". I end up making some lame excuse about "it's not really my scene/material/etc."

 

How do you guys handle this situation?

 

Cheers, Mike.

Link to comment
Share on other sites



  • Replies 38
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

You don't have to tell them they're no good enough for you. Just say you're out of time because something happened in your musical/professional/family life. Even if they doubt something, they can't really tell the truth.

 

This is polite and at the same time you don't ruin their ego

BTW you never know if some of the band members will be a band mate of yours in a future band situation - the music circle is small enough to hurt other people's feelings

 

Be grateful for what you've got - a Nord, a laptop and two hands
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No different to the way I notify people that have auditioned for a band I am in and didn't make the cut.

 

Along the lines of - thanks for taking the time to audition me, at this time I don't think I am a good fit for your requirements. Best wishes.

 

No point sharing your reasons, your not joining, and you never know who out of that band you would be happy to play with in the future.

 

If they are pissed that you are not joining saying why will just unnecessarily add fuel to the fire.

 

A misguided plumber attempting to entertain | MainStage 3 | Axiom 61 2nd Gen | Pianoteq | B5 | XK3c | EV ZLX 12P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I usually thank them for their time, say that I enjoyed meeting them, playing with them, etc.

 

I then pivot to the sad observation that I've recently taken on a new role at work, or something else non-musical in my life that means I have less time for music than I originally thought.

 

I wouldn't want to hold them back due to me being less available than I'd like.

 

I close with "if things change ..." leaving the door open in the future.

 

And I wish them luck, and that's that. No hard feelings, no burned bridges.

Want to make your band better?  Check out "A Guide To Starting (Or Improving!) Your Own Local Band"

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't played in bands since I was 22. Not much has changed.

 

At some point, you have met good musicians you can click with.

 

Consider starting your own band ? I suppose being a BL [ band leader] is too much, and not something

a keyboardist wants to do.

 

If I was interested in any band, It would have to match my music goals and assumptions/expectations.

Common theme or thinking similar to job interviews, and possibly dating { social/egos].

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I turn down band offers frequently. A lot of us do, some of us not because we are so great but because reliable rock keyboardists are 10x harder to find than a guitarist or bassist. We are unicorn-like.

 

I always use the 'you guys are great but its not my vibe' excuse, personally. Ive used the 'don"t have time for another project right now' too. Only use that one if you"re not going to immediately take on a different project you like, though - as they will hear about it. And technically the first one is true - playing with a gaggle of hacks is not my vibe. I won"t play in a band if everyone is at my skill level. I need a much better lead guitarist and much better lead singer, talent wise, than modest ol me.

The baiting I do is purely for entertainment value. Please feel free to ignore it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, Markay and Dave have it, it's not a good fit for what you're looking for, the vibe didn't really work for you, something really generic. I don't like the stuff some have said about other life changes, no longer being available, that kind of thing... because it can easily get back to them that that's a lie, when you end up in something else shortly thereafter, or when someone tells them they know a guy who's looking and it's you, or when they see your next ad pop up on a musician-available site, whatever. And then you just have a bunch of musicians talking about that talented but jerk of a keyboardist they met. ;-)

Maybe this is the best place for a shameless plug! Our now not-so-new new video at https://youtu.be/3ZRC3b4p4EI is a 40 minute adaptation of T. S. Eliot's "Prufrock" - check it out! And hopefully I'll have something new here this year. ;-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In recent times I check them out on YouTube to see if we"re a good fit. By doing this I don"t let it progress to next step if I don"t want it to. I"ve had some folks insistent over the phone that I play with them but I just hold my ground in the most polite and diplomatic way possible. Never hurt feelings, no negative feedback on their band, and no burnt bridges. At the worst, just some disappointment.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two suggestions:

1) If possible check them out before auditioning so that you have an idea of the level of professionalism, experience, ability, etc.

2) Let them know that you are auditioning with one another band as well (even though you are not) so that you would not be able to provide them an immediate decision.

