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Craziest thing ever said to you at a gig


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My friends, the classic rock band that plays a couple of ripping Rush covers, heard the following one night from a drunk redneck at set break:

 

"Man, that Rush was fuckin' awesome! Do y'all know "Temples of Xanax"? :freak:

 

(I may have told that one before. Smack me if so.)

"I had to have something, and it wasn't there. I couldn't go down the street and buy it, so I built it."

 

Les Paul

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One funny story that has a punchline that we still tell today..

 

We were setting up at our regular Wed./Thurs. house gig in the afternoon. The guitar player's girlfriend was sitting there waiting and drinking wine.

 

About 45 minutes pass, then she pipes up in a tipsy voice, "Denny, I'm ready to go now!"

 

The guitar player slowly straightens up from a pile of equipment still scattered all over the floor, turns and looks at her with a "what the @#$%" expression on his face, and the entire band bursts out into laughter.

Moe

---

 

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A long, long time ago ....

My band was support act to Junior Walker & the All Stars at a function near Manchester, England. We did our set (went down quite well, the audience were quite literally dancing on the tables). Then Jnr came on and to my mind just blew us away, man, he was that sweet!

 

After a song in the middle of his set he turns to the audience and says" Hey, what do want to hear next?" and someone at the back of the room shouts our bands name.

Gig rig: Motif XF8,Roland A37~laptop,Prophet 08,Yam WX5~VL70m.

Studio: V-Synth GT,Korg DW8000,A33,Blofeld,N1R,KS Rack,too many VSTs

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Great thread!

 

Here are a few:

 

A cute girl: "You are the one who was playing guitar?" (the guitar player didn't look like me at all).

Me: "No, but I can introduce you to him if you want".

"No, I really wanted to talk to you".

"Wonderful. You liked the music?"

"Sure. Now I remember - you're the drummer!" (I was playing piano, and talk with the audience, all night)

Me: "You're right. Now please excuse me, I've something to do..." :mad::mad:

 

After a concert with my electric jazz group:

"You are great, but I prefer live playing, with no electronic aids".

There wasn't one sequenced or arpeggiated note in the whole concert; it was all live playing. :freak:

 

During the first tune of a gig, a girl comes to me, saying something.

Me: "Later, please; I can't speak right now."

"Why?"

"Because we're PLAYING, can't you see it?"

"You mean this is the concert? From the sound of it, I though you were still checking your instruments..."

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Got another one:

 

My current band (MLC Project at http://mlcprojectblues.tripod.com) is a foursome. Our drummer sings lead on most songs with our lead guitarist singing just a few. Back in October 2005, we were still a 5-piece band with a rhythym guitarist\lead singer too (who has since left the band). So, we're on a break and this very hot woman comes up to our rhythym guitarist and says, "Your drummer sings much better than you do. At least you play guitar so you're not a total waste."

Steve (Stevie Ray)

"Do the chickens have large talons?"

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I was playing in a Swing band a couple of years back when swing dancing was booming. This couple from the local swing dance society had us play for their wedding. After the first set a guy comes up and say's "who would hire a band like you guys for a wedding." My guess is he wanted Brickhouse, and Boogie oogie oogie.

 

Also had a woman walk on stage one night as we were packing up and look me dead in the eye and ask "could we go out sometime?" I of course said sure and got her phone number and email address. When I contacted her she never responded, what's up with that. LOL

Jimmy

 

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho

NEW BAND CHECK THEM OUT

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Very entertaining post! Here's a couple of interesting experiences:

 

After setting up our gear for approximately 45 minutes at a wedding reception, the mother of the bride comes up to us and inquires, "Are you guys The Travelers?" (not the name of our band). Turns out there was another hall, with the exact same friggin' name, across town. Man, we never tore our stuff down quicker.......

