ITGITC Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Piano for hip hop and rap. Too funny. ITGITC? Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 [video:youtube]_GxC4kKD9qA Flahback! Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmp Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 My Mac likes to eat my homework too. Quote --wmp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theo Verelst Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 You know how many Kurzweil/Young Chang employees it takes to screw in a lightbulb ?? Way too many! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyRubberDuck Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 [video:youtube] Thanks, Linwood, that made my day! DRD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 The Kenny G Michael Bolton thing - I'm still amazed that music has the power to reduce me to tears. I was crying from around 2:09. That little look Bolton gives him. Yeah and Kenny G is introduced as the "greatest sax player in the world". Just when things couldn't get any worse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Link Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 A guy walks into the corner bar and the bartender says, "Joe, strange seeing you in here on a Saturday night." "Well," Joe says "you know that '50 Shades of Grey' book? My wife has been reading it and after dinner she gets out these handcuffs and asks me to use them and cuff her hands and feet to the bed." "Oh yeah, and then what happened?" "She says, 'You realize you can do ANYTHING you want now, don't you?'" He takes a sip of his beer. "So here I am." Quote aka âmisterdregsâ Nord Electro 5D 73 Yamaha P105 Kurzweil PC3LE7 Motion Sound KP200S Schimmel 6-10LE QSC CP-12 Westone AM Pro 30 IEMs Rolls PM55P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan_evett Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 A guy walks into the corner bar and the bartender says, "Joe, strange seeing you in here on a Saturday night." "Well," Joe says "you know that '50 Shades of Grey' book? My wife has been reading it and after dinner she gets out these handcuffs and asks me to use them and cuff her hands and feet to the bed." "Oh yeah, and then what happened?" "She says, 'You realize you can do ANYTHING you want now, don't you?'" He takes a sip of his beer. "So here I am." Nice.... A horse walks into a bar, and proceeds to order a beer. The bartender looks at him for a moment, then turns and pulls a draft beer. As he sets the beer down, he says: "So buddy, why the long face ?" Quote 'Someday, we'll look back on these days and laugh; likely a maniacal laugh from our padded cells, but a laugh nonetheless' - Mr. Boffo. We need a barfing cat emoticon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksoper Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Nice.... A horse walks into a bar, and proceeds to order a beer. The bartender looks at him for a moment, then turns and pulls a draft beer. As he sets the beer down, he says: "So buddy, why the long face ?" That was one of the string of jokes I used for a mike check, much to the dismay of my bandmates. Here are the others: A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll you have?" Giraffe says, "How 'bout a long neck?" A nail walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll you have?" Nail says, "Tequila, and keep 'em coming. Tonight I'm getting hammered." Baby harp seal walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll you have?" Baby harp seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." Stop me if you've heard these before... Quote 9 Moog things, 3 Roland things, 2 Hammond things and a computer with stuff on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rusty Mike Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 A hamburger walks into a bar and says: "Bartender, give me a beer!" The bartender say: "Sorry, we don't serve food here." Quote . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksoper Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Kangaroo walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll have?" Kangaroo says, "How 'bout a strawberry daiquiri?" Bartender says, "That'll be $12.50. Say, we don't get many talking kangaroos around here. " Kangaroo says, "And at these prices you won't get many more." Quote 9 Moog things, 3 Roland things, 2 Hammond things and a computer with stuff on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe P Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 A giraffe walks into a bar and says "Hey, the high balls are on me!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 OK, MrDreggs... see what you've done? They're all coming out of the woodwork now. Next thing you know, everyone is going to repeat all the organ jokes they've ever heard... Plus that one about the genie, last wish, and miniature pianist. Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksoper Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 A guy goes to prison. On his first night he hears a guy yelling out a number. "36!" And then howls of laughter echo around the walls. "103!" And more hysterical laughter. The guy says to his lifer cellmate, "What's with the numbers and the laughter?" The cellmate replies, "Well, we've told the same jokes for so long that we only have to tell the punchline, and now the punchlines are numbered for easy telling. Why don't you try one?" So the new fish yells out, "67!" Nothing. Crickets. He asks the roomie, "What happened?" Roomie says, "You didn't tell it right." Quote 9 Moog things, 3 Roland things, 2 Hammond things and a computer with stuff on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threadslayer Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 That was one of the string of jokes I used for a mike check, much to the dismay of my bandmates. Damn It! After all the years I spent doing inane mike checks, it never occured to me to do a little Catskills schtick. Perfect idea. I used to recite "Jabberwocky" - what a dork! Quote Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. -Mark Twain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksoper Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 A young suitor visits his girlfriend's house for the first time. The father meets him at the door and after sizing him up, allows him in to the living room. "Please, have a seat. I'm sure Betty Sue will be down shortly." At this point the family dog, a large German Shepherd lays down at the boy's feet. That's got to be a good omen, the boy thought. The boy and her father exchange pleasantries but the boy realizes that he's got to cut a seriously nasty fart. He's able to do the one-cheek-sneak into the upholstery.The father catches a whiff of this, looks down at the dog and yells, "Duke!" The boy is overjoyed. Not only has he gotten away with it but the family dog is catching the heat for it. So he figured he may as well clear himself out. He cuts another seriously funky fart. "DUKE! yells the dad. The boy is positive he's in the clear, but he'd like to really clear himself out before the big date, so