A drummer and I joined a new band about 6 weeks ago. The other three guys, the original members, are apparently all Type A personalities and argue a lot. It's weird, and I really don't know how to handle it. The drummer is already leaving! Playing with them is actually helping me musically since, while they are strong singers, they are not particularly strong soloists, so I'm getting to play more solos. I'm a Type B so I try to get along, but should I confront them about the arguing if it continues?

Of course you should. They're already getting the drummer to leave and if you feel uncomfortable enough, for long enough, you'll leave too. I don't think they'd really want that?

Everytime my old band used to start arguing, I'd go out on the back porch and let them settle it. If any argument took longer than 20 minutes to settle. I'd pack my gear and pull. Sooner or later even an idiot will notice we're spending more time arguing than playing.

Disagreements continued, but became more brief.

I like Cosmicslop's advice.

Don't put up with crap! Life is too short. And regarding your B-type persona, that's fine, but don't let it get in the way of expressing what's meaningful to you

Well, we've played both gigs now and they went okay. There were mistakes but no train wrecks. It's weird, but the drummer and I are in two other bands together, and all three bands played this particular festival. The stage soundman, who has known the drummer for a long time, told him that THIS BAND is the one of all of them that he should stick with. We think it is because this band is a little different. The main sound man, who did sound for all three bands, said that we band sounded great, but didn't mention the other two bands at all (the other two bands are more normal blues/classic rock bands). So anyway, the band leader is out of town so nothing will happen until he gets home, but at this point I guess I'm leaving my options open.

Well, if the music is good enough to overcome the personality conflicts, perhaps you guys just need to try and find a way to make it work.

Not to get all philosophical on you, but art is often born of conflict. A good number of great bands, from the Stones to the Who and many more, had a lot of internal fighting, but made a lot of good music. It's not the easiest road to take, but it could be worthwhile.

Work together, have disputes, flip your lid, then kiss & make up, respect difference of opinion and come to a compromise. Arguments are the root of all break ups.

A band is an organization that can be led, managed, and marketed just like any other organization. A band's core product is its music. If your band is commercially motivated, consider simply aligning the members with the notion that the band is a business.

Too many bands fail because their members are loosely organized and have no clear definition of their bands' missions. Playing your hearts out every night, having fun, and touring the country until you all are penniless is just a destructive fantasy. If you and your bandmates don't know why you're in the band, I suggest you all sit down and find out.

That's how you can get your band synchronized.

I completely agree that all bands should have a common plan in terms of what their goals are. This is important beyond words.

However: keep in mind that not every band has a financial-oriented goal. There is value in art and in fun, and I wouldn't be so quick to label that type of band, provided everyone in the band is there with that understanding, "destructive".

Jeff, I was specifically referring to bands in a commercial context. I live next door to a band comprised of old guys who mainly play together for the joy of doing so. They have two albums released, work as a house band for several local pubs, but they don't earn enough money from gigging to pay the bills. Each works a day job, at least three members are parents, so they're grounded to the region. If they had larger commercial aspirations, I'd step in and take them to the next level. They don't and that's fine.

I also think that "art and fun" and commerce are not mutually exclusive. While the systems and processes necessary for a commercial endeavor can distract from the development of the product, a band as a business can hire other professionals to handle that other work. [A label effectively serves that purpose; however, independent contractors can substitute for the marketing support of a label, so labels are more of a convenience than a requirement.]

Sure, and in that respect, I definitely agree.

Treat them like you would a stray cat... Shoot them in the face with a water pistol everytime they start arguing, they'll soon get the picture!

Tell them you come over to rehearse music, not play audience for their weekly Smackdown, and having them waste time with their unprofessional behavior is getting old. Then, whenever the three type 'A's start yelling at each other, get up and go home without saying a word. Do not go back until the next practice. It will eventually sink in that jacking around like that is not going to be tolerated. If you can get the drummer to agree to do the same, it'll sink in quicker.

Very, very true. Not that I like to encourage mutiny, but if you and the drummer feel that way, the other guys will have no choice than put aside the stupid bickering and get back to making music.

walk away.

You cannot change people. You are the new guy. Move on.

You do realize you're replying to a post that was posted almost two years ago don't you? I'm sure that the OP has already dealt with the issue.

Update: The drummer who joined the band with me quit in Sept. 07, after our local festival gig, but he quit the right way, he introduced us to his replacement, who turned out to be quite good and took the band in a bit of a new direction stylistically because of his drumming style. We played a limited schedule in 2008, our last gig being the local festival gig in Sept. 2008. We didn't know it at the time but one of the singer/songwriters in the band was having health issues and ended up in the hospital for an extended time, and I forgot what the problem was I'm sad to say, but nearly as soon as that was over he had to go in again for hip replacement surgery. Because of his health issues we haven't done anything this year, although there has been talk of beginning rehearsals again soon. Thanks for the replies!

One nice thing about the commonality of band experiences is that most problems/challenges are pretty timeless. I'm sure someone else out there will be searching for answers to this all-too-common problem at some point.