 

More recently, we're playing this club gig, and these two hot chicks are groping and making out with each other approximately 4-5 feet in front of my side of the stage. At one point, one of them puts her foot/leg up on the stage (other leg on the floor) and the other girl crawls underneath, upside down (you get the idea....), and starts having a blast with her friend. This went on all night, and it was hard to determine as to who received more attention, these chicks or the band. BTW, this was very distracting to deal with while playing. The basic intervention was to look at my hands/keys as much as possible, because if I looked up, well, there they were, and I would get locked into their frolicking and screw up my part!

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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Originally posted by Moonglow:

Very entertaining post! Here's a couple of interesting experiences:

 

After setting up our gear for approximately 45 minutes at a wedding reception, the mother of the bride comes up to us and inquires, "Are you guys The Travelers?" (not the name of our band). Turns out there was another hall, with the exact same friggin' name, across town. Man, we never tore our stuff down quicker.......

 

More recently, we're playing this club gig, and these two hot chicks are groping and making out with each other approximately 4-5 feet in front of my side of the stage. At one point, one of them puts her foot/leg up on the stage (other leg on the floor) and the other girl crawls underneath, upside down (you get the idea....), and starts having a blast with her friend. This went on all night, and it was hard to determine as to who received more attention, these chicks or the band. BTW, this was very distracting to deal with while playing. The basic intervention was to look at my hands/keys as much as possible, because if I looked up, well, there they were, and I would get locked into their frolicking and screw up my part!

I'm really sorry folks, I just can't resist...

 

So the gig went down well then?

Gig rig: Motif XF8,Roland A37~laptop,Prophet 08,Yam WX5~VL70m.

Studio: V-Synth GT,Korg DW8000,A33,Blofeld,N1R,KS Rack,too many VSTs

Freefall www.f-music.co.uk

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Originally posted by JustaJigolo:

I'm really sorry folks, I just can't resist...

 

So the gig went down well then?

:eek:

 

I get the picture. :D:thu:

 

I don't think I'll post it though. :rolleyes:;)

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo
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Originally posted by sudeep:

a girl once came up to me during a break in our set and said bluntly..."I wanna f*ck your drummer".

 

She did.

My kind of lady :thu:
"I'm ready to sing to the world. If you back me up". (Lennon to his bandmates, in an inspired definition of what it's all about).
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A few years ago I played a gig, where a really drunk guy asked us 3 or 4 times to play wipeout. We ignored him and did our first set. We came off the stage, and he immediately jumps on stage, grabs a mic, and does his own drunking vocal rendition of the tune ('duh na na NA na na...')

 

Just this past friday night, a guy (who says he is a drummer) engaged himself in a conversation with our guitar player. He was telling him (and later us, as I strolled by) what our band needed to fix.

 

1st - get a new singer. He said our singer is great, but isn't distinct (we are a cover band for pete's sake). He said, think of the following singers, "Bono, Robert Plant, Darth Vader." You know what they have in common? They have distinct voices..

 

2nd - Put the keboard player (me) in a dark suit and put him in the back. He said that I am a great player, but I can't dance... At which point I laughed out loud. I had just not long ago posted here that I get loads of compliments about my playing because I move aroud a lot. Most, (but obviously not all) people dig it.

 

Peter

I'm just saying', everyone that confuses correlation with causation eventually ends up dead.
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Never had anything particularly crazy said to me, but a band I used to play in had a (not particularly attractive, and rather large) female groupie who always threw a bra on stage during our set. One night, a kid who was there to see a different band thought this was funny, ran to the toilets, came back and slung his boxer shorts on stage, which I caught on the headstock of my guitar. I played the rest of the set with them dangling there (fortunately, I didn't need to retune at any point).

 

The coolest thing anyone's ever said to me at a gig was undoubtedly the night I came off stage and my bassist's girlfriend walks up and says "I've got some friends who really want to meet you."...

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Many years ago, we were hired to play a wedding. We arrived at the same time as the caterers, et al, set-up and waited and waited and waited. No one came. Everyone was rechecking their contract to make sure we were in the right place.

 

Finally, two hours after we were supposed to start, the Mother of the Bride came storming into the Hall. She walked right up to the leader and, without a word, gave him our money. Then went around to everyone else and silently paid them all off.

