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Craziest thing ever said to you at a gig


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Originally posted by coyote:

Because women are incredibly competitive.

Originally posted by Moonglow:

.....and why do things like this never seem to occur when you DON'T have your girl with you at the job?

And also because your own confidence is high when a pretty lady accompanies you, and the others are drawn to it.

 

Nothing gets you women like having one! :D

Right, although I found out it's a little more than that. I was dating this real beauty (much to my surprise), and though she was faithful she actually encouraged me to date other women (again, much to my surprise). I figured, this has to be the best, because experience had taught me that when I had one, others fell all over me.

 

Only it didn't seem to work that way. :(

 

I think it's the "unavailable" vibes that we send out that drives 'em crazy, not just that we're with someone.

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Well looks like no one is addressing the character issue here. I am no puritan, but sure as hell understand the difference between the kind of lady you can trust to have forever and the kind you'd be laughed at for it...

 

It all depends on your intentions/plans and what you are willing to risk ;) .

 

Ah yes, just like we do, women also put up a very different façade for courtship, and are bound to show their true colors after some time. Another aspect to consider upon playing the game.

"I'm ready to sing to the world. If you back me up". (Lennon to his bandmates, in an inspired definition of what it's all about).
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One of my favorite things that was ever said on a gig was during a crowded show this past New Year's in Hoboken, NJ:

 

The band leader called a fairly well known New Orleans style song. The drummer, just wanting to confirm what he heard asks "so what is it, like a rhumba"?

 

The band leader replies "I don't know, we'll see"

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Another dynamic that has always amazed me is that you could be playing to a packed house....with over one hundred women available.....and no matter how stealth you try to be....they somehow always know the ONE that you want to hook up with, or the one where there is that mutual, albeit unspoken "connection." If the government could somehow tap into this kind of radar terrorism would be eliminated forever!

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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I have so many, where do I start?

 

-------------------

 

Playing a gig at a local bar on a slow night. The saxophone player's buddy comes in, from out of town, who plays keys. Saxophonist asks me if I mind if he sits in. I say, "Sure, no problem." So I go sit down at the bar.

 

The band starts playing, with this guy sitting in and this really drunk dude next to me at the bar turn to me and says, "You know what? You're a helluva player... much better than this guy. But you look like a f&^king dork."

 

---------------------

 

Playing the same local bar with a different band on a packed Saturday night. Dance floor is jammin'. These two incredibly good looking latino girls are dancing together, obviously trying to get my attention. They're rubbing, kissing, dry-humping, the whole bit. I'm a married man and have no interest, so I just ignored them and played the tunes.

 

When we take a break, one of them puts a note on my Hammond before they both take off. I read the note and it says, "Too bad, we would've sat on your face."

 

----------------------

 

This happened just a few weeks ago. Playing a bar/restaurant in a rich, yuppie community. There is a bachelorette party that is comprised of 6 or 7 girls, all very attractice. The most beautiful of which is the one getting married. They're dancing having a good time. We play a slo tune for the couples and they sit down. At that time, a buddy of mine comes in and although he has a girlfriend, he sees the table of girls and makes a bee-line. He immediately starts hitting on the engaged one (I'm watching all this play out while playing).

 

He gets nowhere, and goes and sits at the bar. We take our break and I join him at the bar to chat. The beautiful girl getting married comes up to me and says, "Are you the keyboardist? Oh my God. That organ you were playing. Oh my God. It's just so great." I say, "Thanks. Are you the one getting married?" She says, "Yes, but if I wasn't.... I mean... oh God. You're just amazing." My buddy is just laughing.

 

-------------------

 

This is a true story, I swear. This happened before I was married. I'm playing a bar with my trio (organ, guitar, drums) and on the break this cute little hippie chick comes up to me and says, "I love the Hammond. Do you know any Jack McDuff?"

 

WHA?!?!?! I asked her to marry me right there. She giggled and said, "My boyfriend probably wouldn't like that." She was giving me the eyes the rest of the night, though.

