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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2996706 06/30/19 01:36 PM
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slowtraveler Offline
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Not to be alarmist, but if I understand correctly (I'm not a health care professional), the behavior you have described can sometimes be a sign of frontotemporal dementia. Unfortunately, people with this condition are very often unaware that there is anything wrong with them. I think it might be good to suspend judgment about your friend's frequent expressions of inappropriate humor until you have had a chance to spend some time with him, to see if anything else about his behavior seems worrisome. Perhaps you might check in with his family members or other friends, to see if they have noticed anything amiss?

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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2996713 06/30/19 02:06 PM
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A couple of considerations about friends' behavior, as I grow older...

1) I have a small group of (mostly) older friends; among them, there used to be two women, who I have known since our early twenties. Well, since I have been through somewhat difficult times in the last years, most of my friends have supported me in various ways; but the two women have simply progressively turned away from me, finally breaking all bonds. This was unexpected; both used to be close friends, but in this occasion, both have shown rather clearly that they didn't want to know about my life's troubles. It happened separately, and with different times.
I don't think I have been too pressing in asking for friends' support; I simply related what was happening from time to time. The other friends, busy as they were, tried to make me feel sure that they were there - which helped immensely - and several of them have offered practical support in various ways, for which I will always be immensely grateful.
But these two persons reacted a bit like I was attacking them. It was painful, to be honest; they both were among my historical friends, the only female friends in this rather close circle. (I have other female friends, but not at the same level of trust and closeness).
I don't want to stress the fact that they both are female... it just happened that way. But I miss the fact that I don't have any women as close friends anymore. Sometimes, it's a privilege to have someone of the opposite sex to discuss things with.

2) I love conversations and the exchange of ideas. However, I have noticed that during the last 10 or 15 years, several of my friends and other people I known, have become progressively more logorroic and aggressive, interrupting others' statements regularly - but refusing to be interrupted themselves - and treating a conversation as a fight in which they have to prevail at all costs.
I am quite tolerant about it (I have been married a couple of times, after all), because I see it as a sign of stress and confusion - but it makes spending an evening together, for example, *much* less pleasant.

End of rant.

Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2996733 06/30/19 04:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Synthoid
Just today we were talking about TV trivia. I texted a question about Star Trek and he guessed correctly. When I responded "We have a winner," he replied, "I'm not whining." A similar thing happened a few days ago. After I texted that I had been busy that morning running errands, he asked something about "running with Erin who?" It's just silly and dumb.



Maybe he is not reading these messages but listens to them via some reading device? If this device would pronounce some words incorrectly, leading to some confusion that would not have happened if he would have read these messages himself?

Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2996738 06/30/19 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Synthoid


Just today we were talking about TV trivia. I texted a question about Star Trek and he guessed correctly. When I responded "We have a winner," he replied, "I'm not whining." A similar thing happened a few days ago. After I texted that I had been busy that morning running errands, he asked something about "running with Erin who?" It's just silly and dumb.

I don't know anyone else that acts this way.


Sounds like 'dad humor' to me. So called 'cause 'dad' wants to be lighthearted and fun, but attempts at humor skew towards the lame side, which is funny unto itself. I partake of this kind of humor with a few particular friends, and both of us enjoy it, a form of silliness and levity, and I don't mind being called out for doing 'dad' jokes. If someone was not enjoying it I wouldn't do it, sounds like your friend is not tuned in and you really don't like that kind of humor, esp if it's at the expense of a meaningful conversation.


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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Gretel] #2996762 06/30/19 09:02 PM
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Synthoid Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Gretel
Maybe he is not reading these messages but listens to them via some reading device? If this device would pronounce some words incorrectly, leading to some confusion that would not have happened if he would have read these messages himself?


No, I asked.