 

Some fool shouted out "when is the wedding party arriving?"

 

She turned around, looked at everyone for a minute and said in this acid-tongued voice: "there was no f*cking wedding and there is no f*cking wedding party coming!"

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. W. C. Fields
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Every year the hospital puts on a posh fund-raising dinner/dance thing. The whole deal is volunteer - the kitchen staff, the entertainment etc, and they bring in around 100k. This year I was asked to accompany one of the doctors in town. I find out later he's known to be pushy and long-winded, but they tell me he's cut a couple of CDs so I figure it'll be a breeze. He was asked to sing 4 songs, 2 sets of 2. He shows up to rehearse with 12. I'm surprised but we run it and I figure we're good to go. So the first thing he wants to know is, when's the next practice? What do you mean? Well, I want to do this right, how about tommorrow morning? I reluctantly agree. He shows up at 7:20 am. And then, the next night after work. That's 10:30 pm! Understand this guy's been singing the same worn out arias since he was a teenager (did I say nobody's getting paid?). Long story short, 4 or 5 rehearsals later (plus an entire run-through for his mother as our "sound check"), we do the gig (4 songs), and I pass somebody afterwards in the foyer who calls out,

"Hey! nice to hear you playing for Antonio! So did you guys get together to practice?"

 

"Are you kidding!???"

 

"I didn't think so."

"........! Try to make It..REAL! compared to what? ! ! ! " - BOPBEEPER
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Many years ago we were playing a sorta rough bar on a Thursday. These 2 biker guys come in and set up chairs right on the dance floor in front of us. They had smuggled in their own bottles of booze and were tanked. They would hide the bottles under their shirts and drink out of them- like no one noticed that. Back then we played a lot of CCR, Stones, etc, but we also did the "Peanuts" theme. We're playing this, our one guitar player (who won the Galax bluegrass competition one year) played with a lot of finesse. He's doing a nice solo, one of the guys gets 2" away from his face, and says "You play like a pussy". The other guy had gone back and was sitting next to the drummer making faces at him. We had this huge guy who was our friend and was sort of a roving bouncer at various bars, he never saw what was going on. Finally our sound man, who was a little skinny guy, goes up and tells them to sit down and let us play. We thought all hell was going to break loose, but they actually sat down! To this day, whenever I see that guitar player, I tell him he plays like a pussy, just for old times sake. :)

 

Worst gig ever though- some club in the middle of Jersey, attached to a dive motel. You played 1 hour on, 1 hour off, from 9PM til 4AM. 3 nights in a row. There may have been 20 people there each night, and they looked mostly like meth whores- seemingly nice looking until you got a closer look and they smiled. At the end of the gig, this guy who looks like he's straight out of the Sopranos comes to pay us out of a cigar box that had FAR more money than that place saw all week. We took our pay and had a few words for the agent who booked us there!

 

A good gig from way back: This girl who I had worked with a few years before came to see us. She asked why I never sang, and I said the rest of the band says I didn't have lead singer balls. She grabs my crotch under the table and says "they feel ok to me". I KNEW I was getting some action that night, and she was about the wildest one I ever had. Sometimes even the keyboard player gets lucky. :)

Live: Korg Kronos 2 88, Nord Electro 5d Nord Lead A1

Toys: Roland FA08, Novation Ultranova, Moog LP, Roland SP-404SX, Roland JX10,Emu MK6

www.bksband.com

www.echoesrocks.com

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Originally posted by sudeep:

a girl once came up to me during a break in our set and said bluntly..."I wanna f*ck your drummer".

 

She did.

Well, it seems most of you are as much obsessed with girls as with music. And if i read well, girls are looking for drummers, singers, sax-players.... :D:D:D

 

I suppose that keyboarders :bor::bor: have less VD :thu:

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I think it is some of the women who are obsessed with musicians rather than the other way around. The guitarists and drummers of course get the most attention which is fine by me. I'm a married guy.