 

--------------------------

 

This happened to a friend of mine. He was playign with a jazz fusion group (hardcore stuff... Mahavishnu, Lifetime, etc.) This really drunk guy kept yelling at them to play some ZZ Top. Of course, they kept playing what they knew (instrumental fusion). Finally, the guy comes up to the bassist during a break and says, "PLAY SOME ZZ TOP OR I'LL KILL YOU!"

 

The bar threw him out.

 

---------------------------

 

Last one for now: Best gig I ever did...

 

Wedding gig, way up in Northern Michigan. Get everything set up and we start playing before anyone arrives (hey, they said to start playing at 8pm). A few minutes later people start coming in. I'm watching people arrive when all of a sudden the most beautiful woman I've ever seen comes in the room. Everything literally just faded away and all I could see were her eyes. She was looking at me, too.

 

We keep making eyes the whole night and finally, on one of the breaks, she comes over to me and introduces herself. We make small talk for awhile before I go up to play again.

 

At the end of the night I get the courage up to ask her to dinner. I had no idea if she lived up north or what. We were five hours from my hometown. She says yes and I give her my phone number and ask her to call me if she wants to.

 

She calls two days later and we set up a date. Turns out she lives in my hometown. We have one date and it's magic. We have another and it's magic. Within a month we're living together and a year later we're married. Now we have a beautiful 2 year old girl and a great house and she is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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B3-er,

 

I can match you on that last one.

 

I was playing a whiskey dive in St. Louis back in the 70s. This girl comes up to me and announces "I'm gonna cut your hair." At the time my hair was down the middle of my back and had not been touched in 7 years. It was also super thick and wavy.

 

Big hair pic from several years prior to meeting her:

http://www.hotrodmotm.com/images/gallery/ribbon2.jpg

 

Anyway, it had gotten so thick and hard to deal with that when she gave me her phone number I actually called. Turned out she was in beauty school and needed a bunch of virgin hair for their hair dying experiments. :D

 

She cut off a grocery sack full just with thinning shears, without taking any length off. I daresay my hair provided that entire class of beauty school students fodder to dye orange and green.

 

We hit it off so well that I ended up kidnapping her on the road with me. We stayed out for the next 7 years, and eventually she was running lights and sound, and the t-shirt concession for the band.

 

She never finished beauty school, but she got to travel the country and rock and roll. We have been married 26 years now. :thu:

 

"Honey, I love you more than my clavinet."

Moe

---

 

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Originally posted by B3-er:

Playing the same local bar with a different band on a packed Saturday night. Dance floor is jammin'. These two incredibly good looking latino girls are dancing together, obviously trying to get my attention. They're rubbing, kissing, dry-humping, the whole bit. I'm a married man and have no interest, so I just ignored them and played the tunes.

 

When we take a break, one of them puts a note on my Hammond before they both take off. I read the note and it says, "Too bad, we would've sat on your face."

"My dear, as long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit."

 

(Anonymous quote)

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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  • 4 years later...

oh man, I've got a ton of these too...

 

to start:

I was playing in a Deep Purple cover band. I was [naturally] constantly having trouble competing for volume with the guitarist [2 Marshalls and 4 quad boxes] and the bass player.

 

I ended up with 4 Leslie cabs that had been reworked with Marshall amps and JBL drivers, and 2 x double-15-and-horn boxes.

 

One day we had just loaded in to a major club, and me and the bass player were preparing for sound check, started playing the opening riff from "Wild Woman From Tokyo". The owner comes running out from the office and stops us.

 

"It can't be that loud tonight - turn it down by at least half" he says...

 

...The PA -and the monitors- were not even on yet...

--

Merlin Zener

Australia.

 

CP70, DX7-II-D, VFX-SD, MRrack, TG55, reason...

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oh man, I've got a ton of these too...

 

to start:

I was playing in a Deep Purple cover band.

 

I ended up with 4 Leslie cabs that had been reworked with Marshall amps and JBL drivers, and 2 x double-15-and-horn boxes.