Originally Posted by slowtraveler
Not to be alarmist, but if I understand correctly (I'm not a health care professional), the behavior you have described can sometimes be a sign of frontotemporal dementia. Unfortunately, people with this condition are very often unaware that there is anything wrong with them. I think it might be good to suspend judgment about your friend's frequent expressions of inappropriate humor until you have had a chance to spend some time with him, to see if anything else about his behavior seems worrisome. Perhaps you might check in with his family members or other friends, to see if they have noticed anything amiss?



That's my next assignment.

I recently was told he had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever awhile ago. Not sure if that's the culprit. idk



When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2996763 06/30/19 09:14 PM
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I'm someone who occasionally gets "ON", with jokes, puns and non-sequiturs. I'm also someone who has been hassling with bi-polar depression for a few decades. I found that, at those times when I was particularly depressed, I would become the life of the party (well, maybe not everyone's opinion). In my case, thanks to lots of therapy, some drugs and a wife who calls me out when I go off the rails, I'm mostly OK. Your friend could probably use some professional help.

Last edited by NoLights; 06/30/19 10:58 PM.

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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: NoLights] #2997691 07/08/19 07:27 PM
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Originally Posted by NoLights
I'm someone who occasionally gets "ON", with jokes, puns and non-sequiturs. I'm also someone who has been hassling with bi-polar depression for a few decades. I found that, at those times when I was particularly depressed, I would become the life of the party (well, maybe not everyone's opinion). In my case, thanks to lots of therapy, some drugs and a wife who calls me out when I go off the rails, I'm mostly OK. Your friend could probably use some professional help.


I read the OP, and immediately thought that this sounds a lot like a friend of mine who is extremely bi-polar. He does that all the time, and has difficulty staying on topic, constantly interjecting jokes, often rather infantile jokes (i.e., dirty sock jokes, dirty underwear jokes, or things that 3rd graders might do). He takes lithium, and while that appears to help with his overall mood, it doesn't seem to help with these interjections, non sequiturs, and bizarre jokes.

Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: KenElevenShadows] #2997735 07/08/19 11:07 PM
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Originally Posted by KenElevenShadows
I read the OP, and immediately thought that this sounds a lot like a friend of mine who is extremely bi-polar.


Something else to check out I guess.

The plot thickens


When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997783 07/09/19 01:15 PM
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Iíve got a front man in one band that is compelled to drop a lame pun-inspired ďjokeĒ practically every time he speaks. Whatís bad is He drops one almost between every song on stage and itís really bad and really lame. Iíve talked to him, asked, complained, cajoled and encouraged him to not tell jokes on stage. Iíve threatened to quit. I still might. He canít not do it, if he tries it lasts 4 songs at best.

Its the frog and the scorpion, he just is what he is. I donít know if heís always been like that as Iíve only known him 3years. But thereís a tone deafness in his brain. The rest of band all agrees with me but they are pussies and afraid to ever speak up, so its just me.


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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: MotiDave] #2997784 07/09/19 01:42 PM
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For what it's worth, after 3 years you are no doubt hyper-aware of how lame his behavior is. With the exception of regular band followers, your half in the bag audience probably doesn't even notice.


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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Wastrel] #2997809 07/09/19 04:39 PM
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Also, the New Yorker in me kind of wonders if OP's friend now does it just because he knows it drives OP crazy...


"
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997831 07/09/19 06:20 PM
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Like Ken, I identify that behavior as something compulsive, either triggered by anxiety, insecurity, or something medical. I have a friend whose husband went on a medication for a grave illness that made him lose all boundaries. This is a pastor's husband that started openly hitting on women at church, saying incredibly obscene things to friends and strangers while perfectly lucid about everything else, etc. Maybe something has happened to your friend that makes it physically impossible for him to understand the context of the conversation. Or, to a milder degree, you may be right and he may just be stressed beyond belief.


"For instance" is not proof.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997870 07/09/19 08:18 PM
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I had a brief "text chat" with my friend this morning. He's going to be out of town for about a week and said "he had to take care of the bills and other things" before departing.

