Well just my take-the words fit well within the song. There are a few rushed parts to fit the rhythm but mostly it sounds well phrased.
On the other hand it sounds kind of chatty and cliched-many many writers start out this way. Keep writing and you will find YOUR voice, not phrases from somewhere else. Of course using set phrases is perfectly okay as a kind of diving board. But you are the pool, the listener wants to hear something new. Anyway good luck.