he pushes out one really, nasty, hair-curling, milk-curdling, air biscuit. "DUKE!!" the father says, "Would you move before that guy shits on you?" Quote 9 Moog things, 3 Roland things, 2 Hammond things and a computer with stuff on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpl1228 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 an oldie but a goodie.....Deep Purple's keyboardist Jon Lord dies. He looks around and he's in a room with white walls, a single door, and microphones and instruments. Jon Entwistle walks in. He straps on his bass, plugs it into his Ampeg, and starts running up and down the scales, warming up, but with a sad look. Jon Lord is amazed. He then looks over at the door and Otis Redding walks in, plugs in his Shure SM-58 and waves at John, but for some reason he looks miserable. Stevie Ray Vaughn, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, they all open the white door and walk in, to Jon Lord's amazement, but all look sad and lost. Jon then spots a Hammond B-3 and Leslie, sits down at it, and says "Wow! There really IS a rock and roll heaven and this is a helluva band!" But next to him, Jimi Hendrix shakes his head and says...'HEAVEN'? what do you mean...'HEAVEN?'" Just then, Karen Carpenter walks in the door, sits down at the drums and says " OK, everyone, one more time, "Close to You"...1---2----3---4.... Quote Roland RD-2000, Yamaha Motif XF7, Mojo 61, Invisible keyboard stand (!!!!!), 1939 Martin Handcraft Imperial trumpet "Everyone knows rock music attained perfection in 1974. It is a scientific fact." -- Homer Simpson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Force Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 A young suitor visits his girlfriend's house for the first time. The father meets him at the door and after sizing him up, allows him in to the living room. "Please, have a seat. I'm sure Betty Sue will be down shortly." At this point the family dog, a large German Shepherd lays down at the boy's feet. That's got to be a good omen, the boy thought. The boy and her father exchange pleasantries but the boy realizes that he's got to cut a seriously nasty fart. He's able to do the one-cheek-sneak into the upholstery.The father catches a whiff of this, looks down at the dog and yells, "Duke!" The boy is overjoyed. Not only has he gotten away with it but the family dog is catching the heat for it. So he figured he may as well clear himself out. He cuts another seriously funky fart. "DUKE! yells the dad. The boy is positive he's in the clear, but he'd like to really clear himself out before the big date, so he pushes out one really, nasty, hair-curling, milk-curdling, air biscuit. "DUKE!!" the father says, "Would you move before that guy shits on you?" Quote Steve Force, Durham, North Carolina -------- My Professional Websites Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 [video:youtube]mxq1td5OwJ8 Mr. Forceman, how in the world did this happen to you? ITGITC? Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 The wife is complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. The husband says "There's an easy fix for that. Simply roll up some toilet paper, and rub it on your cleavage." It sounded like a crazy idea but she tried it. After rubbing the toilet paper for ten minutes, she asked "I don't see any difference. Just how long will this take?" He told her "It could take years." to which the wife replied "And what makes you think this will work?" "It worked on your butt, didn't it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joegerardi Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 A teacher was asking her students about their parents' jobs... "Mary, what does your daddy do?" She asked. Mary replied "My daddy's a doctor. He makes sick people better." "Robbie, what does your daddy do?" "He's a lawyer. He puts bad people in jail." Robbie replied. "Little Johnny, what does your daddy do?" she asked, thinking this couldn't cause problems... "Nothing. My daddy's dead" Little Johnny replied. "Oh, I'm so sorry." She said. Thinking she might be able to save an otherwise embarrassing situation, she said "What did he do before he died?" Little Johnny replied "He turned blue and crapped on the carpet." ..Joe Quote Setup: Korg Kronos 61, Roland XV-88, Korg Triton-Rack, Motif-Rack, Korg N1r, Alesis QSR, Roland M-GS64 Yamaha KX-88, KX76, Roland Super-JX, E-Mu Longboard 61, Kawai K1II, Kawai K4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Early one day, a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later a D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender isn't convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. The bartender looks over his shoulder and notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in my bar tonight!" The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in. This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit - and everything else - and stands there au natural. Eventually the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides that since he's only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest... so he closes the bar. Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cleomenesII Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 f(x) walks into a bar. The barman says "sorry, we don't cater for functions." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 A baptist walks into a bar... Hey what happens in bars STAYS in bar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Link Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Quick summary of Judeo-Christian religion: Jews do not recognize Jesus as the messiah. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the church. Mormons do not recognize one another in liquor stores. Quote aka âmisterdregsâ Nord Electro 5D 73 Yamaha P105 Kurzweil PC3LE7 Motion Sound KP200S Schimmel 6-10LE QSC CP-12 Westone AM Pro 30 IEMs Rolls PM55P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnXYZ Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 What do you throw a drowning guitarist?. His Amp. Quote Keyboards - Kurzweil PC3X, Korg Triton Extreme + Moss, Roland JX8P, Roland V-Synth. www.xyzband.info Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 The top four things that are wrong with the medical profession: 1.) Doctors always make you wait too long--waiting room, exam room, and results of your tests. 2.) Doctors don't post their rates. 3.) Doctors only guess what's wrong with you. 4.) And... they don't guarantee their work! Quote When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 http://i.qkme.me/3t4gaa.jpg Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 26 foolproof ways to piss off a cat Photos... for your viewing enjoyment! http://now.msn.com/angry-cats-a-photo-gallery-of-ways-to-piss-off-a-cat (I've got three.) Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Thanks, Tom. And don't forget to buy a copy of this: http://www.allmystery.de/i/t4badbf_The_Official_I_Hate_Cats_Book.jpg Quote When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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