 

Pretty sure even Jon Lord didn't travel with a rig like that!! Seriously, 4 Leslies? :rolleyes:

Yamaha C7 Grand, My Hammonds: '57 B3, '54 C2, '42 BC, '40 D, '05 XK3 Pro System, Kawai MP9000, Fender Rhodes Mk I 73, Yamaha CP33, Motif ES6, Nord Electro 2, Minimoog Voyager & Model D, Korg MS10
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i was playing a jazz brunch one easter morning, playing all standards up to this point...and someone came up in all seriousness and asked I could play any peter gabriel...totally random....I did a version of "red rain" as best I could...

 

www.dandechellis.com

 

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." A. Einstein

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One time I was at a club gig and a guy came up and asked if we could play "MONOPOLY" by the PARKER BROTHERS.

 

Also I was doing a gig in Reno one time at the Hot August Nights summer outdoor festival. The husband and wife who ran the band didn't show up for this very good gig and there several thousand people waiting in the street on a .... hot august night.

 

The promoter came up and asked what I could do about it. I was actually doing the gig on drums so he got on the mike and asked the audience to cheer loud enough so that I might do a drum solo.

 

I obliged, since I thought that not complying might cost me a night's pay.

 

Anyway I played the solo and when I finished I looked to the side of the stage and I could see that the husband and wife bandleaders were furious. The wife came up to me and in front of

the large crowd of people she yelled "You're fired!".

 

For some reason though they expected me to finish out the set with them.

 

I did, but I never did get paid.

 

But then again, one time I was in London (playing at the WORLD'S END, a very famous club) and after the set the cutest, most adorable young woman I have ever seen in my life simply walked up to me and asked those three little words...

 

"Are you single?"

 

"Yes!" I exclaimed. And the encounter was quite memorable. Many time I have wished that I could have stayed in England, believe me......

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One time I was at a club gig and a guy came up and asked if we could play "MONOPOLY" by the PARKER BROTHERS.

 

That wins the random award. ;)

 

Vaguely similar: A (non-musician) friend of mine said he had met a guy who was looking for someone to score a short documentary. He had talked me up to this guy, and said I should call him. He said the guy's name was Mr. Lyons, and gave me his office number.

 

When I called the number, a woman answered and said the name of the business. When I heard it, immediately I was 95% sure something funny was going on. But I wasn't completely certain, so I asked if I could speak to Mr. Lyons. She said with an obviously suppressed chuckle that she was sorry, but there was no one there by that name. I apologized, hung up, and proceeded to feel like a complete idiot.

 

I had been totally punked. The number my friend gave me was for the local zoo, and I had just called it and ask to speak to Mr. Lions.

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I once had a 60-ish woman kiss my hands, and say "God bless you." Had this been after I played at a wedding or funeral, it may be seemed appropriate. But, it was a bar gig.
"I never knew that music like that was possible." - Mozart ( Amadeus movie)
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B3-er,

 

I can match you on that last one.

 

I was playing a whiskey dive in St. Louis back in the 70s. This girl comes up to me and announces "I'm gonna cut your hair." At the time my hair was down the middle of my back and had not been touched in 7 years. It was also super thick and wavy.

 

Big hair pic from several years prior to meeting her:

http://www.hotrodmotm.com/images/gallery/ribbon2.jpg

 

Anyway, it had gotten so thick and hard to deal with that when she gave me her phone number I actually called. Turned out she was in beauty school and needed a bunch of virgin hair for their hair dying experiments. :D

 

She cut off a grocery sack full just with thinning shears, without taking any length off. I daresay my hair provided that entire class of beauty school students fodder to dye orange and green.

 

We hit it off so well that I ended up kidnapping her on the road with me. We stayed out for the next 7 years, and eventually she was running lights and sound, and the t-shirt concession for the band.

 

She never finished beauty school, but she got to travel the country and rock and roll. We have been married 26 years now. :thu:

 

"Honey, I love you more than my clavinet."

 

NICE story. :thu:

This post edited for speling.

My Sweetwater Gear Exchange Page

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I was doing a hotel gig in Dubai a few years ago with a jazz quartet, playing Miles, Monk, standards and bossas. During a break an American guy approached us, raving on at length about how much he loved jazz and the band. We asked him if there was any song in particular he'd like to hear us play.

