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#2863724 - 06/29/17 02:30 PM What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke?
BigMoney Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/17
Posts: 26
I posted this on r/guitar earlier today and people seemed to take a liking to it.

Let's hear em!
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The 3 elements of Western music are: melody, harmony, and rhythm.
When I play fingerstyle guitar, I play them all simultaneously.

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#2863790 - 06/30/17 06:56 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: BigMoney]
Delta Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 226
Loc: Ormond Beach, FL
You make one mistake- it's rock an roll.
You make two mistakes- it's jazz.
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"Let me stand next to your fire!", Jimi Hendrix

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#2863798 - 06/30/17 08:21 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Delta]
p90jr Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 2840
Originally Posted By: Delta
You make one mistake- it's rock an roll.
You make two mistakes- it's jazz.



ha!

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#2863802 - 06/30/17 08:29 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Delta]
whitefang Online   content
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Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
Originally Posted By: Delta
You make one mistake- it's rock an roll.
You make two mistakes- it's jazz.


grin

But I thought it was jazz when you had the sheet music UPSIDE DOWN on the stand. smirk
Whitefang
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I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2863824 - 06/30/17 11:15 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: whitefang]
d Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 03/20/01
Posts: 5926
Loc: no longer lexington, Kenfunky,...
3 wordz (spelling intentional):
Sha Na Na
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d=halfnote

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#2863859 - 06/30/17 04:18 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: d]
Larryz Offline
10k Club

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 10005
Loc: Northern California
What's the fastest way to get to Carnegie Hall? Cabbies Answer: Practice, Practice, Practice... cool
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Take care, Larryz

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#2863888 - 07/01/17 04:04 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Larryz]
whitefang Online   content
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Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
One of comedian JACK BENNY's "hooks" was of being a terrible violinist, although it was said he played fairly well, but not great.

He and fellow comedian FRED ALLEN often exchanged barbs at one another. A favorite of mine from Allen:

"Benny plays the fiddle like the STRINGS were still in the CAT!" grin
Whitefang
_________________________
I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2863900 - 07/01/17 05:27 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: whitefang]
Paul Scott Rock Offline
Member

Registered: 05/06/17
Posts: 21
Loc: Ohio
How do you tell if the stage is level? The guitar player is drooling from both sides of his mouth.
What do you call a person who hangs around with musicians ?
A drummer .

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#2863946 - 07/01/17 09:29 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Paul Scott Rock]
hurricane hugo Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 10/01/08
Posts: 2641
Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

A: Homeless!
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#2863952 - 07/01/17 09:55 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: hurricane hugo]
Larryz Offline
10k Club

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 10005
Loc: Northern California
Q: How do you know when a guitar player is well off?

A: His wife has two jobs! cool
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Take care, Larryz

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#2863975 - 07/01/17 04:54 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Larryz]
desertbluesman Offline
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Registered: 05/22/07
Posts: 4349
Loc: Near Phoenix Az
What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with a terrorist
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If it sounds good, it is good !!
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=143231&content=music
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#2863994 - 07/02/17 03:06 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Larryz]
whitefang Online   content
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
How can you tell if a guitarist had a lot of formal training?

YOU don't HAVE to. HE'LL tell you. At EVERY opportunity!
Whitefang
_________________________
I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2864078 - 07/02/17 02:32 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: whitefang]
Bartholomew Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 02/29/04
Posts: 495
Loc: Montreal
What does a classical violinist use for birth control ???

Ans: His personality
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Been round the block but am not over the hill...

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#2864237 - 07/03/17 01:53 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Bartholomew]
Winston Psmith Offline
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Registered: 02/15/10
Posts: 3144
Loc: Inside the Beltway
Old joke from the D.C. HarDCore scene:

Q: How many Punks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100; 1 to change the bulb, 99 to get in on the Guest List.
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"Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

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#2864254 - 07/03/17 03:49 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Winston Psmith]
d Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 03/20/01
Posts: 5926
Loc: no longer lexington, Kenfunky,...
Ok.
Another classical joke.
Viola players are generally treated as the bottom rung of the orchestral world.

A symphony temporarily lost their conductor b/c of illness.
One of the violists was drafted to fill in since he was deemed unneeded.
Surprisingly things went smashingly during his tenure filling in & when the conductor came back & the violist, aglow w/ his achievement, returned to his position expecting accolades the player in the next seat looked up & asked, "Well, where've you been ?!"

As for me & my brethren here...


But Wait !
There's MORE !!

A sunburst Stratocaster walks into a bar, orders a beer and takes a stool next to a hot-looking Les Paul Goldtop, who's sipping an umbrella drink. The Strat leers at the Les Paul for several minutes and then says, "Hey, that's some set of humbuckers you got on you, darlin'."