 

If they are not for you for whatever reason just tell them a few days later that the other band was a better fit. This way you have an out and do not need to make a commitment upon leaving the audition.

57 Hammond B3; 69 Hammond L100P; 68 Leslie 122; Kurzweil Forte7 & PC3; M-Audio Code 61; Voce V5+; Neo Vent; EV ELX112P; GSI Gemini & Burn

Delaware Dave

Exit93band

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like the others said, just thank them for the opportunity but decline the offer without mentioning your reasons. Just be polite and you'll be fine. I did that a number of times without hard feelings.
Trumpet player by trade, but fell in love with keys too.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I usually thank them for their time, say that I enjoyed meeting them, playing with them, etc.

 

I then pivot to the sad observation that I've recently taken on a new role at work, or something else non-musical in my life that means I have less time for music than I originally thought.

 

I wouldn't want to hold them back due to me being less available than I'd like.

 

I close with "if things change ..." leaving the door open in the future.

 

And I wish them luck, and that's that. No hard feelings, no burned bridges.

 

Seriously?

 

____________________________________
Rod

Here for the gear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last drummer who auditioned for us (before we found our current drummer) told us that he didn't think we would be a fit for each other. Our band had also decided we did not think he was a fit for us either, even though he was a nice guy, but I had not found the right words to tell him yet, when he told me his position,

 

The funny thing is that he said he had another friend who played drums who he thought would be a better fit for us, and gave us his friend's contact info. This other drummer has now been our current drummer for 3 years, and he is the best drummer I have ever played with in a pop/rock band.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I too, focus on working bands and try to investigate things before an audition. Here in NW Indiana I usually at least 'know someone who knows someone' in the band and can talk to that person before I commit to an audition. I agree with an honest approach and have found that bands are appreciative of 'putting the cards on the table' and not leaving them hanging. Of course, a respectful delivery is important when turning down an offer, and I often first talk about what I see as their strengths. Generally referencing a 'lack of fit' is a diplomatic way of framing things and have found that someone in the band (e.g., the BL) can usually sense this too, so you are validating something they may already feel. But if pressed, I"ll share my thoughts. A while back I auditioned for a band where a guitar player would not stop (loudly) noodling in between songs and I simply told them that this made me nuts.

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Considering the band community may (or may not) be people that know each other, best to not make something up that might be proven easily false (as in, someone hears about you auditioning somewhere else after you said you needed to spend more time with kids etc). Then again, I think everyone knows all that stuff is 100% an excuse anyway so it doesn't really matter.

 

Speaking of band communities, that has proven far better for us as a band when it comes to finding new players, vs ads on CL....sitting through a multi-musician audition night with strangers from CL is right up there with being tied down next to a fire ant nest. Knowing the bands, and the bands knowing the musicians, really is the way to go, just means making the connections, getting out there to see and meet other bands/players (which I don't have a lot of time to do with job and family).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I turn down band offers frequently. A lot of us do, some of us not because we are so great but because reliable rock keyboardists are 10x harder to find than a guitarist or bassist.

This is exactly what I"ve found. I"ve never turned down a band post-audition, but I"ve declined the opportunity to audition multiple times. Where I live it"s purely a supply/demand issue. If you"re competent and reliable, you"ll get asked, you don"t need to be a virtuoso by any means.

 

I always tell the truth. If the project isn"t my thing, I politely say so without going into huge amounts of detail.

 

I was, however, very pleased when a month ago I was able to help a start-up project out without actually joining them. They approached me, and I told them the band sounded like fun but I was too time poor to commit (100% true). Then I said: 'You should get [this guy], he"d be perfect for your outfit.' Next thing I know, they"re announcing he"s joined the band on their socials. Made me so happy!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell them they suck and they should all eat sh#t and die on their respective birthdays.

Joking, of course.

 

I always tell the truth. If the project isn"t my thing, I politely say so without going into huge amounts of detail.

