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#2566697 - 01/28/14 10:46 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: linwood]
David Emm Offline
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Registered: 09/14/12
Posts: 1220
Loc: Solder Huffer's Gulch
Mother Superior calls the nuns together for a meeting. "I hate to have to tell you this, but there is a case of gonorrhea in the convent." An old nun in the back hollers "Thank GOD! I was getting sick of chardonnay!"
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The world will ultimately end by: A) Fire B) Too much water C) Not ENOUGH water D) Grade-A Mega-Splat Meteor Strike E) Ignorance or F) This List Is Too Short.

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KC Island
#2567249 - 01/29/14 07:19 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: David Emm]
DulceLabs.com Offline
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Registered: 04/21/13
Posts: 5183
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#2575888 - 02/27/14 09:49 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: DulceLabs.com]
J. Dan Offline
Bannination Free Since '08
10k Club

Registered: 07/25/08
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Loc: St. Louis, MO
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Dan

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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#2576203 - 02/28/14 10:15 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: J. Dan]
lightbg Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 02/02/01
Posts: 685
Loc: Rockaway,NJ,UNITED STATES
Q: Whats the definition of Endless Love?



A: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.............

Jake
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1967 B-3 w/(2) 122's, Nord C1w/Leslie 2101 top, Nord PedalKeys 27, Nord Electro 4D, QSC K12.2, Yamaha reface YC+CS+CP

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#2580865 - 03/14/14 09:50 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: lightbg]
ITGITC? Offline
Grand Poobah of Posting
10k Club

Registered: 12/18/02
Posts: 17498
Loc: USA


laugh




Have a great weekend!

facepalm
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"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” - Victor Hugo

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#2580874 - 03/14/14 10:46 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: ITGITC?]
SK Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 4159
Loc: North America
(Shocking to see a nun eating Cheetos)

A guitar player friend sent me this:

Music : A profession where amateurs make millions and professionals starve.
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CD: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/stevekessler

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#2580895 - 03/14/14 11:41 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: SK]
wmp Offline
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Registered: 12/02/04
Posts: 2982
Loc: MA
Amatures starve too, but we deserve it more.

Refreshing to see unarmed nuns enjoying a beer.
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--wmp

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#2580913 - 03/14/14 12:53 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: SK]
I-missRichardTee Offline
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Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 7027
Loc: S. Ca. USA
Originally Posted By: SK
(

Music : A profession where amateurs make millions and professionals starve.


Somehow the Pagliacci in my soul, did not appreciate this joke ( wink ) ,. howEVER
A man goes to see his Dr, says he's depressed, life seems harsh and meaningless ( he later admitted to watching way too much Larry David and Seinfeld episodes ) , a cruel world indeed. Doc says treatment is simple.. a great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight, go see him. That should pick you up. Man bursts into tears ( possibly from vague memories of hearing, unarmed, Andrew Lloyd Webber music ) and says, but Doc, I AM Pagliacci.
Thunderous laughter
Take my wife. Doc it hurts when I do that ( raising his arms akimbo ) Doc says, Don't do that.


Edited by I-missRichardTee (03/14/14 05:26 PM)
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Live and let live. Always has been a meaningless platitude until Now. Live and LET LIVE.

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#2580915 - 03/14/14 12:57 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: I-missRichardTee]
I-missRichardTee Offline
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Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 7027
Loc: S. Ca. USA
Borsht belt comic seen on Sullivan show ( that's ED Sullivan, the famed 1950's martial artist who heralded in the Beattle's and Bluce Wee ) Jackie Leonard turning to band saying Dis band outghta disband!
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Live and let live. Always has been a meaningless platitude until Now. Live and LET LIVE.

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#2580925 - 03/14/14 01:42 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: I-missRichardTee]
SK Offline
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Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 4159
Loc: North America
Originally Posted By: I-missRichardTee
Originally Posted By: SK
(

Music : A profession where amateurs make millions and professionals starve.


Somehow the Pagliacci in my soul, did not appreciate this joke
An absurd little joke with some half truth in it. Apologies to the Pagliacci in your soul. smile

Now for an oldie: What do you say to a banjo player in a 3 piece suit?

"Will the defendant please rise."

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#2581721 - 03/17/14 02:36 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: SK]
linwood Offline
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Registered: 09/11/00
Posts: 5246
Loc: Las Vegas,NV,UNITED STATES

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#2581725 - 03/17/14 02:41 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: linwood]
I-missRichardTee Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 7027
Loc: S. Ca. USA
Linwood, what in the heck was that noise? Sounded like a sneeze through a brass instrument!
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Live and let live. Always has been a meaningless platitude until Now. Live and LET LIVE.

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#2581726 - 03/17/14 02:43 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: I-missRichardTee]
SK Offline
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Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 4159
Loc: North America
A sneeze into a trombone, or an elephant.
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#2581728 - 03/17/14 02:46 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: SK]
linwood Offline
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Registered: 09/11/00
Posts: 5246
Loc: Las Vegas,NV,UNITED STATES
The trombone player sneezed. Happens I guess.

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#2581734 - 03/17/14 03:14 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: linwood]
I-missRichardTee Offline
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Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 7027
Loc: S. Ca. USA
Why did the computer sneeze? Anybody? Ok, because it caught a virus.
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Live and let live. Always has been a meaningless platitude until Now. Live and LET LIVE.