Unimpressed, the Goldtop says, "What kind of cheap pickup line is that?"

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d=halfnote

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#2864257 - 07/03/17 04:02 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: d]
Dannyalcatraz Offline
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Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5163
Loc: Dallas/FW Metroplex, Texas
Mine?

The view in the mirror!
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Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: “Ninety percent of everything is crap”.

My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx

http://murphysmusictx.com/

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#2864744 - 07/06/17 05:13 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Dannyalcatraz]
whitefang Online   content
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
Originally Posted By: Dannyalcatraz
Mine?

The view in the mirror!


OK....

But for ME, it's when people tell me how much BETTER I would sound if I'd just TUNE my guitar! wink But the joke is on them....

It's ALREADY in tune! crazy grin
Whitefang
_________________________
I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2864749 - 07/06/17 05:33 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: whitefang]
Scott Fraser Offline
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Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 4968
Loc: Los Angeles
Originally Posted By: whitefang
But for ME, it's when people tell me how much BETTER I would sound if I'd just TUNE my guitar! wink But the joke is on them....
It's ALREADY in tune! crazy grin
Whitefang


Well, all my guitars have been expertly tuned by professionals before they leave the factory, so I figure I shouldn't be mucking around with any of that stuff.
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Scott Fraser

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#2864845 - 07/06/17 05:24 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Scott Fraser]
KHAN Offline
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Registered: 05/08/00
Posts: 4062
Loc: Ceti-Alpha 5
So many drummers...

...so little time.
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So Many Drummers. So Little Time...

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#2864952 - 07/07/17 04:34 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: KHAN]
whitefang Online   content
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
What's the difference between a drummer and a guitar player?

You can UNPLUG a guitar player!
Whitefang
_________________________
I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2865098 - 07/07/17 10:28 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: KHAN]
d Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 03/20/01
Posts: 5926
Loc: no longer lexington, Kenfunky,...
Originally Posted By: KHAN
So many drummers...

...so little time.


YEAH, KAHN !

Talk more often !
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d=halfnote

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#2865106 - 07/07/17 10:37 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: d]
yadayada Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 07/04/17
Posts: 48
What do you call most of a guitar players classes at college?

Remedial

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#2867095 - 07/15/17 02:31 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: yadayada]
p90jr Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 2840
How can you tell when a drummer is knocking on the door? The timing of the knocking varies.

How can you tell when a bassist is knocking at the door? The rest of the band knocked a beat earlier.

How can you tell when a singer is knocking at the door? They aren't sure when to come in.

How can you tell when a guitarist is knocking on the door? The load in was thirty minutes ago.

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#2867098 - 07/15/17 02:49 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: p90jr]
Larryz Offline
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Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 10005
Loc: Northern California


Edited by Larryz (07/15/17 02:53 PM)
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Take care, Larryz

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#2867109 - 07/15/17 04:16 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Larryz]
picker Offline
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Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 13353
Loc: Near 12th Street and Vine...
Q: What do you do for 500 lead guitarists in a hole in the ground, up to their necks in cow manure?

A: FInd more cow manure.
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Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.




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#2867201 - 07/16/17 04:33 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: picker]
whitefang Online   content
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
Why do many musicians never go out for breakfast?

Because most diners stop serving breakfast before noon.

Whitefang
_________________________
I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2869673 - 07/28/17 12:48 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: whitefang]
Paul Scott Rock Offline
Member

Registered: 05/06/17
Posts: 21
Loc: Ohio
Frank Sinatra's plane had to land in the desert outside Las Vegas one winter day and they had to walk a mile through a suburb to a pay phone . They were walking past a nice little house where a family was sitting around their tv . And as they looked into the window at the family , one musician shook his head and said , " how to people live that way ?.

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#2869691 - 07/28/17 02:34 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: Paul Scott Rock]
J. Dan Offline
Bannination Free Since '08
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Registered: 07/25/08
Posts: 11061
Loc: St. Louis, MO
C, E flat and G walk into a bar and the bartender says: “Sorry we don’t serve minors”, so E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
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Dan

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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#2869744 - 07/29/17 05:08 AM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: J. Dan]
whitefang Online   content
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 9644
Loc: Lincoln Park, MI, UNITED STATE...
I REMEMBER that incident!

Wasn't that the one where when they tried to put C in his cell, the jailer was a BASS PLAYER and he couldn't find the right KEY?
Whitefang
_________________________
I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!

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#2869913 - 07/30/17 07:52 PM Re: What's Your Best Musician/Guitarist Joke? [Re: whitefang]
picker Offline
10k Club

Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 13353
Loc: Near 12th Street and Vine...
How do get a guitarist to turn down?

Put sheet music in front of him.
_________________________
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.




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