 

^^^That's the way to go^^^^

Especially the part about not going into detail - the more you stretch out your answers/reasons/excuses, the larger the chance you have to lie or insult someone.

 

"....OK! The real reason is your drummer sux!"

 

Professional musician = great source of poverty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the same boat in that usually by the time the audition happens, you pretty much basically have the gig and it's just making sure everything is going to click - at least that has been my experience with the exception of the very first audition I ever had about 30 years ago. In fact, in a couple cases, the "audition" was just band practice and them telling me just play what I can...felt like I was pretty much already just practicing for the next gig.

 

Based on that experience, I really only turned down one. Keyboard player was moving out of town in a couple months. I show up to audition and learned that the female lead singer wasn't going to be there. Current keyboard player is there, we both have Kronos based rigs, hit it off, and by the end he's practically making plans to share his patches with me and start transitioning. On the red flag list, there were a couple of things like "oh yeah, we do that one a little different" and "oh yeah, we do the live version....it's format is a little different and it's in a different key". But I roll with it and feel like I have the gig if I want it. My only hesitation was just that it didn't pay as much as I was used to.

 

Then I'm waiting to hear something and they say since their lead singer wasn't there, they can't make a decision until she hears me audition. I had heard through mutual friends that the guy who is supposed to be the BL idolizes the lead singer. At that point I backed out and just said I had decided I wasn't interested. I don't think I gave any other reasons and wasn't really pressed too hard about it.

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"it's not my thing"

"it's not a good fit"

etc.

don't go into detail. the more you say, the more they know you're uncomfortable and not saying something like "you guys aren't very good" "the lead guitar is a jerk" or whatever

These are only my opinions, not supported by any actual knowledge, experience, or expertise.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woody Allen has a joke about an aboriginal tribe that says no by nodding their heads and saying "I'll get back to you." Could be true of most musicians.

 

Nothing wrong with saying "let me think about it" if it avoids those awkward minutes while you pack up your gear after saying you're not interested.

Gigging: Crumar Mojo 61, Hammond SKPro

Home: Vintage Vibe 64

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...if it avoids those awkward minutes while you pack up your gear after saying you're not interested.

Oooh, that brought back a few cringe-worthy memories.

 

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

-Mark Twain

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woody Allen has a joke about an aboriginal tribe that says no by nodding their heads and saying "I'll get back to you."
Truer than you'd expect: in West Africa (Ghana at least) it's considered impolite to respond with an honest "no," causing unsubtle Americans great confusion.

To wit: "Can you help me find a box for this hand carved djembe I bought, before my plane leaves?"

"Oh, certainly."

(a day passes.)

"Hey how are we on finding a box?"

"We'll have it for you tomorrow (=Thursday)"

"Good, thanks -- I have to leave Friday."

Friday morning: "Hey, where's the box?"

 

-Tom Williams

{First Name} {at} AirNetworking {dot} com

PC4-7, PX-5S, AX-Edge, PC361

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have the perfect answer:

"Good, but we have another couple of candidates that we're going to hear within the next few days... so let's keep in touch and we'll let you know." Then, of course, you'll have to follow with "nothing wrong with your playing, but we've found someone else who fits just a little better." ;)

 

A few episodes....

 

A lifetime ago, I was searching for the role of guitarist/main soloist in my electric jazz group, Syntaxis. A very young guy came to audition, read all the parts pefectly, then proceeded to solo... in a very competent swing/bop style. Later, I mentioned a few big names of jazz-rock, and he had not listened to any of them, at least in some depth... so the conclusions were obvious: "You play good, but don't know the style." He acknowledged that, and that was it. Apparently, he just heard that I was "looking for a guitarist"... :D

 

I went to audition for what would have been my first tour. It was a musical, with tight arrangements, and quite demanding: Only two live musicians, playing sometimes over pre-recorded orchestrations, sometimes by themselves. The parts were very diverse: Some totally written, some big band-style, some very free, following the singers' phrasing.... the arranger welcomed me at the piano, and just said, "read this". After a while, he stopped me; "now read this" - and so on. After a few minutes, he said, "ok, you're hired". And we spent the rest of the time talking about various musical topics.

