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OT: Lost another musician brother


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I already mentioned this in my Stairway to Heaven thread, but thought that there's a side topic worth discussing: Using our musical influence to affect peoples' lives in a positive way.

 

Background: there's a band I've filled in for from time to time over maybe the last 4-5 years that does primarily classic rock with some new stuff thrown in and does big productions and is fairly successful. For a little while I lost the gig as the newer singer got his friend the gig, but I got it back very recently and played a local gig about a month ago and a 3-day July 4th gig at Lake of the Ozarks just this last weekend. I can't tell you how many people I've met - musicians, fans, etc., through this guy and his band. He was the guitar player and band leader and seemed to know everybody.

 

Now getting to my point. I always liked playing with the band because the musicians were top notch, the crowds were great, the production was top notch, but mostly because I liked Rob and had so much fun not just playing with him but hanging out with him as well. He knew everybody and we always got perks -free dinner for the whole band and production crew at a top notch restaurant, limo rides, boat rides, helicopter rides, whatever, because everybody just wanted to be around him - that's the kind of guy he was. And he had no attitude, no malice, always super nice!

 

So I'm looking at all the stuff coming across my FB timeline as people get the news and it's just UNBELIEVABLE the number of lives he touched in such a positive way - not just as a musician, but as a PERSON. His band is probably what gave him ACCESS to so many people, but it was him as a PERSON that truly affected everybody so deeply.

 

So the point I really wanted to make is that we are in a position to potentially touch a lot of people, and I would encourage everybody to strive to have such a positive impact on every single encounter. RIP my friend Rob Fox!

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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it's REALLY bothering me that nobody has anything to say. Not because of my lost friend, but because it seems that nobody really gives a shit about the mark they leave on this earth. Fine. Guess everyone is just a bunch of shallow bastards.

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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Dan:

I just opened the forum and saw this. My condolences on your loss. As the grief passes, you will remember mostly just how likable Rob was, and what a fine person. Your life (and many others) has been blessed by knowing him, and that (sadly) is something that can't be said about many folks.

 

Howard Grand|Hamm SK1-73|Kurz PC2|PC2X|PC3|PC3X|PC361; QSC K10's

HP DAW|Epi Les Paul & LP 5-str bass|iPad mini2

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Jim

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Dan

 

I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. Rob sounds like the kind of person that we all either do or should strive to be. Please don't get upset about the lack or response, though. This is the first I've been on here since before the redesign, so I just saw the thread.

 

I had a friend that was very similar in the scope of how many lives he touched. His name was Sam Gorman, and my wife Cheryl and I still think of him often. He was the best man at my wedding, and among the best of the friends that I have ever had.

 

Sam was a very talented singer, guitarist, and sax player. He was one of the first musicians that I jammed with when I moved to Florida. He made me feel welcome from the moment I met him. We played in a duo for a while, and probably 1/3 of the night was songs made up on the spot. He would set a drum beat, and we would just wing it, him creating the lyrics and melody on the spot.

 

One day I got a call from a bass player friend, asking if I had Sam's home number, because his cell mailbox was full, and he had been a no-show to a gig, which was very unlike him. A couple days later, I get a call from another close friend, asking if I was sitting down.

 

Sammy had passed away in his sleep from an aneurysm, and had probably been dead for a few days when he was found. I was devastated by the news. The local music scene had lost a great man that day.

 

About a week later, Cheryl and I went over to his house. His brother had come down from Cincinnati to take care of the arrangements. His brother told me that so many people had just come out of the woodwork, acting like vultures, just trying to get a piece of Sam's stuff. I told his brother that there was only one thing I wanted, and I knew that I could never get that, a chance to play with him one last time.

 

Sammy had this big, out of tune upright piano in his living room. I sat at the piano, and his brother picked up Sams beloved Gibson, connected to an amp, and we jammed for a while. I could feel Sam smiling down on us.

 

So I understand about losing a musical brother. Just concentrate on the great music that you had the pleasure of playing with him.

"In the beginning, Adam had the blues, 'cause he was lonesome.

So God helped him and created woman.

 

Now everybody's got the blues."

 

Willie Dixon

 

 

 

 

 

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Man, thats tough. Im so, so sorry. I lost someone close to me to cancer earlier this year, and it was the same thing: music is what connected me to him initially, but it was who he was and how he loved that made him so special, and made the loss so devastating and senseless.