 

Yeah, he replied, There's only one song I wanna hear - 'Black Magic Woman' by Santana."

www.dazzjazz.com

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my YouTube is Jazz Organ Bites

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Pretty sure even Jon Lord didn't travel with a rig like that!! Seriously, 4 Leslies? :rolleyes:

 

yeh, we were crazy back then. No wonder we never made a cent. We were a 5 man band with a 6 man crew.

Anyhow, the guitarist had 4 quad boxes, I had to have 4 leslies, right?

 

:cool:

--

Merlin Zener

Australia.

 

CP70, DX7-II-D, VFX-SD, MRrack, TG55, reason...

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many many years ago I ended up doing sound for a Mariachi band in Albuquerque.

Later I found out that I got it because no-one else wanted it.

4 guitars, one singer, 3 trumpets. Easy, I thought...

 

Naturally, the old bloke who thought he was the most important one in the room is sat at the first table, about 3 meters from the stage.

 

2 songs in, he's walked up to my desk and says "the trumpets are too loud!" I point out that there's no mics on the trumpets [i only have 3 mics on the guitars, one has a pickup, and then the vocal mic]

 

He says: "well, if you had mics on them you could turn them down!"

 

 

This is great. Have you copied it into the "craziest things ever said to me at a gig thread"?

I have now!

--

Merlin Zener

Australia.

 

CP70, DX7-II-D, VFX-SD, MRrack, TG55, reason...

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It's not that crazy but I had a guy tip me $100 to stop playing the piano for an hour. He wasn't being rude nor was I playing poorly - he was a famous NBA star and he was signing an endorsement deal just a few yards from where I was playing.
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I was playing cocktail piano for a Christmas party, and the hosts had just had their piano tuned. This one drunk cougar with her legs down to there and her dress cut up to there kept coming on to me, in a really drunk, obnoxious way. I did my best to ignore her. Finally, as I'm reaching down to the bass notes in my best Fats Waller stride piano, she plunks her arse down on the bass keys. "Please, Madam" I exclaimed; "this is a finely tuned instrument!" to which she pulls her skirt up and says "So's THIS, Buddy!" I went on break.

Muzikteechur is Lonnie, in Kittery, Maine.

 

HS music teacher: Concert Band, Marching Band, Jazz Band, Chorus, Music Theory, AP Music Theory, History of Rock, Musical Theatre, Piano, Guitar, Drama.

 

 

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"We're a speedmetal band. When you guys go on break, can we come up and play your instruments?"

 

"No. I mean, HELL NO."

 

That reminds me of one...we were setting up at a venue and right before soundcheck this guy comes up to me and asks whether he can "warm up" with us and play Limelight on the drums. Hell no you can't!

 

 

 

Korg Kronos 61 (2); Kurzweil PC4, Roland Fantom-06, Casio PX-350M; 2015 Macbook Pro and 2012 Mac Mini (Logic Pro X and Mainstage), GigPerformer 4.

 

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I had an African-American woman come up to me and start yelling that I am a racist because there are no black people in the symphony. Keep in mind that

 

1. I'm not leading the orchestra

2. Auditions are almost always held behind screens.

 

:rolleyes:

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Playing at a Moose Lodge where they did not allow the band to use lights on stage because that would light up the dance floor and allow people to see who was dancing together. Lots of pretty young ladies and rich older men. I was 18 and could pass for 15. The drummer and bassist thought it would be funny to spread the word that I was only 15.

 

From a pretty blond in here early 20's. "Jeff and Gary said you are only 15. Is that true?"

Me. "I'm 18."

Her. "I don't believe you." I started to pull out my driver's license and then it hit me.

Me. "If the management knows I am 15 they will not let me play here." I walked back to the stage where the drummer and bassist were laughing.

 

"Did you see the blond?" I said. "We are going out after the show." That turned out to be the best joke anyone ever played on me.

This post edited for speling.

My Sweetwater Gear Exchange Page

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