 

A couple of years ago, someone asked me to join a Jethro Tull tribute band. For a while, I toyed with the idea, with images of myself playing the "Locomotive Breath" piano intro, or some of the organ parts from "Thick as a Brick"... then I found some of their live videos on YouTube. The group was excellent; but the leader, despite being a good flutist and competent guitarist, was a rather weak singer. A real pity. They should have considered a separate singer, but of course I couldn't say that to them as my first approach.... btw I didn't want to be imbarassed onstage, so I said no. In a sense, I auditioned them in this case.

 

While serving compulsory military service (which has been abolished by now - luckily), I spent the last six months leading a group of excellent musicians, playing in various military locations and events. I could write a book just on that - but one aspect of my job was to select new members quite often, as some were assigned to other duties, etc. So I heard a whole lot of different musicians, especially horn players, some of them mediocre, some of them great. So how did I manage to reject the rejected? I had a cruel method: I had prepared a very difficult part for them to sight-read. When I was sure that a particular candidate wasn't up to it, I used to say something like, "I'm not sure yet... I want to test your sight-reading". The poor guy proceeded to stumble while trying to read the impossible part, then I said, "well, you know... in this band, there are going to be many instances where you will be called to sight-read something like this..."

I know, I know. I was young and cocky.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Curiously, I've never been turned down for a gig, and I've never turned one down. I also don't regret any band I've been in. Some didn't last long, but were great stepping stones to bigger and better things. Just my luck I guess, though.

 

I REALLY hate leaving an active band, though. I've only had to do it twice: once because I had started my own band of the same genre (Celtic dance), and it was becoming a bigger time & creative outlet. Funny thing, they never found a replacement, and because I could do it on the fly, I still gigged with them for a few years off & on later, but never had to go to regular rehearsal, so that worked out. Other time, I had just moved to a new town and was playing in a rock cover band that wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, and got a SWEET gig playing in my massively successful current cover band... and it just started to feel kind of lame playing with my first band. I stuck it out for a while out of respect. But then we played one gig opening for my big band, and the guys were SO disrespectful to my new band (completely rearranged kit and didn't put it back, insisted on setting up a really weird awkward STEREO bass amp and then didn't pack it up), I quit that weekend with no ethical dilemma.

Puck Funk! :)

 

Equipment: Laptop running lots of nerdy software, some keyboards, noise makersâ¦yada yada yadaâ¦maybe a cat?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe in saying I feel I would be 'miscast'. I don"t like saying it"s not my vibe or not a good fit. I find those words ambiguous and not very tactful. I don"t like being told in those words, it sounds like BS. But miscast, like in acting, sounds more reasonable and professional in my mind.

 Find 660 of my jazz piano arrangements of standards for educational purposes and tutorials at www.Patreon.com/HarryLikas Harry was the Technical Editor of Mark Levine's "The Jazz Theory Book" and helped develop "The Jazz Piano Book."

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe in saying I feel I would be 'miscast'. I don"t like saying it"s not my vibe or not a good fit. I find those words ambiguous and not very tactful. I don"t like being told in those words, it sounds like BS. But miscast, like in acting, sounds more reasonable and professional in my mind.
Hmm. I see 'not a good fit' as a relatively benign/less threatening way of communicating status. Sure, it implicitly implies there is an issue, and could open the door for further evaluative dialog/critique...or an expeditious parting of ways. I"ve been playing for 40 years, and could tell you the weaknesses of all three of the bands I"m currently in, and my weaknesses too. If there is a seasoned veteran in the group hopefully you will be able to join with him/her around those issues. If not, and/or insight is lacking, this provides one with an opportunity to further develop skills in the art of delivering bad news while maintaining amicable relations, respect, community, etc.

 

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...