 

My wife lost a lot of important people when she was young and told me something that really stuck with me: that when someone passes away, your memory of them, and the memories of them that you share with others, are how they live on.

 

As musicians, we have the gift of being able to memorialize people through music playing, composing, performing, sharing. But sometimes the most profound ways of keeping our loved ones alive is to follow their example in how to live, large ways and small. These days, when I take extra care to season the food just right, or put on the extra-colorful shirt, or go home a little early from work because it doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things, or let the jam section of a song go on a little longer on the gig... I feel my friends presence. Its no substitute for having him on earth, but it makes the loss feel less complete.

 

My best to you as you go through this difficult time. We all have to support each other. Community is all we got!

Samuel B. Lupowitz

Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado.

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Sorry for your loss. I had to re-read your post a few times to notice someone had passed as I hadn't read the Stairway to Heaven thread.

MainStage; Hammond SK1-73; Roland XP-80, JV-90, JV-1080, JV-1010, AX-1; Korg microSAMPLER;

Boss DR-880; Beat Buddy; Neo Instruments Ventilator; TC Electronic ND-1 Nova Delay

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Dan, I don't know what happened but something weird is going on. I check the forum a few times a day and did not see this thread at all until just now. Don't take it personally, there might be a glitch somewhere.

 

Also, I offered my condolences in your Stairway thread shortly after I saw your post about it on FB. Still, my condolences go to you as well as his friends and loved ones. Sorry, bud.

 

Edited to add: I see you saw that post I made. I never saw that reply until I went and looked for it.

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

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Dan, I don't know what happened but something weird is going on. I check the forum a few times a day and did not see this thread at all until just now. Don't take it personally, there might be a glitch somewhere.
I had the same experience -- checked the forum several times yesterday, didn't see this thread until this morning.

 

Samuel B. Lupowitz

Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado.

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Yeah, this thread just showed up as new for me just now.

 

Very sorry for your loss! And yes, any sort of entertainer should look at forming personal connections as part of their mission. And I don't mean for business purposes. You only have the blink of an eye in this world, and if you share my belief system, you are then repurposed, so leaving a positive impact gives meaning, and the easiest way to do that if to express empathy.

 

In fact, everyone should do this, but if you are in the business of capturing people's attention, you should use your power productively.

"For instance" is not proof.

 

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I lost a musical brother a couple of years ago. He was a guitar player, absolute BLAST to jam with this guy. He always gave it 100%, Big Deep Purple fan, Strat+Marshall guy. He played on a couple of my recordings and I just started playing with his band. We had some really good gigs, you never knew what the guy was gonna do on stage, so much energy.

 

He called me once and said thought he should quit smoking, said he'd been feeling bad for 43 years old. I encouraged him as much as I could. That was the last time I talked to him, he died in his sleep about 2 weeks later, 2 days before we'd scheduled a jam. It was the end of his band.

 

I went to the service where a jam was set up, brought my Electro. I knew he would want us to jam and we did, but my heart just wasn't in it. Rest in peace brother Tom!

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Two months ago a bass player friend I had gigged with back in the 90's committed suicide. We had recently gotten together with the rest of the old band to coordinate a reunion this fall. His death was a great shock and a great loss. It left us all stunned.

 

I share your pain.

 

~ vonnor

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Hardware: Nord Stage3, Korg Kronos 2, Novation Summit

Software: Cantabile 3, Halion Sonic 3 and assorted VST plug-ins.

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Dan - if you're still here - my condolences for your loss. I can relate to musos who create a positive vibe and touch people's lives for the better. The singer/guitarist/bandleader I'm with at the moment is not a super-talented musician, but he has a sense of humour and an infectious personality. He attracts talented musician because his band is simply such fun. He's some 20y older then me, I'll miss him when he's gone.

 

At the other end of the scale - a girl singer I worked with was murdered by her boyfriend a few years after she left the band I was in. That messed me up for a few months. Sad epilogue - she had two daughters by two different men (neither of whom were the murderer), so after her death, they were split up to live with their dads.

 

Regards, Mike.

 

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I never opened the Stairway to Heaven thread. Cant stand that song, Cant stand Led Zeppelin. Not everybody reads all the threads.