 

We had a gig once with a former lead guitarist who while a decent guy and good player and all that, but he was 52 years old with a decent sized belly, and at one gig he had this woman all over him, and staring right at his crotch, really up close to the stage and saying "yeah baby" repeatedly.

 

In my first post in this thread, I mentioned the woman who wanted me to come "tune her piano". Well, she had already told all of us that she had "been with" many local musicians, and she was obviously looking to add to that list.

 

Seems odd to me.

Steve (Stevie Ray)

"Do the chickens have large talons?"

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There's a few moments that stand out for me.

 

One was about ten years ago when I first moved here. I was playing a Sunday brunch job. A women approaches me and quickly realizes after a few words that I'm not Dutch. She than states, they couldn't get a Dutch piano player? I was nonplussed. I thought of several lines later, but then it was ... too late.

 

I saw that same women at another job at the same restaurant shortly thereafter and she avoided eye contact. I assumed she realized she was a bit too nationalistic on our previous encounter.

No guitarists were harmed during the making of this message.

 

In general, harmonic complexity is inversely proportional to the ratio between chording and non-chording instruments.

 

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Originally posted by MrStrangeSound:

Well, it seems most of you are as much obsessed with girls as with music. And if i read well, girls are looking for drummers, singers, sax-players.... :D:D:D

 

I suppose that keyboarders :bor::bor: have less VD :thu:

I beg to differ...with the first part anyway :)
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This is no joke. Late '99, a quasi-hippie-ish waif approaches me after a club gig in Santa Barbara, points to the Leslie 142 I was playing my Roland VK-7 through, and asks

 

"Hey, is that a real Leslie?"

 

Me: "Um, why yes."

 

Her: "So that's why your Hammond sounds rocked. Do you wanna go home with me?"

 

Me: "If you can wait til I get the Leslie in the truck..."

 

So we get to her place, and random people are crashed on the living room floor, and one more on the floor of her room. "He won't care what we do," she re-assures me as she commences to smoke half of Humboldt county.

 

I had to get out of there.

Stephen Fortner

Principal, Fortner Media

Former Editor in Chief, Keyboard Magazine

Digital Piano Consultant, Piano Buyer Magazine

 

Industry affiliations: Antares, Arturia, Giles Communications, MS Media, Polyverse

 

 

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In my younger years,

 

Have played the keys with my left hand, and had my right arm around the back of some girl, up her top and feeling her tit for a whole song.

 

 

Also, got head under the stage once from some chick while the rest of the band was waiting over top of us and yelling at me to hurry up. They were waiting to start the set.

 

Also, years ago a bar owner (very drunk) came out in front of the band with a shotgun and told us to play some country music. It was chaos as people flocked out the doors.

 

And the craziest thing....I pee'd in the corner on the stage in the last set - no one could see me but I 'had' to go.

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We're beginning to sound a little like that other keyboard forum.

No guitarists were harmed during the making of this message.

 

In general, harmonic complexity is inversely proportional to the ratio between chording and non-chording instruments.

 

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We were having a gig in a restaurant, when a local gypsy man came bravely on to the stage, took the microphone and said with his dark voice: "Liljankukkaaaa (a finnish tango classic), let's play Liljankukka." I asked then:"In what key shall we play?" The gypsy man said loudly:"That is not your business."

 

:) )

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We were playing a bar last weekend and I noticed this decent looking young lady sitting all alone...drinking heavily with her head in her hands. After the set she waved me over to her table...she said she loved the band...I asked her why so down....she proceeds to tell me that her boyfriend is in the hospital and had a heart attack that very day...at the end of the night she comes up to me and says....so......are you married?
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I was on set break talking to a very attractive girl wearing a nice flowery summer dress. She was really flirty with me and we had a lively conversation through the entire set break. I was beginning to get dragged away from this girl by the band to go play again (they're all married) and I complimented her on her dress. She said thank you and that she really had to change out of what she was wearing before. I asked what that was and she says that she was wearing a black dress and had come from her mom's funeral. The only thing I could think of to say was I'm sorry to hear that...I have to go play now...

She left during that next set.

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