I just got the February issue of EQ, and I discovered that some great advice got edited from my "tips" column that I wrote. I guess Eugene just wanted the tip and no shaft. Here it is for those of you who might give a shit about what got left out:

Bad ideas. First, never pet a porcupine. Also, never leave the singer’s girlfriend and the drummer alone in the studio lounge with a few hits of ecstasy and a bottle of Astroglide. Bad things tend to happen.

What’s that smell? Musician types tend to not like to shower every day, etc. Maybe they want that messy hair look. Who knows. However, the studio is an intimate environment. Nothing makes a session suck more than somebody who refuses to deal with their hygiene. Clothes that have been washed, using deodorant, brushing your teeth or just dealing with your stale coffee breath will go a long way to making the session a more pleasant one. I mean, it’s bad enough dealing with the studio dog’s Ass of Fire.

Don’t be a schmuck. Here’s a biggy: The hardest thing to learn as a producer is bedside manner. Artists sometimes have incredibly frail egos attached to their creations, even with something as simple as a guitar lick. A great deal of reverse psychology needs to be employed sometimes. An artist will usually need to feel that he has had some say in the outcome of a record. A producer who doesn’t indulge at all his clients won’t last too long, usually. I’ve found that even when it comes to an idea that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, it’s better to let them try it and spin their wheels for twenty minutes, eventually figuring out that is doesn’t work. Otherwise, you argue about it for an hour, and then the artist is resentful at your for the rest of the session. Besides, some of those really stupid ideas might be the thing that makes the track, or will lead to into an idea that does.

Look normal. If you ever get the chance to appear on the cover on a pro audio magazine, don’t preen and try to look all ‘dead sexeh’ for the freaking camera. Please … no Magnum or Blue Steel. OK? These are typically heterosexual dudes reading these publications, and the chances of their wives or girlfriends seeing you on the cover and saying “Ooh! He’s hot! I want to fuck him,” are probably too small to even calculate. Besides, it violates my motto: “Friends don’t let friend act like rockstars.”

JJ, Good thoughts...shoulda be in there. Guess they were too busy making it crazy text and fonts so older guys like me get rolly eyes before we're half thru the mag! Besides, this rag gets any thinner, my postman will be able to just slip it under the front door (I CAN see light coming thru ya' know).

blas

I noticed that this issue was kinda thin, wasn't it? 80 pages, where it usually is around 100. Maybe they should just use thicker paper!