The fact there's a Highway To Hell and only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers

 

People only say "It's a free country" when they're doing something shitty-Demetri Martin

 

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it's REALLY bothering me that nobody has anything to say. Not because of my lost friend, but because it seems that nobody really gives a shit about the mark they leave on this earth. Fine. Guess everyone is just a bunch of shallow bastards.

All too many people ARE; just watch the news, or better yet, DON'T! :pop: I'm closer to being below the dirt than above it, so matters of mortality aren't lost on me. I can relate to your friend, because I've had some amazing ones. Some reached the golden realm due to helping me acquire gear at a few key moments. Its near the anniversary of my loss of a friend who died badly of cancer. It was hard to bolster him up at times. His wife called once and said "I'm at my sister's wedding reception in Texas and he's at home alone. Would you call him? He's kind of low today and he always feels better after you call." I leapt on that like Taz on a canned ham and we had a great talk. He had no appreciable musical ability at all, yet he had a hefty rig full of E-mu modules, Wavestation EX, Nord Modular G2 (!), Yamaha TG33, etc. It was a bloody project studio in which any of us would take pride. He just happened to love synths and loved das blinkenlighten, period. He was always appreciative of my music; he enjoyed it for its own sake, yet also made useful critiques I could apply practically. So yeah, I understand the hole some people leave when THEY go and so many stinging flatworms on legs persist. On my wall, I keep a birthday card he once sent. It says "Rock stars your age" and features a greying old Keith-Richards-y mutant telling a doctor "I don't need to rock and roll all night, but I would like to potty every day." :laugh: A grateful tip of the hat to anyone, to everyone, who rings that kind of bell. :thu:

 "I want to be an intellectual, but I don't have the brainpower.
  The absent-mindedness, I've got that licked."
        ~ John Cleese

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In these kinds of situations I try not to focus on what's been lost, but on what we gained because a person existed. My takeaway from the OP isn't really about someone dying, we all do that...it's about what someone did with their life.

 

We don't have a choice about whether to die or not, but we do have a choice about what to do with our life.

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So the point I really wanted to make is that we are in a position to potentially touch a lot of people, and I would encourage everybody to strive to have such a positive impact on every single encounter. RIP my friend Rob Fox!

 

This is a very important message. It is definitely true for all musicians. But it is bigger than that. Everyone touches a lot of people. I think most of us have had the experience of having a bit of a bad day, and having some short encounter that we later found out lifted another persons whole week through a few short comments. That speaks to the power that we all have to bring life, energy, and peace to those around us. It is a good reminder. Stages only amplify this capability, but we all have it, stage or no stage.

 

Your words about your friend are ones we can all aspire to be said about us when it is our turn to pass.

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In these kinds of situations I try not to focus on what's been lost, but on what we gained because a person existed. My takeaway from the OP isn't really about someone dying, we all do that...it's about what someone did with their life.

 

We don't have a choice about whether to die or not, but we do have a choice about what to do with our life.

 

 

I worked for a big church for a few years in media and ran sound for a number of memorials. I liked that we didn't call them funerals they were "Celebration of Life for . That alone helped people be more upbeat eulogizing the person who transitioned. Then what would catch some non-church members off guard is we always ended memorials by asked everyone to stand and give a standing ovation to celebrate the life of the person. People always liked that once it started.

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I made a bad post that was removed but has been quoted. I was really hurting, and honestly drunk at the time. I thank you for the warm sentiments and thank the mods for deleting my ill willed post when I was drunk and hurting the day of the loss.

 

Just attended the tribute show - first show of the band without him. Many big local bands actually cancelled their shows to be there and some of the biggest guitar players in st. louis filled his shoes. It was incredible. It just so happened that his body also arrived today at the airport. This body got an escort from the airport to the funeral home that shut down the highway with bikers and a helicopter. Somebody also rode Rob's Harley in the procession.

 

He just touched so many people and I feel so fortunate to have been a part of it all.

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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I made a bad post that was removed but has been quoted. I was really hurting, and honestly drunk at the time.

First, condolences regarding your friend, you were close to him and I can see it hit you hard. But I was also concerned about you, based on the way you were reacting. Hopefully your head is in a better place (if not, please consider getting help!), and as a diabetic please be careful with the EtOH.

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