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#2599697 - 05/26/14 07:57 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: I-missRichardTee]
Theo Verelst Offline
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Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 4020
How many violent psychopaths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

No one knows. They kill all the witnesses and secretly bury them and deny ever changing a light bulb.
---
(I stole this one from the internet)

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#2599699 - 05/26/14 08:05 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Theo Verelst]
linwood Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 09/11/00
Posts: 5246
Loc: Las Vegas,NV,UNITED STATES

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#2731385 - 10/29/15 08:36 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: linwood]
MAJUSCULE Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 06/10/09
Posts: 5114
Loc: Edmonton, Alberta
So like I said in the other thread, I was sitting at a jam I organize at school tonight and this guitar player was taking a piano solo... facepalm I couldn't help myself but think of this one.

What's awkward about having sex with a guitar player?







They never know when to finish.
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Eric
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Rhodes Mk 1 Stage 73; Hammond M3; Kurzweil SP-6; Roland FP-4, Juno-106; Nord E3-73; Studiologic Sledge; DSI Mopho KB; Stuff

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#2731403 - 10/30/15 02:30 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: MAJUSCULE]
Krakked Knuckles Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/24/13
Posts: 1745
Loc: United Kingdom
I recently returned from holiday. I wanted to sue an airline after they damaged my luggage so I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer.
His advice: you don't have much of a case...
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"Turn your fingers into a dust rag and keep them keys clean!" wink Bluzeyone

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#2731404 - 10/30/15 02:31 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Krakked Knuckles]
Krakked Knuckles Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/24/13
Posts: 1745
Loc: United Kingdom
I've just picked up an injury doing an impression of a tea bag. Knew I shouldn't have strained myself.....
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"Turn your fingers into a dust rag and keep them keys clean!" wink Bluzeyone

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#2731432 - 10/30/15 07:26 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Krakked Knuckles]
MAJUSCULE Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 06/10/09
Posts: 5114
Loc: Edmonton, Alberta
Don't know if this has been posted yet...

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Eric
Website
Rhodes Mk 1 Stage 73; Hammond M3; Kurzweil SP-6; Roland FP-4, Juno-106; Nord E3-73; Studiologic Sledge; DSI Mopho KB; Stuff

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#2731433 - 10/30/15 07:33 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Theo Verelst]
Wastrel Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 2664
Loc: Los Angeles
Originally Posted By: Theo Verelst
How many violent psychopaths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

No one knows. They kill all the witnesses and secretly bury them and deny ever changing a light bulb.
---
(I stole this one from the internet)

You should give it back.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.”
-Mark Twain

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#2731435 - 10/30/15 07:35 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: MAJUSCULE]
Clawback Online   happy
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Registered: 05/11/04
Posts: 3598
Loc: Victoria BC, Canada
I thought jokes about Alberta politics were kinda off limits around here, Eric.

wink laugh
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#2775083 - 04/25/16 05:54 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Clawback]
Theo Verelst Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 4020
What’s black and goes knock-knock?

Answer: The Future

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#2775105 - 04/25/16 08:10 PM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Theo Verelst]
Lindaru Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/19/15
Posts: 1989
Funny (pun intended), but after having someone comment about a similarity between my show and the old "Goons" radio show, I have been studying up on Spike Milligan.

I posted this one on Facebook.

"Wonder why we do not hear about the Irish space program?"



roll
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This account is closed.

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#2775133 - 04/26/16 02:39 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Lindaru]
I-missRichardTee Offline
MP Hall of Fame Member

Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 7027
Loc: S. Ca. USA
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"
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Live and let live. Always has been a meaningless platitude until Now. Live and LET LIVE.

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#2775141 - 04/26/16 04:23 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: I-missRichardTee]
stoken6 Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 1985
Man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

The doctor says "You need to see a psychiatrist"

The man replies "I know, but your light was on..."

Cheers, Mike.
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#2775150 - 04/26/16 06:00 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: stoken6]
Bone Muskeleton Offline
Triple Secret Banninated
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Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 19905
Loc: Heaven, Hell, or Houston
Originally Posted By: stoken6
Man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

The doctor says "You need to see a psychiatrist"

The man replies "I know, but your light was on..."

Cheers, Mike.
Oh come on, put some effort into it, like Norm here...

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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams — Willy Wonka

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M0eMkcc91E

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#2775166 - 04/26/16 07:32 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Bone Muskeleton]
Morizzle Offline
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Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 1211
Loc: a planet
thuThe Norm moth joke is among my top three favorite Youtube videos thu

I like this one, too:

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Sequential Circuits Prophet 6 - Nord Stage 3 Compact - Nord Piano - Crumar Mojo - Moog Little Phatty - Roland FA 06 - Yamaha U1 - Rhodes Mk1 73

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#2775168 - 04/26/16 07:37 AM Re: OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others! [Re: Bone Muskeleton]
Krakked Knuckles Offline
Platinum Member

Registered: 07/24/13
Posts: 1745
Loc: United Kingdom
I think we need to consider the legal implications of a thread like this:

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

A.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

B.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

C.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."


A4: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
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"Turn your fingers into a dust rag and keep them keys clean!" wink Bluzeyone

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