Pirate walks into a bar and grabs a stool. Guy next to him is intrigued and asks, "Sir, how did you get that pegleg?" He replies, "Arrr, lost me leg to a shark, matey". He then asks "Sir, how did you get that hook on your left arm?" "Arr, lost me hand fightin' an entire US naval crew in the Bahamas, yessirree!" Then he asks, "And how did you get that eyepatch?" "Damn seagull!!!" "A seagull?" "Arrr, he shit in me eye, and it was me first week with the hook..."