I asked why his wife couldn't handle that... after all, it's a short absence. He gave me the impression she can't. I'm wondering if he has become overly controlling. I haven't spoken with his wife in a few years but she always came across as someone who could manage things like paying bills and running the house.

This is yet another red flag. I'm becoming even more concerned. frown



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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997887 07/09/19 09:23 PM
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Do you have his home number? At the risk of possibly ruining a friendship, could you call his wife while he's out and then feign forgetfulness about his absence, and then start a conversation to just dip a toe into it?


"For instance" is not proof.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: zeronyne] #2997891 07/09/19 09:39 PM
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Synthoid Offline OP
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Originally Posted by zeronyne
Do you have his home number?


It's been years since I called their landline. Not sure if I still have that number.


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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997913 07/09/19 11:12 PM
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I still see no real signs of anything other than an annoying personality trait being exibited by someone whoís socially awkward in conversation. He doesnít have confidence in offering intelligent discourse, so he falls back on humor, even when itís childish and inappropriate. These traits often worsen over time, especially in the absence of positive reinforcement on the occasion when normal discourse does occur. And yes, it could be a sign of deeper issues, but that seems like stretching without more to go on. Yeah, itís annoying when constant.


I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997920 07/10/19 12:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Synthoid
I had a brief "text chat" with my friend this morning. He's going to be out of town for about a week and said "he had to take care of the bills and other things" before departing.

I asked why his wife couldn't handle that... after all, it's a short absence. He gave me the impression she can't. I'm wondering if he has become overly controlling. I haven't spoken with his wife in a few years but she always came across as someone who could manage things like paying bills and running the house.

This is yet another red flag. I'm becoming even more concerned. frown



Just wondering if this is stemming from a problem at home. Perhaps his wife is ill or there is something stressing the family that isn't about him at all.

The idea of calling his wife is a sound one, because his behaviour is the red flag, and a conversation with her could be the key no matter what it turns out to be.


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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997926 07/10/19 01:08 AM
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Be direct, call him and not his wife. You may embarrass him by not going directly to the source.

Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: Synthoid] #2997952 07/10/19 03:23 AM
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I see no point in calling his wife. Calling spouse/family is appropriate when there are health/safety concerns.


I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: George88] #2997987 07/10/19 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by George88
Be direct, call him and not his wife. You may embarrass him by not going directly to the source.


I'm not going to call his wife. I'll wait until my friend returns from his trip and talk to him then.


When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray.
Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: stillearning] #2998148 07/11/19 12:14 PM
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Originally Posted by stillearning
I still see no real signs of anything other than an annoying personality trait being exibited by someone whoís socially awkward in conversation. He doesnít have confidence in offering intelligent discourse, so he falls back on humor, even when itís childish and inappropriate. These traits often worsen over time, especially in the absence of positive reinforcement on the occasion when normal discourse does occur. And yes, it could be a sign of deeper issues, but that seems like stretching without more to go on. Yeah, itís annoying when constant.

+1 I have a childhood close friend who has "degenerated" into similar conversational behaviour as noted by the OP. Life has not worked out for bim the way he might have hoped. Regretably I see much less of him than I would like to. For different reasons I have lost contact with many of my previously close friends once they retire, they have turned from forward thinking folks to grumpy old men within 18 months of retirement. As someone who aspires to remain relevant and never retire I am relishing the opportunity to work with those under 40 and who are forward looking. But it its tough getting your head around the idea of being unable to remain connected to those whom you have had long term relationships with and shared lifes ups and downs. I figured I would have an ever expanding range of friends until we shuffle off this mortal coil but that is not the way it is turning out.


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Re: Way OT: Friend's Unusual Behavior [Re: NoLights] #2998321 07/12/19 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by NoLights
I'm mostly OK.


If it's any consolation the part I met a number of years ago was more than OK!
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