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Q: Whats the definition of Endless Love?

 

 

 

A: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.............

 

Jake

1967 B-3 w/(2) 122's, Nord C1w/Leslie 2101 top, Nord PedalKeys 27, Nord Electro 4D, IK B3X, QSC K12.2, Yamaha reface YC+CS+CP

 

"It needs a Hammond"

 

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  • 2 weeks later...


(

 

Music : A profession where amateurs make millions and professionals starve.

 

Somehow the Pagliacci in my soul, did not appreciate this joke ( ;) ) ,. howEVER

A man goes to see his Dr, says he's depressed, life seems harsh and meaningless ( he later admitted to watching way too much Larry David and Seinfeld episodes ) , a cruel world indeed. Doc says treatment is simple.. a great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight, go see him. That should pick you up. Man bursts into tears ( possibly from vague memories of hearing, unarmed, Andrew Lloyd Webber music ) and says, but Doc, I AM Pagliacci.

Thunderous laughter

Take my wife. Doc it hurts when I do that ( raising his arms akimbo ) Doc says, Don't do that.

 

You don't have ideas, ideas have you

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are. "One mans food is another mans poison". I defend your right to speak hate. Tolerance to a point, not agreement

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Borsht belt comic seen on Sullivan show ( that's ED Sullivan, the famed 1950's martial artist who heralded in the Beattle's and Bluce Wee ) Jackie Leonard turning to band saying Dis band outghta disband!

You don't have ideas, ideas have you

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are. "One mans food is another mans poison". I defend your right to speak hate. Tolerance to a point, not agreement

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(

 

Music : A profession where amateurs make millions and professionals starve.

 

Somehow the Pagliacci in my soul, did not appreciate this joke

An absurd little joke with some half truth in it. Apologies to the Pagliacci in your soul. :)

 

Now for an oldie: What do you say to a banjo player in a 3 piece suit?

 

"Will the defendant please rise."

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
  • 1 year later...

I recently returned from holiday. I wanted to sue an airline after they damaged my luggage so I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer.

His advice: you don't have much of a case...

"Turn your fingers into a dust rag and keep them keys clean!" ;) Bluzeyone
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How many violent psychopaths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

No one knows. They kill all the witnesses and secretly bury them and deny ever changing a light bulb.

---

(I stole this one from the internet)

You should give it back.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

-Mark Twain

 

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  • 5 months later...

Funny (pun intended), but after having someone comment about a similarity between my show and the old "Goons" radio show, I have been studying up on Spike Milligan.

 

I posted this one on Facebook.

 

"Wonder why we do not hear about the Irish space program?"

 

[video:youtube]

 

:roll:

 

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My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

 

You don't have ideas, ideas have you

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are. "One mans food is another mans poison". I defend your right to speak hate. Tolerance to a point, not agreement

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Man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

 

The doctor says "You need to see a psychiatrist"

 

The man replies "I know, but your light was on..."

 

Cheers, Mike.

Oh come on, put some effort into it, like Norm here...

 

[video:youtube]

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

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I think we need to consider the legal implications of a thread like this:

 

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.

 

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

 

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

 

A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

 

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

 

A.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

 

B.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

 

C.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

 

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

 

 

A4: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

 

"Turn your fingers into a dust rag and keep them keys clean!" ;) Bluzeyone
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